A little feedback maybe?

[CDink]

What are some things I could change/improve on in the next one?

I like the "why don't you go somewhere else" little gag. However, how about being in a location where you can see other locations to sit; like a library or coffee shop. It gives me a visual to verify that there are indeed other places the person could have sat.

That's true, but we are pretty limited on where we can film. Most places aren't keen to let us do it. But you're right we could have done that a bit better.

[Michi]

I think you've gotten a lot of nice tips, so I'm just going to add a couple little things:

Don't worry about your accents.

I agree. Accents are fine. I will say though, that its usually better to just have everybody use their normal voice. That what you don't have to worry about slip ups and saves time so you don't have to end up re-shooting in case they mess up. Unless of course the actor is brilliant when it comes to voices. Then that's another story all together.

.... 1. You could probably have accomplished everything this video did in about one minute instead of two and a half. Not enough happens to remain funny or entertaining for the full bit. In fact, it went on long enough that the half-conversation really did get annoying.

I actually thought the length was fine. True, it could have been shortened a little bit, but really I think the length was okay. A good part of the center of the film does "feel" long, but I don't think that's anything a re-write or two wouldn't fix. (If you're planning on re-shooting at all.)

...2. The line where the guy on the phone says, "there's no one else here" or something really bothered me because he had previously acknowledged that there were other people there. If he was going to say that, you probably should have pressed the issue with him to try to figure out why he said it. By itself, it's jarring. The "I'm not bothering anybody" part was fine, though.

Agreed. Perhaps a little, "Wait a minute! I'm still here-" would have worked there instead.

...3. I agree with the person above about the banjo thing. I think it would have been better if it had ended with the phone guy asking the laptop guy to turn the music down.

I actually liked the banjo idea. It's the song that you picked that I wasn't fond of. If you're going to do something like that you have to pick something that fits your character's mood better, or something that's easily recognizable to the audience (or even more irritating to the other two at the bench). Like the Deliverance theme Even if you haven't seen the movie, that's still a pretty recognizable song (and it immediatley invokes a creepy vibe). And it would have been funny if you'd stated playing that at the end instead of answering, "No."

....The banjo part could have been funny but just didn't pan out. It started strong with the ridiculousness of bringing in said banjo but it had poor delivery in the end.

I think it would have helped if you put your leg up on the bench and then looked off in the direction of the banjo neck while strumming, completely ignoring the other two.

...4. The whole situation seems a little too abstracted from reality. That made it less relatable. If the guy is on a bus/in a taxi/on a train/ somewhere else that limits his ability to escape and gives the other two guys a reason to remain in close proximity, the situation is a little easier to relate to. As it is, why didn't the "straight man" just change tables?

I will agree that you needed a better setting. I found the house in the background really distracting. Perhaps there's a park you could shoot at or an outdoor cafe nearby that wouldn't mind you filming there. You may have to promise not to put any shots of their name in the film, but I've found that a lot of establishments are really very willing to cooperate if you ask them nicely first (and credit the manager for all their "help"). If it helps, you could tell them you're shooting it for a class project. That's worked for me all through high school and college.

Granted the posts I put on Youtube were just my college friends acting their usual quirky selves. Clips of everyday moments, if you will. Most of which, I will admit weren't very funny to most people, but I enjoyed them non-the-less. So bravo for putting the extra effort into yours

[CDink]

I think you've gotten a lot of nice tips, so I'm just going to add a couple little things:

Don't worry about your accents.

I agree. Accents are fine. I will say though, that its usually better to just have everybody use their normal voice. That what you don't have to worry about slip ups and saves time so you don't have to end up re-shooting in case they mess up. Unless of course the actor is brilliant when it comes to voices. Then that's another story all together.

.... 1. You could probably have accomplished everything this video did in about one minute instead of two and a half. Not enough happens to remain funny or entertaining for the full bit. In fact, it went on long enough that the half-conversation really did get annoying.

I actually thought the length was fine. True, it could have been shortened a little bit, but really I think the length was okay. A good part of the center of the film does "feel" long, but I don't think that's anything a re-write or two wouldn't fix. (If you're planning on re-shooting at all.)

...2. The line where the guy on the phone says, "there's no one else here" or something really bothered me because he had previously acknowledged that there were other people there. If he was going to say that, you probably should have pressed the issue with him to try to figure out why he said it. By itself, it's jarring. The "I'm not bothering anybody" part was fine, though.

Agreed. Perhaps a little, "Wait a minute! I'm still here-" would have worked there instead.

...3. I agree with the person above about the banjo thing. I think it would have been better if it had ended with the phone guy asking the laptop guy to turn the music down.

I actually liked the banjo idea. It's the song that you picked that I wasn't fond of. If you're going to do something like that you have to pick something that fits your character's mood better, or something that's easily recognizable to the audience (or even more irritating to the other two at the bench). Like the Deliverance theme Even if you haven't seen the movie, that's still a pretty recognizable song (and it immediatley invokes a creepy vibe). And it would have been funny if you'd stated playing that at the end instead of answering, "No."

....The banjo part could have been funny but just didn't pan out. It started strong with the ridiculousness of bringing in said banjo but it had poor delivery in the end.

I think it would have helped if you put your leg up on the bench and then looked off in the direction of the banjo neck while strumming, completely ignoring the other two.

...4. The whole situation seems a little too abstracted from reality. That made it less relatable. If the guy is on a bus/in a taxi/on a train/ somewhere else that limits his ability to escape and gives the other two guys a reason to remain in close proximity, the situation is a little easier to relate to. As it is, why didn't the "straight man" just change tables?

I will agree that you needed a better setting. I found the house in the background really distracting. Perhaps there's a park you could shoot at or an outdoor cafe nearby that wouldn't mind you filming there. You may have to promise not to put any shots of their name in the film, but I've found that a lot of establishments are really very willing to cooperate if you ask them nicely first (and credit the manager for all their "help"). If it helps, you could tell them you're shooting it for a class project. That's worked for me all through high school and college.

Granted the posts I put on Youtube were just my college friends acting their usual quirky selves. Clips of everyday moments, if you will. Most of which, I will admit weren't very funny to most people, but I enjoyed them non-the-less. So bravo for putting the extra effort into yours

That was very constructive thank you.

I should note it's VERY difficult writing knowing that we have 0 money for this. I mean sure we have jobs but we're still just kids really...trying to have some fun. As far as I know I'm the only one of us who plans on trying to make this a reality.

[Michi]

That was very constructive thank you.

I should note it's VERY difficult writing knowing that we have 0 money for this. I mean sure we have jobs but we're still just kids really...trying to have some fun. As far as I know I'm the only one of us who plans on trying to make this a reality.

Hey, I get it. In my 11th grade English class our teacher actually MADE us make a movie with other members of the class. We had three weeks to write, film and edit together a coherent video. That's hard with other classes to worry about, absolutely no money, working around schedules, and working with difficult classmates who really didn't care about the assignment one way or another. I ended up having to ask my friends outside of class for help and one guy didn't even show up for the last day of filming. No notice. Nothing (we decided to give his character diarrhea as punishment.) When it was all said and done, other teachers voted and our film actually won 'best film' out of the class (out of four... ) ,but the whole process was hell. I would have much rather been doing it for fun, trust me.

[Anayo]

It was too long.

If you can get people to understand the cause/effect logic of what just happened, then you can move on to the next point. From 1:16 to 2:06 the middle guy just sits there while left and right guys annoy him. It's like watching a fly buzz around someone's head for 50 seconds before he swats it.

The actual cause/effect breakdown of what happened seemed a little simplistic.

- Guy wants to read
- Other guys come annoy him
- Guy puts up with it for 50 seconds, then gets banjo and plays it
- Other guys get annoyed at his banjo and leave

I can't think of any paint by numbers ways to make it more memorable or interesting, but you can always try something else. A slimmer time limit would be good to shoot for.