Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[ninjainspandex]

Drop the games if you love your wife. It really is that simple. You can find some new activities you both enjoy and make things work. If that doesn't sound reasonable to you then there are bigger problems to be addressed in my opinion.

If his wife loved him she wouldn't ask him to stop doing what he loves, sounds like she is just a very needy selfish person.

[jp1]

Drop the games if you love your wife. It really is that simple. You can find some new activities you both enjoy and make things work. If that doesn't sound reasonable to you then there are bigger problems to be addressed in my opinion.

Sure, compromise...etc...etc...

In the end there is a hell of a lot more to life than playing video games. My wife is cool, so as long as it doesn't involve lying or cheating...I do pretty much whatever I want. In turn "what I want" is most often to just spend time with her. She likes mario games, so if I want to game without excluding her, we play mario. If she asked me to drop the games altogether, I would, without hesitation. I think the knowledge of that fact alone is one of the reasons she wouldn't ever ask.

Why would you want to be with someone who would force you to give up something you enjoy jist because it isn't something she enjoys?
My wife loves to craft. It would be very selfish of me to demand she quit doing that to spend more time with me. I think healthy relationships are ones were you can respect your loved ones personal hobbied and also enjoy time spent together. A balance needs to be struck.

I'm not really disagreeing with that notion. Put simply, I love my wife much more than I care about video games. Like I said, it is probably because she is secure in that fact that she wouldn't ever feel the need to ask me to quit them. Her letting me be myself in every way (and loving me for it, not in spite of it) is also part of the reason that if she made such a request, I'd be obliged to make her happy.

I am looking from the perspective of a 15 year marriage with kids. Perhaps that makes my advice less useful to someone who could, or might want to, make a clean break. I also don't value games in a real life sense, if they caused me any hardships, I would drop them immediately.

Others have valid points as well, its just a different perspective I was offering.

[Exhuminator]

Drop the games if you love your wife.

Yes, definitely disregard your own personal interests and free time if you accept full spousal subjugation.

There is such a thing as an unreasonable wife or husband being overly demanding.

[jp1]

Drop the games if you love your wife. It really is that simple. You can find some new activities you both enjoy and make things work. If that doesn't sound reasonable to you then there are bigger problems to be addressed in my opinion.

If his wife loved him she wouldn't ask him to stop doing what he loves, sounds like she is just a very needy selfish person.

She only asked that he limit the hobby, not give it up. Her wanting to be a priority may not be "needy" or selfish at all. Ultimately that is something a counselor (already suggested) would be more qualified to discern, having both sides of the story.

[jp1]

Drop the games if you love your wife.

Yes, definitely disregard your own personal interests and free time if you accept full spousal subjugation.

There is such a thing as an unreasonable wife or husband being overly demanding.

Sure. Which is why I said "if you love your wife". If you will be happier kicking her to the curb and playing some halo, that isn't love in my opinion. I can't weigh in on whether or not she is being reasonable, since she isn't on here speaking her side of things.

[Exhuminator]

I can't weigh in on whether or not she is being reasonable, since she isn't on here speaking her side of things.

Just like you can't weigh in on whether or not OP actually loves video games more than his wife.

A man is allowed to have hobbies. As long as those hobbies are done in moderation. Giving them up entirely just to appease a man's wife is a slippery slope to say the least.

[Gunstar Green]

Yeah, I've avoided commenting because I don't really know the depth of the situation.

All I can say is you need to find a compromise that will work for both of you and hopefully the counselor will assist you in reaching one.

I strongly believe that it's important for spouses to have both interests they share and hobbies they don't share to get some space once in a while.

[jp1]

I can't weigh in on whether or not she is being reasonable, since she isn't on here speaking her side of things.

Just like you can't weigh in on whether or not OP actually loves video games more than his wife.

A man is allowed to have hobbies. As long as those hobbies are done in moderation. Giving them up entirely just to appease a man's wife is a slippery slope to say the least.

I didn't weigh in on his feelings at all. I expressed an opinion, the same as you and every other person in the thread has. Different strokes, but I do know a thing or two about making a long term and happy marriage work. Whether that aligns with popular opinion on this site is of little concern to me.

Once again, I don't need to kowtow to my wife. It is mutual love and respect that is responsible for that. Part of mutual love and respect is not placing something as arbitrary as video games in higher regard than my wife and family.

[Jmustang1968]

I can't weigh in on whether or not she is being reasonable, since she isn't on here speaking her side of things.

Just like you can't weigh in on whether or not OP actually loves video games more than his wife.

A man is allowed to have hobbies. As long as those hobbies are done in moderation. Giving them up entirely just to appease a man's wife is a slippery slope to say the least.

I didn't weigh in on his feelings at all. I expressed an opinion, the same as you and every other person in the thread has. Different strokes, but I do know a thing or two about making a long term and happy marriage work. Whether that aligns with popular opinion on this site is of little concern to me.

Once again, I don't need to kowtow to my wife. It is mutual love and respect that is responsible for that. Part of mutual love and respect is not placing something as arbitrary as video games in higher regard than my wife and family.

I am with you to a degree. But also part of love and respect would be to allow your spouse to enjoy their hobbies as long as doing so wasn't dangerous or hazardous. Asking someone to stop would be infringing on that respect aspect.

I think focusing on it's just games is missing the point. It is really any enjoyable hobby such as reading, or fishing, or stamp collecting etc...

[Sarge]

When it comes down to it, we can only comment on what the original poster has said. A marriage counselor or pastor will help much more as they will hear both sides of the story.

My advice is to make sure you get a good one, and take the advice very, very seriously if you want to make it work. Your description doesn't sound terribly unreasonable... but it also could be a matter of having so little time anyway in the evenings. Even if the free time is split, it's competition with both work and play, and that can be tough on a young marriage.

I do like the idea of having a portable on hand, so you're not holing up somewhere else. Being somewhere so that you can still interact is a good thing.