A little feedback maybe?

[CDink]

Since I've been so sporadic in my posting here...I'm not sure if I ever got around to asking for some help here. But basically I make little youtube skit/videos/what have you. My friends critique a little. But I really want to craft it and get good, I hope to be making more than just little videos someday...anyway. Here is the latest.





andddd the channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/Dinkelandth ... ature=mhee

thanks guys. and if this is innapropriate...then i'm sorry.

[CDink]

Wow thanks....:/.

Sorry that this clearly wasn't the place to put it.

[brunoafh]

The dude in the middle isn't very funny, and he kept looking at the camera too often. I thought the dude on the right was pretty funny. The banjo thing kind of ruined it all though.

[CDink]

The dude in the middle isn't very funny.

I wasn't suppose to be, I was trying to just be the normal one. I wrote it though, how was the overall dialogue joke wise and stuff?

As for the camera stuff, In real life whenever people either say dumb things/are rude I give that look off into the distance, a couple times it was towards the camera. Accidental. but noted.

And I knew the banjo would sell it for some and ruin it for others. Judging by the feedback I have gotten it was about equal.

[dsheinem]

Um, yeah...I'm not sure what I watched or what you're trying to accomplish. If this is supposed to be comedy, it isn't of a kind that I find funny.

Also, invest in some directional mics.

[emwearz]

In terms of feedback I don't know what to say.

I didn't find it funny myself, was it meant to be funny or like some life lesson with some depth I missed?

There are some strong accents there (Southern?) I don't know if they are your real accents, but when combined with your 'acting voices' they sound really pushed and very hard to listen to.

[Opa Opa]

There are some strong accents there (Southern?) I don't know if they are your real accents, but when combined with your 'acting voices' they sound really pushed and very hard to listen to.

Yeah that sounds Southern (and I should know considering my southern drawl) but it sounded a little fake... or over-accentuated.
***

Feedback is hard to give. If your agenda was to make me laugh...it didn't happen. The banjo part could have been funny but just didn't pan out. It started strong with the ridiculousness of bringing in said banjo but it had poor delivery in the end.

[Limewater]

Don't worry about your accents.

Here is my criticism. Keep in mind this is coming from a soulless engineer.

1. You could probably have accomplished everything this video did in about one minute instead of two and a half. Not enough happens to remain funny or entertaining for the full bit. In fact, it went on long enough that the half-conversation really did get annoying.

2. The line where the guy on the phone says, "there's no one else here" or something really bothered me because he had previously acknowledged that there were other people there. If he was going to say that, you probably should have pressed the issue with him to try to figure out why he said it. By itself, it's jarring. The "I'm not bothering anybody" part was fine, though.

3. I agree with the person above about the banjo thing. I think it would have been better if it had ended with the phone guy asking the laptop guy to turn the music down.

4. The whole situation seems a little too abstracted from reality. That made it less relatable. If the guy is on a bus/in a taxi/on a train/ somewhere else that limits his ability to escape and gives the other two guys a reason to remain in close proximity, the situation is a little easier to relate to. As it is, why didn't the "straight man" just change tables?

5. Here's a really long, really old, really brilliant sketch starring Marty Feldman that plays on similar themes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcntOrHTeBA

[CDink]

Some solid points. I suppose part of it was a failure on my part and part is just different comedy styling.

and example being I was taking that line about him saying no one is there out because it doesn't make sense, and my two friends said "No I dig that even more! He's just a random idiot!" So I kept it.

As for the "He could just leave the table thing" Well sure, I guess so. But the whole point of this sketch was that they were coming to him when clearly there were tons of places to go.we were loose both with continuity and i guess realism on this one. Before we filmed I just grabbed a book, and didn't even notice it was a computer manual til we started.

Almost everything else said was some good points that I either hadn't thought about, or don't know how to fix yet


What are some things I could change/improve on in the next one?

[Opa Opa]

What are some things I could change/improve on in the next one?

I like the "why don't you go somewhere else" little gag. However, how about being in a location where you can see other locations to sit; like a library or coffee shop. It gives me a visual to verify that there are indeed other places the person could have sat.