College Advice?

[MrPopo]

People don't hear the self loathing, because they don't talk to me in the first place. I imagine it has to do with the fact that I'm ugly. I can't think of any other reason people would ignore me on the rare occasion I do start a conversation.

You radiate the self loathing; you don't have to open your mouth for people to pick up on it.

[Key-Glyph]

Forlorn, I feel for you, but I want to point out that you've been arguing against every single thing anyone has brought up, even when you have to contradict yourself to do so. You say, "I can't be happy because such is my lot in life, and it's terrible," and then when people respond with legitimate, sympathetic life experiences to show that their own seemingly insurmountable obstacles could be overcome with some effort/open-mindedness/time/luck, you say, "Well, I don't care, because who needs happiness anyway?"

That someone would take a serious stance against happiness as a legitimate personal desire makes absolutely no sense. You did it because you were pushed into it by an argument that you refused to lose: the narrative that you're an outcast who must, and will, remain miserable in all things.

I want to say straight away that we're not trying to criticize or lecture you. We're trying to help you see the larger framework so that you can identify some steps to take that will address it and improve your enjoyment of life.

As I see it, in every discussion you take the side of the argument that devalues yourself. Then you zero in on it, amplify it, allow it to drown out everything else, and stew in it. Then, when someone's argument against your pessimism starts making sense, you either jump to your next perceived inadequacy with a bit of misdirection and start the process again, or shut everything down with, "You just don't get it."

In another thread I once saw you argue, "I'm not naturally gifted at anything like the lucky people are, so I'm worthless," and then, when someone pointed out that you clearly had a lot of car maintenance know-how and innate talent, you turned around and said, "Well, I'm just good at that without having to try, so it's not like those skills mean anything." It doesn't work that way! You don't get to choose whichever side makes you look worse. It can be difficult to recognize this type of flip-floppy behavior in yourself (I know because I am prone to it, too), but it's imperative to try. You have to acknowledge the pattern to be able to start doing anything about it.

I point all this out because I worry for you, not only because it's terrible to know that another person is living with such pain, but because the healing and change has to start inside of you. Self-fulfilling prophecies happen, and if you choose to identify as a helpless outsider in every situation -- you did choose the term "Forlorn Drifter" as your handle, after all, which I think speaks volumes about this tendency -- you will continue to present yourself that way to the world and will actively fight against any efforts that might bring about some positive change.

You will attempt things and experience some failures, but digging your heels in and refusing to try anything guarantees failure. It's not that the folks you think are "successful" have never been losers. They just kept rolling the dice until probability handed them a win.

[Forlorn Drifter]

Not trying does not create failure. Failure requires you to be doing something- if you don't do it, you can't fail.

[jp1]

Not trying does not create failure. Failure requires you to be doing something- if you don't do it, you can't fail.

Wrong. The only thing that matters is that you are trying. If not, what is the damned point? Seriously, you are one stubborn dude. I was a headstrong kid once too, nobody could tell me shit. It turns out I was wrong about a lot. My friend, you will never learn these lessons, or grow beyond your miserable lot in life if you don't take the chance at being shot down. Losers quit. Winners fail, get back up and dust themselves off, and get right back to focusing on the same goal. That is how it works, that is what you do not get. You also don't get that people are trying to help you out. You have this need to be a miserable sack, it's annoying because you have a lot going for you that other people don't get the chance at. Intellect, enough privilege to attend college, a work ethic, goals in life, a passion for something, should I go on? You appreciate none of it and choose to dwell on what you do not have, all the while making excuses for why it is impossible to achieve. If other's are shallow in your perception for having standards, then why aren't you in turn shallow for setting your bar higher than you can reach.

You can't EVER win if you don't play the game. That is IT. Excuses are bullshit. "I'm ugly" is whining self pity bullshit. "I'm worthless" is bullshit. Deep down I think you know these things, you just refuse to acknowledge it because that would mean you would have to get proactive about your problems. I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole, but that is the simple truth, and I'm speaking it for your own good.

[Forlorn Drifter]

Have I not proven worthlessness? Everything in my life boils down to the things I was taught mean worthlessness, thus, I am worthless, am I not?

What goals and passions do I have? I mean really. You guys don't really know me, you can't act like you have an idea of what is going on.

[jp1]

Have I not proven worthlessness? Everything in my life boils down to the things I was taught mean worthlessness, thus, I am worthless, am I not?

What goals and passions do I have? I mean really. You guys don't really know me, you can't act like you have an idea of what is going on.

*Sigh*

Alright man, have it your way. Let me just answer you.

You were taught wrong.
You are not worthless.
You are attending college to become a rancher, correct? Goal/Passion (I've seen you talk about it)
You're right we don't really know you, maybe you are an ugly insufferable asshole. One of those things can be changed, the other can be improved. However, in my experience neither of these things can happen unless you change your attitude.
The worlds been hard, cruel, lonely? These problems fix themselves when you work on yourself.

BUT, I've done all the nudging I'm going to do. Let's just drop it then.

Could you tell me one thing first? How exactly do you wish for people to interact with you? You don't want compliments, you don't want constructive advice, you don't want feedback on the problems you talk about, are we just an audience or what?

[Jagosaurus]

I think I would get it more than you realized actually.

Truth. I met John back when he was just 18 and and he was an ugly-ass motherfucker with both poor social skills and the audacity of being both a Texan (ugh) and an Aggie (double ugh). But (thanks to spending some time with a tall, dark, handsome, kick-ass humble podcast co-host) he's blossomed into a charisma-generating force of nature and has since gone on to live a fulfilling life of regular threesomes with supermodels, trike-meet weekends full of crazy shenanigans, a stable of unplayed RPGs at his disposal, and a respectable family life.

Some of these are actually true.

I literally laughed out loud.

Watch it Dave, at least 4 Aggies on this board I know of . Themz fightin' words

[oxymoron]

Just got accepted to San Jose State which was unexpected.

[dsheinem]

Just got accepted to San Jose State which was unexpected.

Congrats!

[the7k]

Just got accepted to San Jose State which was unexpected.

Congratulations, but this is important:
Do you know the way to San Jose?