First year anniversary of losing my brother sucks

[mas]

As of Saturday afternoon at 12:10 est On the 27th of aug 2016. My wife and I went to my moms to hear her screaming it's my boy that's my baby. I walked in saying hear I am to see my mom in tears saying something happened to rich. Rich was always the big joker and I'm like yeah right then reality set in and something was wrong.

My mom was saying she got a call from my sister in law saying rich is going to the hospital. My mom said what's wrong with him to further hav found out that kelly believes he died in his sleep.

I had to call the hospital and call my brother ray with his wife. I called my brother first then called the hospital. Once I got the doctor to confirm it just me dropping the phone and breaking down and telling my mom he had passed and to see my dad break down to having to tell my brother ray was the hardest thing I've done.

Sunday will be a year. Much has changed. For me I got and received a lot of good and love from Racketboy. I get a great promotion at my job to leave it for a better job to getting fired to going back to my old job as a new employee and everything is taken away from me with 8.00 less an hr. I'm happy they took me back but that's been very hard for me to swallow as of late.

I also sold off my game room to help with the bills because I didn't get unemployment. Some people hear helped me so thank you. I only have the master system and nes like I said and those games. And now with my pay hurting so much I've decided that I can't collect for a long time. Not until this adjustment have been settled.

My wife and I are doing great and kids are going good as well. They hardly even talk about rich anymore which I think is a good thing I guess.

My brother ray only been to the cemetery once. He's taking it different and just blocking a lot with work and such. He never brings him up which sucks because I would love to hear about those two and his stories.

My sister in law moved out of the house, got a new one moved to another city closer, but his daughter has been through a lot. In one year she lost her home, moved to a new school, lost her friends, and lost her daddy. Now I don't hear much from them and I try to reach out also.

My life without rich sucks. I can't get the picture of his body laying there at the hospital cold and not moving when he was nothing but a 315 lb guy full of life. I see his Facebook page all the time and a couple of videos that has him and hearing his voice.

I can't explain how empty it's been and now the days are getting closer I cry every day for rich. I really wish he can come to me or let me see him or talk to me in a dream. I want my life back on track but it never will. I've pretty much stopped doing everything I loved a year prior. Loved working out, playing and collecting games, eating healthy and promising rich and my family I would take care of myself and I've gained 40lb since then and just have no drive.
Maybe this is called depression I'm not sure. But I really am empty and have no will for it but to just see my family is good.

I'm telling Racketboy this because this is my second family and I've made very good friends here. Enjoy ever minute of life with your family. Because unlike 24 months ago during Christmas I have lost my cat of 20 years spazz, my uncle frank, my uncle butchie, my brother rich, and his dog of ten years Zeus lol yes he named him after the wrestler Zeus. I see a pic of just 24 months and it seems so fast and short of 3 people and two loved animals are gone.

As I tear up saying this be good to one and another. Call your brother or sister or mom and dad or grandmother or grandfather or boyfriend girlfriend wife or husband or anyone close like your best friend. Tell the you love them and hug them and cherish each moment because in a blink they will be gone and you want them to know that they are loved and enjoyed and thank them for everything they do on this earth.

[Blu]

Mas, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a family member is never easy. The constant reminders of loss such as fond memories, don't really help either. I hope it gets better. It sounds like you're doing some of the best things, like surrounding yourself with whom you love, but make sure you're also checking in and taking care of yourself. Good habits that we let go can often be detrimental to our own health. I hope you find the strength to enjoy the activities and habits that you once did. It took me a while to find enjoyment in games, exercise, etc but it took some time (and commitment) to try and get back on a positive path. I hope you are able to work through the pain and grief and are able to celebrate Rich's life, and that things return to a better state for you soon.

Blu

[mas]

Thank you for that blu. Much love to you

[Ivo]

Hey mas,

I read this and was wondering if I should reply. I figured I should.

Condolences of course...

Try to keep some physical activity that you like and exercise (or chop wood, do farm work, stuff like that). Have the kids join in, cheering you on, doing also some exercise that is age appropriate for them etc. I'm not saying this for the physical benefits (although they are a great bonus), it gives you a lot of psychological benefits.

[ElkinFencer10]

I remember when you posted about his passing a year ago. My heart broke for you then, and it's breaking for you again now. I don't have any siblings, so I can't say that I can really understand that pain and emptiness, but I had to bury a student last week, so I can at least somewhat relate with general grief and mourning. You know we're all here for you, and while I'm sure that pain never goes away, it will get easier to manage with time. Reach out to us if you ever need anything, even if it's just a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen. <3

[mas]

Thank you guys.
Tomorrow will be the day and the clock won't stop ticking. I'm meeting a best friend that my brother and I grew up with Mike tomorrow morning at his grave. I'm bringing rich a wiffle ball set to lay on his grave. The neighborhood use to play wiffleball all the time then after we would make fun of each other and our moms. Miss the days lol.
Then following church then dinner and get together at my parents.
I'm really emotional and empty right now. Like blu said and my co workers said I've got to move on slowly so I went to my old dojo and right now I'm at the gym doing some exercises before I work.

I promised rich and my family a year ago to stay healthy and yes I failed like my other I'm never buying games again lol. Seriously though I need to take care of my body and mind for myself and no one else.

As far as work yes I did step back to the beginning but I'll change that also today. Then after work tonight I'll just pray to the lord and rich to give me strength I need to go thru this

[Jagosaurus]

Hey man, keep on keeping on. Press through. Let your family be your drive and be strong for them.

When I go through rough patches I do this mental exercise where I say "when I look back at this I'll be proud how I pushed through and didn't let my circumstances defeat me." You've been through some rough events, there's no denying that. My advice would be to mourn poperly... anniversaries are always a tough reminder... but try to have that mentality. It is always easier to be a recliner quarterback & give advice than it is to live through it though. Be there for your immediate family and brother's family. One foot in front of the other, day after day, year after year. It adds up over time.

[mas]

Tomorrow will be tough but I am ready for it. I'm going to pray to my brother and the lord.

[mas]

Today is going to be a tough day for me and my family. Even though I lost rich and things have changed so much and I have had a pretty bad year since his lost. I woke up today not sad or sorrow or mourning. We will see later in the day but right now I feel good. Somehow for some reason I look forward to everything and will embrace it. Maybe its because I feel tight from the gym or just a visit from the dojo or maybe its because I know I have a family that is protected and loves me. But I don't feel anymore hate towards my job or my life or nothing. Maybe rich came to me last night and his spirit removed all the negative feelings and told me to cut the shit. Anyways I feel good and ill keep feeling like this and want to.
Now can you guys help me finish my master system collection please. Donate please. Will work for master system games lol.
Thank you guys for everything you guys did for me in the last year.