There we go, that, that could be it.RyaNtheSlayA wrote:nothing tops when I had sex w/ my friends sister and he just happens to walk in on the fun xP, we laugh about it now but a year ago it really strained things between everyone
mind the tone of the paper... it's supposed to be satirical and ridiculous sounding. My professor did not appreciate... what do you expect from me though? I had 30 minutes to type it before class!Men have a very bad rap, especially when it comes to sex. I wracked my brain for a story I could tell. They all were sexual, and didn’t suit my taste. Sex… Masturbation… Hmmm; the day I will never forget. I finally gave in, sex will be my topic. It’s probably the only masculine bone in my body. (Excuse the pun)
Hung over, a hint of cannabis, and the confusion was derived from the immature topic in the air. Two guys and a girl can come up with some strange conversations, especially three as screwed up in the head as we are. “I wonder what it feels like in the twat?” One would think this would be followed up with an answer instead of a science project.
“I really couldn’t tell you, it’s kinda hard to explain.” Beth isn’t very meek, she’ll talk about anything. She just can’t find the words to describe the sensation.
“Dude, I wonder what it would feel like to cut yourself in there?” Brian is a sadist.
“Sadist mother fucker!” I point out the obvious a lot. “If we are going to make a game out of this, let’s at least play it safe. I wonder what candy corn or a handful of marbles would feel like.”
“Stick em’ in your ass and find out for yourself!” All the women I know have some anal fetish with me. We continued on speculating different ways to masturbate. Brian and myself enjoyed it thoroughly; this is one of the few girls that you can have ‘guy talk’ with. It allowed us to dive into the mind of the elusive woman, even if she’s a nymphomaniac. This makes the conversation that much better.
Later that night we endure on a week long adventure beginning with boozing. Alcohol’s consequences are infinite. The unforeseen possibilities of liquor are why I refuse to drink the evil tonic anymore. Bubbly was our choice drink for this evening, a foreseeable out come of this night is nudity and laughter. One proven outcome when I am mixed with champagne is a lost sense of humility. It is amplified when I am with the company that is over tonight. There is myself, of course; I am a strange boy with a fascination of the unethical. Brian, my big ogre; he is easily embarrassed, but when he is drunk he shows a little more of himself. Frank, or as I call him Robert Smith of “The Cure;” Frank is far from homophobic. Christine happens to be our stereotypical female. The long time girlfriend of mine, it boggled everyone’s mind, but now just a good friend with benefits. John, the sexiest man alive; he is a little insecure about his girlfriend though. Then there is Beth. John has good reasons to be insecure about this girl.
“Not another sausage party.” Brian has a thing against these gatherings. He requires an extremity of pussy around to be comfortable. The champagne will fix this though. We all cracked our first bottles and got tipsy enough to start measuring our penises. The girls would giggle and point. Christine would turn her face in embarrassment, but would sneak peeks with small spurts of laughter. We have now reached the epitome of a sausage party; all we need is some spicy meat dip. The party climaxed and everyone began to crash, our sober little Christine retired to her house, and John began his belligerent whining and screaming. He accused Beth and me of planning on having sex tonight. Yes she did have plans to sleep in my room but we were unsure of the coitus. We calmed him down and retired to my room.
The alarm read almost five in the morning. The room was lit up with screams and banging. John hollers to let him in the room, he knows we are screwing. I wipe the crust from my eyes and lumber over to the door.
“Why the fuck did you wake me up?” A yawn interrupts my question mid sentence.
“You’re fucking; I know your screwing my girlfriend.”
“I’m sleeping; leave me alone, we are not screwing.” Well at least not right now. In the future he did confide in me that he really just wanted to join. I wish I knew this then, he is the sexiest man alive. I told I would speak with him the following day, I needed my sleep. We didn’t talk for another week, by his choice.
A week passes and I decide to go to the mall with some friends. The mall is a great place for a teenager to hang out. Videogames to buy, exercise, and people to scare. My cell phone rings, I pick it up and increase my pace to get ahead of my friends. It’s Beth on the phone and I was not ready for what I had to hear on the other side. I come to a dead stop, and stare into space as I listen to her words. With no concern for the people around me I burst out laughing and fall to the ground. My friends confront me as I am curled up in a ball laughing uncontrollably. I flag them to keep moving and that I’ll catch up. I stand and compose my self.
“All right, I will meet you at my house in forty minutes!” I hang up the phone and run to catch up with everyone in Borders. I pull Frank to the side because he knows Beth personally. “You know those balls you buy at the fair. You roll them around in your hands and they jingle.” Frank nods his head, “Well… plunk!” I make the sound of a pebble dropping into a puddle as I lower my hand to my crotch. Laughter breaks out, and we both hold each other up so we don’t fall. I told him to inform everyone an emergency arose and I had to leave unexpectedly.
“I didn’t think you would actually do something like this. How long has it been?” I was flabbergasted by her curiosity.
“Three hours.” John answered for her. They both proceeded to explain how it all came to happen. They said they have tried reaching in there and pulling it out. He actually got his whole hand in, but it hurt her to much. They also tried spoons; even the good old jumping up and down in the shower. I told them this all isn’t going to work. She was aroused when it went in, but when she lay down she caused it to roll to the back of the vagina. After her libido balanced out, the vagina constricted and tightened around it. I took a look my self to verify the whole situation. We decided to go to the store and get some tools to rectify the situation.
Magnet, beep… Salad tongs, beep… KY, beep… beef jerky, beep… “You know you always need beef jerky when you’re working.” I was smooth with my words and smiled easily at her. The Wal-mart cashier stared at me like I was some Satan worshiper. She scanned over my company with a keen eye. Beth jumped up and down giggling as you could faintly here a jingle come from within her. Images of the ball falling out right there and rolling up against the cashier’s feet ran through my imagination.
“You think we should get some condoms!” John smashed my day dream with what he thought was a witty joke. I shook my head with humility. Even though I could smile through all of the show we had for display in the store for families. The comment John had was the straw that broke the camels back. I paid and walked away giggling.
Luckily I don’t live with my parents, or the screams would certainly wake them up. Two fingers, salad tongs, some lube, four hours and the ball emerges from the pink void. I held the ball up with the tongs on display for Beth and John. He better appreciate the evil back stabbing I performed the week prior. Wait this all was my fault. Damn I am evil.
“I will never forget this day for the rest of my life.” I shook my head in shame.
I guess I would make for one hell of an unintentional example Mormon.equalsign wrote:Fornication. That may not sound so bad to some, but I'm Mormon. Sin-wise that's second only to murder with us. It's real fun attending Brigham Young University being a non-virgin. Believe me -_- .
lol nice paper =Plordofduct wrote:There we go, that, that could be it.RyaNtheSlayA wrote:nothing tops when I had sex w/ my friends sister and he just happens to walk in on the fun xP, we laugh about it now but a year ago it really strained things between everyone
Not only is it bad, but you brew bad blood between yourself and a friend:
names changed...mind the tone of the paper... it's supposed to be satirical and ridiculous sounding. My professor did not appreciate... what do you expect from me though? I had 30 minutes to type it before class!Men have a very bad rap, especially when it comes to sex. I wracked my brain for a story I could tell. They all were sexual, and didn’t suit my taste. Sex… Masturbation… Hmmm; the day I will never forget. I finally gave in, sex will be my topic. It’s probably the only masculine bone in my body. (Excuse the pun)
Hung over, a hint of cannabis, and the confusion was derived from the immature topic in the air. Two guys and a girl can come up with some strange conversations, especially three as screwed up in the head as we are. “I wonder what it feels like in the twat?” One would think this would be followed up with an answer instead of a science project.
“I really couldn’t tell you, it’s kinda hard to explain.” Beth isn’t very meek, she’ll talk about anything. She just can’t find the words to describe the sensation.
“Dude, I wonder what it would feel like to cut yourself in there?” Brian is a sadist.
“Sadist mother fucker!” I point out the obvious a lot. “If we are going to make a game out of this, let’s at least play it safe. I wonder what candy corn or a handful of marbles would feel like.”
“Stick em’ in your ass and find out for yourself!” All the women I know have some anal fetish with me. We continued on speculating different ways to masturbate. Brian and myself enjoyed it thoroughly; this is one of the few girls that you can have ‘guy talk’ with. It allowed us to dive into the mind of the elusive woman, even if she’s a nymphomaniac. This makes the conversation that much better.
Later that night we endure on a week long adventure beginning with boozing. Alcohol’s consequences are infinite. The unforeseen possibilities of liquor are why I refuse to drink the evil tonic anymore. Bubbly was our choice drink for this evening, a foreseeable out come of this night is nudity and laughter. One proven outcome when I am mixed with champagne is a lost sense of humility. It is amplified when I am with the company that is over tonight. There is myself, of course; I am a strange boy with a fascination of the unethical. Brian, my big ogre; he is easily embarrassed, but when he is drunk he shows a little more of himself. Frank, or as I call him Robert Smith of “The Cure;” Frank is far from homophobic. Christine happens to be our stereotypical female. The long time girlfriend of mine, it boggled everyone’s mind, but now just a good friend with benefits. John, the sexiest man alive; he is a little insecure about his girlfriend though. Then there is Beth. Sam has good reasons to be insecure about this girl.
“Not another sausage party.” Brian has a thing against these gatherings. He requires an extremity of pussy around to be comfortable. The champagne will fix this though. We all cracked our first bottles and got tipsy enough to start measuring our penises. The girls would giggle and point. Christine would turn her face in embarrassment, but would sneak peeks with small spurts of laughter. We have now reached the epitome of a sausage party; all we need is some spicy meat dip. The party climaxed and everyone began to crash, our sober little Christine retired to her house, and John began his belligerent whining and screaming. He accused Beth and me of planning on having sex tonight. Yes she did have plans to sleep in my room but we were unsure of the coitus. We calmed him down and retired to my room.
The alarm read almost five in the morning. The room was lit up with screams and banging. John hollers to let him in the room, he knows we are screwing. I wipe the crust from my eyes and lumber over to the door.
“Why the fuck did you wake me up?” A yawn interrupts my question mid sentence.
“You’re fucking; I know your screwing my girlfriend.”
“I’m sleeping; leave me alone, we are not screwing.” Well at least not right now. In the future he did confide in me that he really just wanted to join. I wish I knew this then, he is the sexiest man alive. I told I would speak with him the following day, I needed my sleep. We didn’t talk for another week, by his choice.
A week passes and I decide to go to the mall with some friends. The mall is a great place for a teenager to hang out. Videogames to buy, exercise, and people to scare. My cell phone rings, I pick it up and increase my pace to get ahead of my friends. It’s Beth on the phone and I was not ready for what I had to hear on the other side. I come to a dead stop, and stare into space as I listen to her words. With no concern for the people around me I burst out laughing and fall to the ground. My friends confront me as I am curled up in a ball laughing uncontrollably. I flag them to keep moving and that I’ll catch up. I stand and compose my self.
“All right, I will meet you at my house in forty minutes!” I hang up the phone and run to catch up with everyone in Borders. I pull Frank to the side because he knows Beth personally. “You know those balls you buy at the fair. You roll them around in your hands and they jingle.” Frank nods his head, “Well… plunk!” I make the sound of a pebble dropping into a puddle as I lower my hand to my crotch. Laughter breaks out, and we both hold each other up so we don’t fall. I told him to inform everyone an emergency arose and I had to leave unexpectedly.
“I didn’t think you would actually do something like this. How long has it been?” I was flabbergasted by her curiosity.
“Three hours.” John answered for her. They both proceeded to explain how it all came to happen. They said they have tried reaching in there and pulling it out. He actually got his whole hand in, but it hurt her to much. They also tried spoons; even the good old jumping up and down in the shower. I told them this all isn’t going to work. She was aroused when it went in, but when she lay down she caused it to roll to the back of the vagina. After her libido balanced out, the vagina constricted and tightened around it. I took a look my self to verify the whole situation. We decided to go to the store and get some tools to rectify the situation.
Magnet, beep… Salad tongs, beep… KY, beep… beef jerky, beep… “You know you always need beef jerky when you’re working.” I was smooth with my words and smiled easily at her. The Wal-mart cashier stared at me like I was some Satan worshiper. She scanned over my company with a keen eye. Beth jumped up and down giggling as you could faintly here a jingle come from within her. Images of the ball falling out right there and rolling up against the cashier’s feet ran through my imagination.
“You think we should get some condoms!” John smashed my day dream with what he thought was a witty joke. I shook my head with humility. Even though I could smile through all of the show we had for display in the store for families. The comment John had was the straw that broke the camels back. I paid and walked away giggling.
Luckily I don’t live with my parents, or the screams would certainly wake them up. Two fingers, salad tongs, some lube, four hours and the ball emerges from the pink void. I held the ball up with the tongs on display for Beth and John. He better appreciate the evil back stabbing I performed the week prior. Wait this all was my fault. Damn I am evil.
“I will never forget this day for the rest of my life.” I shook my head in shame.
You new to the internet or something?nickfil wrote:anyone with anything juicy wouldn't post it.
its my first time, yeah.Mozgus wrote:You new to the internet or something?nickfil wrote:anyone with anything juicy wouldn't post it.
