Games Beaten 2024

Anything that is gaming related that doesn't fit well anywhere else
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Raging Justice
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by Raging Justice »

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I have beaten New Super Lucky's Tale in the past, it's always been a platformer that I am quite fond of. However, I never played the new world that you unlock after you beat the game - Foxington. Well I finally did. In fact I beat all of the stages in Foxington...and I fucking hated it. It has the worst levels in the entire game. I have always liked NSLT for being a fun, light hearted, mascot/hop n bop, style platformer. However, Foxington is where the developers decide to change it into a "hardcore" platformer with a bunch of levels where they are basically giving you the middle finger. It's full of obnoxiously designed 3d platforming levels with awful camera angles, the worst of which being called "I Ain't Afraid". This obnoxious level is made all the more annoying because the developers apparently forgot what checkpoints are when they were designing it. Falling into pits in this stage, something which costs you some health in every other stage, is instant death in this stage for no apparent reason.

Foxington also has annoying levels where you move a marble around trying to collect coins while avoiding obstacles and bottomless pits. You encounter these throughout the main game and they're a fairly nice change of pace from the platform based gameplay, but the ones in Foxington are just designed to test your patience and grate on your nerves. The physics of these levels and how ridiculously careful you have to be in trying to move the ball around is not fun. I also don't understand why the game treats these as "puzzle" stages.

What really irritates me is that Foxington introduces new NPC characters. I generally find the characters in New Super Lucky's Tale to be quite charming and sometimes very funny. However, playing through these annoying levels and knowing that these characters are the ones who have set up these challenges for you just makes you hate all of them. It's like when a JRPG forces you to fight a character as a boss a bunch of times in battles that are set up to make it impossible for you to win. Then later on when that character joins your party the game developers expect you to forget all that and love them. Even better is when they join your party and aren't even 1/4 as strong as they were when they were shoving your face into the pavement as a boss :roll:

The older I get the more of a grumpy gamer I become :lol: I have so much less patience for a lot of shit that I put up with when I was younger

Anyway, play New Super Lucky's Tale. It's a fun game, ignore the last, bonus world. It will leave a sour taste in your mouth and that will be your last memory of an otherwise great game. Fuck Foxington. Oh, and fuck the boss fight against Lady M in the game's fourth world too. That's annoying too. What were they thinking when they designed that crap? The last phase of the fight is infuriating. I can forgive one bad boss fight though (especially given how charming and funny Lady M is), but Foxington is one giant world full of shit levels. I can't forgive that.
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by Flake »

January
Injustice: Gods Among Us (Xbox Series)
Metroid Prime Remastered (Switch)
Fire Emblem Engage (Switch)
Knights of the Round (Switch)
Megaman: The Power Battles (Switch)

February
Metroid Other M (WiiU)
Metroid Zero Mission (WiiU)
Super Mario Bros (All Stars/Switch)

March
Xenoblade Chronicles Deluxe (Switch)
Mario Kart 8 DX Booster Course Pass (Switch)
Princess Peach: Showtime (Switch)
ACA NeoGeo Real Bout Fatal Fury (Switch)
Super Mario Advance (Switch)

April
Splatoon 3: Side Order
Mario vs Donkey Kong (Switch)
Super Mario 3D World (Switch)

May
Super Mario Wonder (Switch)
Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter (Arcade)
Marvel vs Capcom: Clash of the Super Heroes (Arcade)
Super Mario Odyssey (Switch)

June
Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge (Switch)
Vampire Savior (Switch)


It's all arcade and mario this summer. I really do wish that Capcom would bring back the Darkstalkers series.
Maybe now Nintendo will acknowledge Metroid has a fanbase?
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marurun
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by marurun »

Lego Marvel Superheroes - Switch

I really do not have time for a proper review right now, so apologies. I'll try to make time for one later in the year.

The kid and I played co-op all the way through and to unlock a bunch (but not all) of the characters and vehicles. I have some very complicated thoughts about this game, and a lot of it seems to be ongoing stuff given our experiences with Lego Marvel Superheroes 2, which, though many years later, still has some similar weirdness. Fun, good co-op, but very flawed.
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REPO Man
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by REPO Man »

I absolutely LOVE the Lego games.
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Ack
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by Ack »

1. Live A Live (RPG)(Switch)
2. Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion (Action)(Switch)
3. Pathway (Strategy [Tactics])(PC)
4. Rewind or Die (Horror Adventure)(PC)

5. Tomb Raider (Action Adventure)(PC)
6. Remnant: From the Ashes (Action RPG)(PC)
7. House Flipper (Simulation)(PC)
8. Might and Magic VII: For Blood and Honor (RPG)(PC)
9. Wild West and Wizards (FPS/RPG)(PC)
10. SPRAWL (FPS)(PC)
11. Lunacid (RPG)(PC)
12. PowerWash Simulator: SpongeBob SquarePants (FPS)(PC)
13. PowerWash Simulator: Warhammer 40,000 (FPS)(PC)
14. PowerWash Simulator: Back to the Future (FPS)(PC)

15. Marathon (FPS)(PC)

Marathon was one of the big games for the Mac in the early to mid-1990s. In fact, PC players such as myself would often joke it was one of the ONLY games for the Mac at the time. But it offered a lot of shooting aliens and exploring levels, so when I found out it had officially been ported to be playable on PC, I jumped at the chance to check it out. I had played a little previously on a Mac, though that was nearly 30 years ago, and I only managed to spend a few minutes in the game at a friend's house before we jumped into something else.

There are a few things to keep in mind. First, Marathon is dated. It experiments a lot, and in the process, it commits sins. There are times when you have to rely on secrets to proceed or have foreknowledge of how to escape certain traps and pitfalls to be able to negotiate them in the timing required. And second, it isn't Doom. In fact, between its story, its style, how it handles elements such as saving, and its level design, it reminds me more of System Shock. And that's a tough place to be, because while both games were built by teams that already had some hybrid FPS experience, LookingGlass Technologies had a far more successful time with the likes of Ultima Underworld and its sequel than Bungie's Pathways into Darkness.

In Marathon, you play a security guard who's most likely a secret military-grade cyborg, awoken unceremoniously from stasis because aliens have invaded your ship. Secrets in the game reveal a bit more of the plot, but the main idea is that the ship has several AI running it, one of which has gone rogue and become self-aware, and it's got its own game running that will require you to get your hands dirty. Along the way, you try to rescue idiot humans, make your way through both human and alien ship levels, and make sure to provide the aliens with the proper amount of high velocity lead injections that will educate them on the correct procedure for communicating hostility with a human spacecraft. And you're doing this in low gravity, so expect lots of falls for no damage while shooting, along with rudimentary grenade and rocket jumping in a game that doesn't have a jump button.

The guns of Marathon are...well, they're a mixed bag. Different weapons have different strategies to employ, and certain aliens are more susceptible to certain types. For example, the beginning pistol is hit-scan. The plasma pistol is not and requires leading a target, having a relatively low rate of fire but going fast enough to potentially stun lock certain enemies out of attacking. Your missile launcher is a heavy hitter that I only used against the biggest targets, while your assault rifle apparently has no rifling and a snub nose, so it can spit bullets sideways from you. Seriously, it's absurdly inaccurate, to the point I mainly used it against crowds or in tight corridors at effectively point-blank range. The flamethrower is also great for point-blank range and can cook certain enemy types quickly, though it also prevents drops of the special machinegun that you can get from a particular type of alien, so be mindful of when you decide to set weapons to flambé.

Level design is usually tight corridors, though some offer open rooms, occasionally with hazards like lava pits. Secrets are sometimes required, and if you don't pay attention to your map, you may miss necessary means to proceed. Also, the "secret" signifying wall texture is basically just a slightly shadowed version of a regular wall texture, so odds are you'll miss out on a lot in a first playthrough. This can be frustrating and end a run, and since Marathon only allows saving at specific points, you can get stuck and have to go back to a previous level before you're able to get a foothold in the next level. One particularly egregious example of a required secret is a lowering ceiling that requires you find a secret, but there is a save point relatively close right before you get there, so you have options. Meanwhile, a late game level forces the player through a gauntlet of enemies before you reach the first level save point, which led to me having to learn and plan my route to get through before I finally managed to get firm footing. These are frustrating points, as are the forced damage areas, and they get more prevalent over the course of the game.

You do have a radar to show enemy movements...which Bungie also programmed to feature ghost signals at times, so you're never sure if you're entirely alone. Sometimes they also spawn in an enemy behind to harass your rear from an area you know was cleared too, so if you rely a lot on radar, prepare to be paranoid. I actually like the ghost signals, as it feels like I'm picking up something in a wall from a nearby area of the ship that I can't find. I like the spawns less, but that's because I always enjoyed making sure everything was dead in my wake, so I dislike the thought that something survived me.

There are also some interesting plays with level geometry, particularly in a secret area of the final level, which Bungie calls "5D space". Its effectively a level design that cannot exist in reality, where the corridors fold in on each other in an unnatural way and offer up more secrets, so secrets within secrets, but it's an entirely optional area. It's just cool to see how the devs could shape a level into something that is mindboggling.

I liked Marathon. It has rough edges and frustrating parts, and there are features that are underutilized or could have been balanced better, but overall I can see why it would attract Mac fans. Would it have stood out in the crowd of FPS games in 1994 on PC? I'm not sure; again, it was the same year of System Shock, Doom II, Heretic, and a slew of lesser titles as folks were jumping on the Doom bandwagon. I think it's good enough that it certainly would have faired better than Operation: Body Count or Depth Dwellers, but it might have fallen into cult status alongside Rise of the Triad.
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ElkinFencer10
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by ElkinFencer10 »

Due to how many I'm including here, I'm going to put them in spoiler tags. These are all between two and eight years old.

Games Beaten in 2024 - 28
* denotes a replay

January (1 Game Beaten)
1. Army Men: World War - PlayStation - January 9
February (1 Game Beaten)
2. Silver Falls: Guardians and Metal Exterminators S - Switch - February 18
March (3 Game Beaten)
3. Army Men II - PC - March 14*
4. Army Men: Toys in Space - PC - March 20*
5. Army Men: World War - PC - March 22
April (7 Games Beaten)
6. Army Men: Mobile Ops - Java-based mobile - April 10
7. Army Men III - PC - April 11
8. Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air - PlayStation - April 15
9. Army Men: World War - Final Fronts - PlayStation - April 18
10. Army Men: World War - Team Assault - PlayStation - April 20
11. Army Men: Air Tactics - PC - April 21*
12. Army Men: Sarge's Heroes - Dreamcast - April 28*
May (7 Games Beaten)
13. Army Men: Air Combat - Nintendo 64 - May 2*
14. Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 - PlayStation 2 - May 4*
15. Portal Runner - PlayStation 2 - May 5
16. Army Men: Green Rogue - PlayStation 2 - May 13*
17. Army Men: Green Rogue - PlayStation - May 18
18: Army Men: Air Combat - The Elite Missions - Gamecube - May 21*
19. Army Men: RTS - Gamecube - May 29*
20. Army Men: Sarge's War - Xbox - May 31*
June (8 Game Beaten)
21. Army Men: Major Malfunction - Xbox - June 4*
22. Epic Dumpster Bear - Wii U - June 10*
23. Epic Dumpster Bear 2: He Who Bears Wins - Switch - June 10*
24. JankBrain - Switch - June 10*
25. B3: Game Expo for Bees - Wii U - June 10*
26. Apartment 666 - Steam - June 11*
27. Hello Kitty Kruisers - Wii U - June 11*
28. Chicken Police: Paint It Red - Switch - June 12*
22. Epic Dumpster Bear - Wii U - June 10*
23. Epic Dumpster Bear 2: He Who Bears Wins - Switch - June 10*
24. JankBrain - Switch - June 10*
25. B3: Game Expo for Bees - Wii U - June 10*
26. Apartment 666 - Steam - June 11*
27. Hello Kitty Kruisers - Wii U - June 11*
28. Chicken Police: Paint It Red - Switch - June 12*


22. Epic Dumpster Bear - Wii U - June 10*
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"What the hell? The fuck is this? 'Epic Dumpster Bear?' What kind of a name is that? Just more Wii U eShop shovelware...." WRONG, FOOLISH AND IGNORANT PLEBIAN FOOL! This is the practically-no-budget indie platformer of which we've dared only dream for years. This is the game that recaptures the beloved bullshit "why the fuck not?" spirit that game conception has so woefully lacked these last 20 years! THIS is the masterpiece system seller that the Wii U has needed!

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Okay, so maybe I made up the last part. But seriously, don't let the name or visual presentation fool you; Epic Dumpster Bear is a legitimately fun game. It's an indie game made in Unity by one person, and it shows, but not like The Letter or Cutie Pets Pick Berries (though I love the latter for the lol factor). It uses its obviously low budget to enhance its charm. This isn't a platformer for people who don't know what the word "fun" means, and it's not one for people who are too hardcore to get over themselves and won't play anything that doesn't have the tightest, most mechanically flawless controls around. It IS for people who want to play a silly game with a ridiculous plot and learn about bears. It's also Canadian as fuck. Just read the official synopsis from the developer.

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An evil corporation destroyed his forest, forcing him to eat dumpster food to survive. Now its his turn to take out the trash.
How can you NOT love that? And every loading screen will teach you a bear fact. It's fun AND educational. It's your standard run-of-the-mill platformer for the most part. It's broken into six main worlds with a seventh "bonus" world, and each world fits a theme (forest, tundra, desert, ridiculously busty blonde babes, etc). The second to last level in every world is a castle (think the last level in every Mario world), and the last level of every world is a boss battle. Surprisingly, except for the World 6 boss, they get easier each time. I seriously think the first boss is the hardest in the game, and I beat the World 5 boss on my first try without taking a single hit.

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The game is a total cake walk in the first world (minus the boss), the second world is still really easy, but halfway through the third world, the challenge kicks in. Not too bad at first, but you'll have to actually pay attention to what you're doing. By the second half of the game, you'll probably hit some frustration. I legit had a neighbor who lives two houses down from me tell me yesterday that he could hear me screaming "FUCK!!!" from his front yard the night before (but he's also a gamer just a couple years older than I, so he thought it was hysterical).

​The bosses are, truthfully, a joke. But they're fun and ridiculous. Take, for example, a 25 foot tall wasp brainwashed by the unnamed evil corporation whose last words were "Avenge me..." You can't make this shit up. This game is indie gold, and it seems like us North Carolina folks are the only ones who've tapped into this unabashed brilliance. I know it's hard to live up to Jordan's and my magnificence, but yall seriously have got to play this game.
23. Epic Dumpster Bear 2: He Who Bears Wins - Switch - June 10*
https://elkinfencer10.weebly.com/upload ... 2_orig.jpg

This is the game I've dreamt of since I first played Epic Dumpster Bear on my Wii U years ago. I spent sleepless night wondering what became of Dumpster Bear after he destroyed the evil corporation's space station and put a halt to their nefarious plans. Finally, at long last, I have an answer...but will this answer my questions, or will it just raise more? -cue ominous music-

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Let me be up front right here at the beginning; I know Epic Dumpster Bear is not a masterpiece of platforming perfection. It's an indie game made in Unity. It does, however, have something that a lot of bigger budget 2D platformers lack - soul. This game just oozes personality and style. It's message is a serious one - a warning about the dangers that unchecked and unrestrained capitalism poses to the environment and wildlife - but that message is delivered in a way that's both humorous and interesting. Not necessarily interesting in a compelling narrative with deep characters and philosophical undertones but rather interesting in that the writing is so clever that you can't help but be curious what the next bit of text dialogue is.

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Visually, it's identical to the first game. Even the icon is the same except for the addition of fire behind the dumpster and the number 2 with the subtitle. The obviously low budget aesthetic is part of its charm, though, and I don't mean that ironically. It really does just ooze charm. You can tell that this was a dude's passion project, and that's one of the most endearing things about the game for me. The sound design is pretty much like the visuals - virtually identical to the first game. The enemies and level traps add a bit to the first game, but you'll still see fire jets and barrel gators return. God, I missed the barrel gators. So stupid but so awesome. You do get two cool new mechanics; a forward attack and some special hats. In the first game, you could only attack by landing on enemies a la Super Mario Bros. In this game, you get an attack kind of like Mario's Tanooki suit tail. Depending on the level, you may also get one of two hats. One hat lets you throw curling stone bombs that slide across the ground until they explode, and the other hat lets you throw more traditional looking bombs that explode on impact. You have be on a level that gives you these hats, but they add a super cool element both to enemy destruction as well as obstacle destruction.

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The controls are mostly pretty good. Dumpster Bear's movement feels super slick almost as if he's sliding on ice whenever he moves, but it didn't take me long to get used to that. Jumping feels good, and aside from a few instance of spotty hit detection, the attacking feels solid and responsive. If this were a $10 or $15 game, I'd be complaining more about the controls, but between the game's charm and its low price point, it's really a solid package here. The controls aren't bad by any means; there's just a little bit of a learning curve to get used to the rather slick movement.

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Epic Dumpster Bear 2 may not be a Sonic Mania or a New Super Mario Bros, but for its price, it's a solid game, and it's probably my favorite indie platformer simply for how charismatic the game is. It's normally $5 - a completely reasonable price in my opinion - but for PlayStation Plus subscribers, you can get it and the first game for just under $5. I'm not sure if that's a regular PS+ deal or a limited time sale, but that's what I paid, and it's MORE than worth that price of admission. If you're good at platformers, it'll probably only take you a couple hours to get through the game. If you're not so good at platformers (like me), it may take a few more hours, but even then, I played through the game start to finish in an afternoon. Whether you're playing on Switch, PS4 or Windows, I absolutely recommend both the first Epic Dumpster Bear (psssst...play it on Wii U) and Epic Dumpster Bear 2.
24. JankBrain - Switch - June 10*
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From the brilliant mind that brought you Epic Dumpster Bear and Epic Dumpster Bear 2: He Who Bears Wins, the video game indictments of unrestrained capitalism that you never knew you needed, comes JankBrain, the video game indictment of cryptocurrency and global plutocracy that you never knew you needed. I, along with my friend Jordan, have a truly bizarre and irrational adoration for Epic Dumpster Bear, so when we saw that a platformer in the same style starring one of the bosses from Epic Dumpster Bear 2 was coming out on Switch, we knew that we had to play it.

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JankBrain, like Epic Dumpster Bear, is a 2D platformer that is, truthfully, rather simplistic. That's not a criticism, though; it doesn't get bogged down with added gimmicks or anything. The only gimmick here is the humor. As far as control and mechanics go, the only major differences between JankBrain and Epic Dumpster Bear is that JankBrain doesn't slide nearly as much as Dumpster Bear did, and JankBrain has a laser attack. While you can still bounce on top of most enemies to damage them, it doesn't do nearly as much damage as the laser. The bounce is really more useful for landing safely than dealing damage. The music, while not as catchy as Epic Dumpster Bear's in my opinion, fits the action in the game better; most people who went in blind without any Dumpster Bear experience would almost certainly say that the music is better in JankBrain.

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I keep comparing JankBrain to Epic Dumpster Bear not only because they're the same style of game but also because they're at least ostensibly in the same bizarre universe. I think. JankBrain was the boss in World 4 of Epic Dumpster Bear 2, so they definitely exist in the same universe. I haven't finished all the bonus levels in JankBrain, so I'm not sure if the Dumpster Bear will make an appearance there, but at the very least, the titular character made his debut as an enemy in the second Dumpster Bear game. They also have the same type of humor. The premise of JankBrain is that JankBrain is an alien from a species with a body mass that is roughly 90% brain (make sense considering that he's just a brain with arms and legs), but rather than argue about philosophy like everyone else on his planet, he wants to go subjugate another planet, so he goes to Earth and, seeing how obsessed with money we are, decides that the best way is to take over the global economy by stealing all of the gold from the world's central banks. From there, the cutscenes after each boss lampoons how money is at the core of all human existence and, eventually, how stupid and actually worthless not only fiat currency but also cryptocurrency is. For a teacher of history and economics like me, it's fantastic.

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JankBrain is definitely not nearly as smooth or polished as a AAA platformer like Mario or Donkey Kong, but for a $5 indie game, it's extremely competent and a ton of fun. The controls are tight, and while the hit detection is a little bit screwy - you'll find yourself dying to hits you're positive you should have avoided albeit barely - it's a ton of fun. The levels themselves are a great balance of easy to clear but very difficult to 100%, and the bosses are extremely challenging until you figure out the pattern. All in all, it doesn't have the charm that Epic Dumpster Bear does, but it's an arguably better-made game. If you're a fan of platformers, you absolutely owe it to yourself to play JankBrain.
25. B3: Game Expo for Bees - Wii U - June 10*
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B3: Game Expo for Bees! The newest super quirky indie game exclusive to Wii U does not fail to deliver in the departmentsof style and uniqueness. What it does fail to deliver, however, is a worthwhile gaming experience or any real substance. You play as Security Bee, the security officer (obviously) at the B3 bee game expo. The dreaded RoboBear attacks the expo, and you have to defeat it! You'll spend the next 30 minutes (maybe 60 if you EXTREMELY stuck looking for one not-even-all-that-well-hidden item like I did) solving basic puzzles, shooting five enemies and two bosses (and it's just the same boss twice), and generally wondering why you're spending your time on such a sub-par game.

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It's not that the game's bad, per se, but more that it's just so minimal and short and - frankly - pointless. It feels less like a game and more like a college student's project for a programming class. It does, at least, control well, and if you see it on sale (its new regular price is $5 down from $10), then I'd say give it a download just to have the quirky title on your Wii U, but it's not something anyone should rush out to buy. It is, at the very least, unique and quirky.
26. Apartment 666 - Steam - June 11*
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Sit down, kids. It's time for a cautionary tale. Do NOT buy a game on Steam just because it's on sale for $1 and you think it looks cool. Read reviews first. Watch gameplay videos first. Look it up online first. I didn't do any of those things before I bought Apartment 666, and look at where I am now. I'll never get back the 30 minutes I wasted playing through this game or the $0.99 I paid to download it. Truly, it's the tragedy of our time.

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Alright, let's break this train wreck of a game down. It's basically a "horror" walking simulator. Picture PT but really shitty and made by a 14 year old. That's Apartment 666. The layout of the apartment looks almost the same as PT, as well; just a right angle. You play as a 12 year old kid who can't find his parents in an apartment full of locked doors. When you get to the door at the end of the hallway, you end up in your bedroom again. Repeat this about 50 times, and that's the game. There's a little more to it than that, but it all pretty much involves the two doors on either end of the damn hallway. Every now and then one of the doors along the hallway will open. You'll usually have some newspaper clipping to read or some obscure and infuriatingly specific spot you have to stand on to trigger the door to unlock (because of course it closed behind you on its own). The latter is the part that really killed it for me. There's one particular part where you're in a "storage room" (although that's TOTALLY a casting couch and the kid just had no idea what his dad did for fun when he and his mom weren't home), and to unlock the door, there's a VERY specific spot in front of the couch that you have to stand on. It took me 10 minutes to figure that out; that's a third of the time I spent playing the damn game.

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The next problem is the voice acting. Jesus Christ, the voice acting. I legitimately think the developer got his 12 year old kid cousin to read lines from a hastily written script one afternoon and called it a done job in one take. They're not even well written. It's crap like "I wonder where my mom and my dad are," "I knew that this was a bad idea..." and "I am back in my room again?" The kind of shit that sure, you might think in that situation but that even protagonists don't often say aloud, and protagonists never say them in that silted a manner. The dialogue is stiffer than a middle school boy spying on his 16 year old sister's sleepover. Also - and here's the kicker with functionality - the game has three achievements, and one of them is bugged. All three of them are story achievements; start the game, get like 10% through the game, and finish the game. The "finish the game" achievement is bugged and won't unlock. The dev says "Look, 2% of people have unlocked it! It works!" and we're all like "Bro, you've got a 15 minute game, and you're telling me that only 2% of people who start it finish it?" All of this in spite of the fact that there are dozens of people on the Steam discussions saying "Hey, I finished it, and it's still bugged."

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Apartment 666 is fucking garbage, and I'm ashamed of myself for even spending $0.99 on it. The premise is interesting enough, even if it a blatant copy of PT, and it actually does manage to create a fairly creepy atmosphere early on...until its severe flaws become glaring. There's no real options menu, and your only graphical settings are to change "quality" between low, medium, and high (with absolutely no discernable difference between medium and high) and to change the resolution. No brightness setting despite severely needing one; parts of the game are so dark I literally had no idea where I was going and couldn't tell if the game had crashed or just plunged me into pitch black darkness. I almost wish the game had crashed. It sucks. Don't buy it. Go out and play Chasing Dead or rip your fingernails off with pliers before you buy this; both are infinitely more fun.
27. Hello Kitty Kruisers - Wii U - June 11*
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Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you a serious contender for 2014 Game of the Year. Just kidding, this game is shit. I know I shouldn't be surprised; licensed games - especially modern ones - are usually total rubbish, especially when they're aimed at a younger audience. Especially especially when that younger audience is female because I guess girls can't appreciate a good game like boys can? Patriarchal bullshit aside, I was legitimately disappointed. Not like "Wow, this is a bad game," but "Wow, this is a really bad game and I actually thought it would be decently entertaining."

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I'm a fan of Hello Kitty. Not a huge fan - I don't have any Hello Kitty shit - but I think she's a cute character, and I like her. I also like uncommon and rare games, and knowing that this was a game printed in low numbers on an unpopular console, I know this is going to be a rare game in the future, so I picked it up before prices got out of control. Sure, that was the main reason that I ordered this last week, but I also really did think it would just be your typical Mario Kart clone (complete with shitty Rainbow Road rip-off). Oh, how wrong I was.

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My gaming friend Jordan mentioned this in a thread on the Racketboy forums after I said I had ordered the game, and I can't help but agree with him - the game plays soooo slowly. Like, I'll compare it to Mario Kart. Mario Kart's difficulties are listed by speed - 50 cc is slow/easy, 100 cc is normal, and 150 cc is fast/hard. And on Mario Kart 8, 200 cc is plaid/you're-going-to-lose. Well, Hello Kitty Kruisers would stack up around 15 cc with no difficulty settings in sight. It's just....you might as well be racing on tortoises.

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It plays like Diddy Kong's Racing less successful little sister (and looks like it, too; Jordan was right about this looking almost like a 5th gen game); some races are done in karts, some are done in boats, and some are done in planes. Anyway, as for game modes, there are three - Quick Race, Tournament, and Adventure. I started with Tournament since it seemed the most straightforward and would unlock characters and stuff. There are four tournaments, and you unlock each one by beating the previous tournament. Each tournament has four races. At no point after the first 10 seconds of each race was I ever out of first place for all sixteen races. The AI in this game would make President Bush (the second one) look like a Rhodes Scholar. I saw racers driving the wrong way. I saw racers driving in circles. I saw racers driving straight into walls and just staying there, wheels spinning. During one race, I lapped every single opponent twice because they decided to have a giant clusterfuck of driving into the same rock wall all at once.

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If you haven't gathered yet, this game is laughably easy. I can't imagine four year olds having any difficulty with this game. Any difficulty to be had here is not due to level design - that's literally more uninspired than any game I've ever played - or even to cheap AI but to floaty controls. The planes control fine. The cars control okay - a little slippery, but not bad. The boats, though. Jesus fucking Christ, the boats are the floatiest fucking shit in the whole world. You try to turn in the boat. You're facing the direction you want to go. Your boat says "NOPE" and keeps fucking traveling in whatever the fuck direction it feels like. Normally this isn't a huge problem because the AI is so god damn useless. Enter the "Adventure" mode.

Adventure mode is really just 20 "challenge" levels, and THOSE are just the same four things repeated five times - collect every cupcake in the time limit, drive through every gate in the time limit, complete one lap in the time limit, and collect 99 apples in the time limit. I beat 19 of these 20 levels in one attempt. The third to last one, though....fucking collecting the cupcakes in the god damn FLOATY ASS BOAT. That one took me legit like a dozen tries. It's not that the GAME is hard. It's not that it's a cleverly designed level. It's that the boat is fucking broken if ANY semblance of control or precision is called for.

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You have a minute to collect 12 cupcakes in this level with a moderately twisty river course. Well, I say river, but it was more of a lackadaisical creek. Anyway, the first four cupcakes are in two pairs, side by side. I first tried getting one, turning around, and getting the other one before continuing, clearly overestimating the ability of my motorboat to do anything I told it to. That failed spectacularly. I then though "The course isn't that long; I could probably grab one as I go by and then just pick up the other two after finishing a lap in the last few seconds." Indeed, that is what you are supposed to do, and that would have been as easy as any other stage if it weren't for a couple of problems. Problem A - the aforementioned fact that the boat is impossible to steer. Problem B - the hit detection is ridiculous; sometimes you can miss an object entirely and hit it, and sometimes you go straight through it and the game won't register that you've hit it. This is rather problematic when your stages is "collect soggy ass cupcakes." Problem C - the banks of this creek have the gravitational pull of small stars. God forbid you brush up against one pixel of the bank; that fucker is going to have your boat in a death grip that it takes you a good three or four seconds to break out of. When the creek is just a series of 90 degree angles, that makes this tough.

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The racers are all identical in terms of performance, and while there does seem to be some real performance difference between the various karts/boats/planes, no where is there a stat screen, so who fucking knows what's better than what in what area. It's a total crapshoot. This is most noticeable with the boats - the motorboats feel faster but are literally impossible to steer with ANY precision whereas the hoverboats are slower but if you try REALLY hard and sacrifice a virgin to an eldritch god, you can actually steer it. Sort of.

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This game is garbage. Unless you're going for a full Wii U set or particularly like collecting low print Wii U games (like me), don't bother with this game. Don't even waste your time emulating it or downloading the $10 digital version. It's just rubbish. Are you or your kids fans of Hello Kitty? I don't care; still avoid this game. It will just hurt you on the inside. I beat and unlocked everything - all 16 tournament races and all 20 adventure courses - in an hour and a half. And I still feel like I wasted an hour and a half of my life.
28. Chicken Police: Paint It Red - Switch - June 12*
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I bought this game completely on impulse and purely off of the cover art. It looked like a gritty noire mystery but where every character has an animal head; as it turns out, that's exactly what it is. And it's a freaking masterpiece. I expected a stupid "lol meme" game, but this is a legitimately amazing mystery story.

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The main character is soon-to-be-retired Clawville PD detective Sonny Featherland, one half of the titular "Chicken Police" duo along with his partner, Marty MacChicken. When a young impala somehow makes her way into Sonny's apartment and asks for his help on behalf of her employer, Natalia Catzenko, who has been receiving concerning threats, he approaches Marty to get the band back together, so to speak, for one last case. Little does he know that what seems at first to be a simple harassment issue will turn into a conspiracy large enough to turn the power structure in the city-state of Clawville on its head.

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Aside from the fact that every character has the head of an animal on an otherwise human body and the subsequent animal puns, this is a completely serious and legitimately fantastically written noire mystery. The whole game is in black and white except for Natalia's green eyes (that's how you know she's at the center of the story) and red blood. There's also an option to turn on a film grain filter to give it that authentic 50s noire look. It's a lot like Ace Attorney in that it could principally be described as a visual novel but with a lot of interactive moments; you pick locations to investigate, who to talk to, specific questions to ask during interrogations that can determine how well the interrogation goes, and you have to put pieces of the puzzle together on a cork board at a few different points in the game. There are also some timed mini-game sort of segments. It's got enough variety to break up the potential monotony of a primarily text-driven game (although it is 100% fully voice acted).

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The fact that this game got minimal marketing and, from what I can tell, is sold only at Gamestop physically, you'd think this is a fairly mid tier quality game, but literally every aspect surpassed my expectations by a mile. The art style is just astounding. They manage to nail that old noire look PERFECTLY with the monochromatic color, the film grain filter, the character's outfits, and dialogue all working in tandem. Speaking of the dialogue, the voice acting is fantastic. Some performances were naturally better than others - Kerry Shale's performance as Sonny Featherland is legitimately one of the best voice acting performances I've ever heard in a video game - but not a single character had a bad voice acting performance. The choices of music as well perfectly complemented the zeitgeist of the game. The world building also has to be complemented; despite being a game that only lasts maybe six or seven hours, they manage to drop enough details of the world into conversation that you get a feel for the culture in Clawville, the situation of the world in the game, and the political tensions within the city-state and the real-world situations of which they're allegories. I'm being completely serious when I saw that most AAA studios don't make games that impress me as much as this game that seemingly came out of nowhere did.

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Chicken Police absolutely caught me off guard and swept me off my feet. I expected six hours of bland story-telling, so-so voice acting, and bad jokes, but what I got was six hours of brilliant mystery writing, deep characters, S-tier voice acting, fantastic writing, and an overall experience that I cannot recommend highly enough. It may not have enough interactivity to keep some more easily distracted gamers' attention, but for those who enjoy mystery stories and are into primarily narrative-driven games, but this is a true masterpiece in my opinion. There are optional side bits to discover and add to the codex that fill in some additional information about the world and characters, some collectibles to find, and different dialogue bits that play out depending on how you conduct your interrogations, so there's definitely some replay value to be had here. Overall, for a $20 asking price on the eShop, this game is a downright bargain when you take into consideration the quality. I really can't sing this game's praises enough, and I can guarantee that it will end up being one of those games with a cult following that not nearly enough people play.
Last edited by ElkinFencer10 on Wed Jun 12, 2024 9:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PartridgeSenpai
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by PartridgeSenpai »

Partridge Senpai's 2024 Beaten Games:
Previously: 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023
* indicates a repeat

1~50
51. Adventures of Lolo (Famicom)
52. Adventures of Lolo 2 (NES)

53. Adventures of Lolo II (Famicom)

Continuing my adventures through the Lolo games, I found myself next on this, the final Famicom game in the series. After how brutal the previous Lolo Famicom game was, I was prepared for something utterly vicious here, and it delivered in spades (and spikes, swords, and drowning! X3). Even abusing save states and rewinds like nuts, the game still took me close to around 35-ish hours to finish playing all 110 stages on emulated hardware.

The evil Lord Egger is back at it again, but, in a bit of a change from usual, he’s not after Lolo or Lala this time. This time, he’s used his vile magic to turn all the inhabitants of the kingdom to stone! Having been outside of the city at the time, Lolo and Lala are spared this stoney fate, and so they set off at once to go kick Lord Egger’s butt and turn everyone back to normal. It’s still a pretty standard Lolo fare, sure, but I have to commend the efforts they’ve gone through to make this feel like more of an adventure. From the world map to story events and even a twist at the end, this is still certainly just an excuse to weave together our puzzle game, but it’s the best job they’ve done of it so far, and I think that’s worth mentioning (and it’s also something I can see much more distinct echoes of in HAL’s later puzzle series, BoxBoy, for sure).

The gameplay, as I implied previously, is both very much the same with a few new twists. As far as new twists go, most of them are just for show, but they do have some actual utility/gameplay effects here and there. The world map, for example, where you walk around and go to different level hubs to tackle the 5~10 stages inside, gives the game more of an adventure feel, sure, but it also, very importantly, acts as an ability to actually choose which puzzles you’d like to do next for once in these games (somewhat like the old Eggerland games did). Granted, you don’t *always* have a choice on what you have to do next, but pressing Start while in a level (of which there are 17) brings you back out to the world map, so, if you’re stuck, you can just pop out of that level and choose another one for now until you feel up to tackling that tricky stage again (as you just go right back to the last stage you were at upon reentering a previously exited level).

This brings me to my next very important point: We’re finally rid of the annoying life system from the previous Lolo games! Where in previous Lolo games you had 5 lives per continue (with infinite continues) meaning you were constantly mashing Start at the title screen every 5 deaths to get back into the action, now you no longer need to worry about that awful pain in the butt. The new password acquisition system is, instead, done by just pressing Start on the world map. While the new passwords are a bit longer than the old ones, they’re not too onerously long, and this game is so much longer than previous ones in addition to being far less linear, it makes sense that the password system would have to get a little more accordingly complicated too.

Other small changes include the learning trees. In the first and second hub areas on the world map, there is an optional Level 0 with 5 stages each. These serve as a kind of tutorial for the game, and, even though they lack any kind of text explanations inside, they still do a pretty good job of showing off all of the game’s systems (from reusing egg’d enemies to warp holes) in a way where you have no choice but to get at least a bit used to them. While some of these are pretty damn hard, the game itself is pretty vicious too, so that just makes sense, I suppose XD.

The last little change is the previously mentioned boss battles. The previous Lolo game (both the Famicom Lolo 1 and the English Lolo 2) ended with a little boss battle against Lord Egger, but it was a pretty dead-easy fight that you could win by literally standing still. Lolo II has ten whole boss battles in it, and while they’re also pretty easy, they’re actually something of a challenge, and they make for a neat kind of victory lap once you’ve beaten that level’s fiendish puzzles.

The fiendish puzzles in question are largely the same sokoban-type puzzles they were up through the previous Lolo game (get all the heart framers and then the gem to win, one hit kills you, eight different enemy types, etc.), but there are a few new additions here and there. One of the main new additions is destructible bridges, but not the burning-over-lava kind that the previous game had. Now we have proper destructible bridges that automatically destroy themselves after being crossed over twice, and they make for a much more reliable and interesting mode of puzzling compared to the old time-based burning bridges (of which I wanna say this game has like only one or two instances of, if any).

The other new mechanic (if you can even call it that) is the underwater stages. While this is mostly just an aesthetic choice for the levels in the 3/4ths point of the game, they do have a unique enemy type in the Mobi, who is like a harmless Snakey (which also, amusingly, exist under water as well XD) but sucks you towards itself when it sees you. It’s not a game-changer in and of itself, sure, but the underwater stuff makes for a neat new kind of puzzling after getting thoroughly used to the land-based enemies in the first half of the game.

That puzzling that you’re getting, by the way, is hilariously evil too. I’ve used words like “fiendish” to describe it previously in this review, and that is entirely justified, frankly. Where I was able to beat Lolo 1 on the Famicom while only using save states for just two out of 50 levels (and didn’t need to look up solutions to any), I not only had to look up 4 (out of 110) solutions here, but I also had to abuse save states and rewinds for basically the entire game. There are SO many extremely tight timing puzzles combined with loads of nigh frame-perfect dodges you have to do to avoid instant death, I have no idea how anyone was expected to beat this on original hardware.

Even in all of the absurd timing puzzles I had to clear to beat this, two of those 4 stages I had to look up solutions for were, nonetheless, simply confirmation that some seemingly impossible timing challenge was, indeed, the actual way to do it. Another was one that I just wasn’t clever enough to figure out on my own (I’ll own up to that), and the other was one whose solution used a near-glitch in the game’s engine I had no idea even existed (and frankly I’m dubious on whether or not the Let’s Play I found to use as a guide even got the intended solution for that puzzle). Playing this game, full stop, is incredibly difficult to recommend unless you both love puzzles and have a serious patience for redoing difficult timing puzzles, but playing the game on original hardware without save states/rewinds is completely unrecommendable.

Aesthetically, the game is Lolo as it’s ever been, but just a little bit nicer. Most of the graphics will look very familiar to anyone who’s played the earlier couple Lolo games, but Lala having her own bespoke animations is a very cute extra touch, and the new environments for puzzles and enemies are also very nice looking. The music is a weird one. None of the music is bad, of course, and this is the first of these games whose music I’d describe as having an amusingly Kirby-like vibe to it. However, despite the different overworld sections having different music, there is only one song that plays during puzzles for the entire game, just as the previous Lolo games had. Given how little time you spend in the overworld compared to the dozens of hours you spend within stages, this is a baffling choice to me, but it is what it is. The game suffers a little bit of graphical flickering and slowdown here and there, but it ultimately plays and performs just fine, even when you’ve got a screen loaded with blocks and moving enemies.

Verdict: Not Recommended. This is a profoundly unfair game, and it was unquestionably designed as such. Playing it on original hardware is an utter fool’s errand, and even playing it with save states/rewinds will still likely drive you batty. Far too many of the puzzle solutions are based around extremely tight timing challenges rather than more procedural based stuff, and it just makes for a time that’s too frequently far more frustrating than fun for all the wrong reasons. Very dedicated puzzle game and/or Lolo fans might find this to be a worthwhile challenge to cut their teeth on, but even as someone who’s come to really love these games, I absolutely cannot recommend anyone touch this game. Just enjoy some other of the many Lolo or similar sokoban-like games out there, because it will be time far better spent than in this game (and if you wanna see the story and aesthetics, you can just play the far easier NES Lolo 3 instead anyhow).
Last edited by PartridgeSenpai on Thu Jun 06, 2024 5:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Raging Justice
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by Raging Justice »

Inscryption

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So this is the first roguelike game I have ever finished as I've tried to avoid this genre as I find the whole concept of it rather abhorrent. I've played Hades before, but never beat it as I just got sick of playing it. I decided to give the genre another shot with Inscryption after hearing a bunch of weirdos on reddit rave about it.

The game is a deck building game. I do want to try more games like this as I used to enjoy playing Magic: The Gathering. However, I don't want to play any that are roguelikes. The game also has some escape room puzzles.

It took a lot of save scumming and a few times I had to restore a previous save file (I have a modded Switch that lets me back up my saves on the SD card) to beat this game on one run without dying. I absolutely REFUSED to go through FORCED DEATHS in order to beat the game. Fuck that, and fuck roguelike games in general for this type of bullshit.

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So yeah, if not evident by the first paragraph of this post, Inscryption is a rigged game that cheats and does everything possible to screw you. This is a typical scenario:

Boss - "Too fast, too soon" - Game proceeds to blatantly cheat because you're doing too well

Me - "Fuck you game" - Begin to question my life choices

Learning the game, developing some skill, and making proper choices does tip things in your favor, but it's never enough to overcome everything that the game does to rig things against you. In fact, there's at least one fight that I believe is IMPOSSIBLE to win as it's meant to be a tutorial about dying. However, you need to lose twice in order to truly get a Game Over, so you can still continue playing the game after this forced loss.

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Winning the game without dying on one playthrough gives you a minor reward I won't spoil. It's not even a reward really, just an acknowledgement by the game that you pulled it off that remains on your save file for subsequent runs. However, here's the shitty part. I would later discover that you didn't REALLY beat the game if you manage to beat the last boss. There are more Acts to unlock that further progress the story. However, unlocking them requires you to figure out the game's "Escape Room" style puzzles. The really shitty part is that the methods to solve all of these puzzles require you to die and start the game over at least one time, and according to some online sources, two or three times :roll:

It's so dumb. This is why I don't get roguelikes. The whole YOU MUST DIE OR WE WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO PROGRESS thing makes no sense to me. Plus, dying multiple times apparently unlocks various things that make the game easier, like new items for you use (like the hook), and a certain campfire trick that supposedly breaks the game. This means you're not making progress because you're getting better at the game, you're just making progress because it's making things easier for you every time you die. What the hell kind of game design is that? Never mind, I already made a thread discussing how weird I find this genre, so I've just leave it at that.

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Inscryption has a fairly interesting story with some mystery and horror elements to it, that is compelling enough for me to want to explore. Plus, the card game is fundamentally fun during those few times when it doesn't feel like the game is cheating. It's a shame that the bullshit design just turns me off of the game. So I likely won't play any more of it and will just have to miss out on discovering the rest of its secrets and story.
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by ZRofel »

007 Legends (Xbox 360)

I wrapped this one up a few days ago, and while I can't say I necessarily recommend it, it was definitely interesting in ways that are fun to discuss.

Basically, it's intended as kind of a "best of" (and I use the term "best" very loosely) James Bond story, featuring levels from throughout the Bond film franchise. The opening cutscene is the beginning of Skyfall, where 007 is accidentally shot by a fellow agent and falls off a train into a river, which in the movie starts Skyfall's absolutely killer opening montage. In the game, though, Bond drifts along in the water hallucinating about his past adventures, which then take the form of the game's levels. It starts off with Goldfinger, then goes through On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Licence to Kill, Die Another Day, and wraps up with Moonraker. It's an... interesting choice of movies to focus on. Actually, it's kind of bonkers, since with the exception of the genuinely highly regarded Goldfinger, it's basically a laundry list of all of the worst Bond movies. That being said, apart from the kind of bland Licence to Kill level, each of the other films (obviously extremely summarized) make pretty fun videogame levels, and the wretched Moonraker does make for kind of an epic finale, what with Bond blasting off into space and having laser battles with people while the villain threatens to poison the entire planet. And, honestly, it was kind of neat to be able to play through some films that, as far as I can remember, have never been featured in a game before.

Where the weirdness really starts to ratchet up, though, is the fact that Bond in all levels is modeled after and voiced by Daniel Craig, and the tone of the game is much more in keeping with the darker, more brutal feel of the Daniel Craig Bond films. There's definitely a bit of tonal dissonance when you have the more taciturn Craig Bond making flirty quips with women named, I don't know, Horny McLegs or something (played by actresses old enough to be Daniel Craig's mother) like they all were in the much sillier older Bond films, shortly before using MMA to absolutely brutalize Moonraker henchmen who are, if we're being honest, dressed like the Spaceballs. I'm sure this all has to do with licensing issues, which between the actor's, Flemming's estate, and the incredibly convoluted film rights, must have been an absolute nightmare to navigate (and may be the real reason for the odd level selection), but it makes for a profoundly weird experience to play through. Never mind the fact that the Daniel Craig movies are technically a reboot and that, in the film chronology, he hadn't gone through any of those other adventures by the time of Skyfall.

There's also the little issue of essentially not being able to play the last level of the game. There are a pair of Skyfall levels released as free DLC which, considering the game's opening, were pretty clearly intended to be a bookend to everything, and were I suspect only released as DLC so as not to spoil Skyfall's ending since the movie hadn't been released when the game came out. However, again due to licensing issues, those levels aren't available to download anymore, so as soon as you finish the Moonraker level, the game cuts abruptly to credits. It's not like the game had any kind of cohesive narrative to begin with, but it felt kind of weird and unfinished.

As far as actual gameplay, the game is... fine. It's pretty much a FPS shooter with a number of mediocre stealth and vehicle sections included. By the end the game felt a lot buggier, but none of it felt terrible or anything. A number of the set pieces were well done and fairly exciting, and the gun-play was satisfying enough, although the henchmen body count felt pretty high, even for a Bond movie. Honestly, the only reason to play it is really for the Bond weirdness. If you're a big 007 fan, I think it's definitely worth experiencing. And it's pretty short, so even if it rubs you the wrong way, it's not like there's a lot to slog through.
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Re: Games Beaten 2024

Post by TheSSNintendo »

Resident Evil 4 Remake (PS4)
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