samsonlonghair wrote:
My lady made me promise to take her to see 50 shades of grey too. I keep hoping that she'll forget, but no such luck. Looks like I'm going to have to take her after the weather clears.
I hope you find a way out of it as...
50 SHADES OF GREY
The jokes on us, as there is plenty of nudity (full frontal at that) but the sex scenes are mind numbingly boring. The only sex scene that even comes close to being sexy is when the two first have "normal" sex. And that is still a huge compliment as it's a 3 out of 10 of sexiness.
There is no plot, no real character development, the acting is heinous at best which mostly consists of:
1) Showing body parts
2) Biting things like pencils and toast
3) What Lifetime writers would consider S&M to be
4) Sitting and or walking while making an O face
You've had kinkier sex, or masturbated to kinkier porn. This will not turn on anyone unless they have a sweet spot for the main actor or actress, who sports an afro bush. Plus the film is around two hours, with not even half of it being simulated sex.
Everything in the movie is butterfingered. The S&M is lazy, the sex is sleep inducing, and the dialogue...oh boy. When you think the movie couldn't be any more tout, the male lead says "I'm fifty shades of fucked up".
If you have a nipple and hairy bush fetish, see this. If you love seeing people bite things, see this. But if you are looking for a movie to arouse your partner or yourself, Debbie Does Dallas (which I have not seen) sounds like a better choice.
And really...for a movie like this, that advertises it in such a way that it has, I want to see some actual fucking and some actual chemistry and not fake orgasms. I mean, these actors are on top of each other grinding and it feels empty and false. They're already butt naked cheek to cheek, so get it on already. That awful 3000 sequel had more abs and eroticism then this film.
I was hoping that my wife and I would leave the theater feeling a bit naughty, but instead we were laughing about how dumb the movie was; how it was "Steel vs. Grey", the line about fifty shades of fucked up, how the male lead was basically a stalker and rapist, and about the flip phone.
Nipple enthusiasts, you'll love it, so I'll give credit where it is due. Fans of boring sex and Showtime original movies, you might like it. People who want their movie to contain a story, I'm sorry.
1) Showing one's body
2) Crappy sex scenes
3) What lie