alcohol/drug stance

[dlmvii]

It's my third year at university now, and I've been struggling with this question for quite a while. I've never been drunk, high, nor slightly tipsy. I think in my life I've had the amount of alcohol contained in maybe 5 beers. I don't have any religious or health reason for this, I've just never done it. This was fine up until about my senior year in high school, when many of my friends started to drink. Now I think I am the only one who doesn't. And whenever I see people drunk, I get rather upset and pissed. But I'm still trying to figure out why. I know that people should be able to do anything they want to themselves, even if it is something destructive like drugs or alcohol. Unfortunately, this alienates me from quite a few friends sometimes, as you can imagine, since this is what most people do in college on the weekends. I just don't know why I knowingly push everyone that is drinking away from me and force myself to be a loner.
(I know this sounds a lot like whining, I apologize)
Anyone have any insight, or any kind of experience or advice on this?

[Funk, E]

If you don't want to drink (or et cetera), then don't drink.

But you don't have a lot of right to tell other people not to, either, unless they're being obviously and dangerously self-destructive.

That said: If it really makes you that uncomfortable, tell your friends that it does! Use 'I' statements instead of judgements, that'll prevent them from feeling threatened. If they're not willing to curb their, uh, enthusiasm in order to make you more comfortable, then you've got some thinking to do, eh?

I was in a similar position, actually, when I first went to college. I guess I was..I dunno. Afraid? I got over it decided to give alcohol a try once I got out of college, and now I enjoy the occasional drink in a social situation, and I've gotten drunk a few times, I find it pleasant enough. I smoke marijuana occasionally as well, socially, and get plenty of enjoyment out of that. They're 'social lubricants' in the truest sense of the words.

I've tried salvia divinorum on a few occasions as well and..well. I'll leave that for another time.

In any case, what I'm getting at is that you should try and figure out why you feel what you feel, so you can communicate it to your friends and those around you, and hope for some consideration for your feelings. That's all.

[profshiny]

I may not be the person best suited to answer. Instead of weekends, my drinking time in college was when it was dark. Or about to be dark. Or sometimes if I had a long gap between classes.

Regardless, here goes. While I don't think you should change your beliefs to fit in, if, as you state, seeing drunk people makes you actually angry, you need to get to the root of this. Maybe you were affected by an intoxicated person/alcoholic as a child, maybe you are afraid of being out of control either for the duration of the drunkenness or for a longer period in which you fear an inability to stop drinking, maybe it's simply fear of the unknown. All of those are legitimate reasons, and none of them may be correct, I don't know. Do some soul-searching and/or see a counselor who can help you figure out why you have this anger. Definitely, though, don't confront it by getting tanked. Then you'd just be angry and uninhibited, which is a pretty nasty combination. My freshman year in college I saw that combination end with another freshman beating the hell out of a water fountain to prove he "ain't no quitter."

[nucking futs]

It's my third year at university now, and I've been struggling with this question for quite a while. I've never been drunk, high, nor slightly tipsy. I think in my life I've had the amount of alcohol contained in maybe 5 beers. I don't have any religious or health reason for this, I've just never done it. This was fine up until about my senior year in high school, when many of my friends started to drink. Now I think I am the only one who doesn't. And whenever I see people drunk, I get rather upset and pissed. But I'm still trying to figure out why. I know that people should be able to do anything they want to themselves, even if it is something destructive like drugs or alcohol. Unfortunately, this alienates me from quite a few friends sometimes, as you can imagine, since this is what most people do in college on the weekends. I just don't know why I knowingly push everyone that is drinking away from me and force myself to be a loner.
(I know this sounds a lot like whining, I apologize)
Anyone have any insight, or any kind of experience or advice on this?

You shouldn't look at it that way. The alienation is a part of life and if a group of people disclose you because you do not behave like them they aren't worth the time you would spend with them anyway. The most important part is staying true to yourself.

Getting drunk/high/stoned or whatever will not really aid you on your way, and usually drug "abuse" has a lot to do with psychological problems people have. I like to see it that way: You may or may not know that our brain is "teaching" us through "drugs" (like serotonine, endorphines and others) which are produced by your own body.
An example would be the "aha" effect you have when you've remembered something you had forgotten prior. This aha effect comes with a little dose of your "selfmade" drugs (comparable to animals). Now when you start (ab)using drugs you take this part of selfawarding into your own hands and therefor (very often) loose interest in pushing forward in life.

Many people (including me) find it very hard to set new goals after a certain time of consumption and that is a serious issue. Sure there are people who "can" cope with drugs but that is a really low percentage. If i had to give you advice i would tell you to start drinking more if you like the taste of it. Not like "getting drunk" but maybe 1-3 beers while being out just to relax your inner self a little bit. Alcohol is not that bad of adrug because in small doses it's not bad for the health and it can be pure "stimulance". I'd also drink about a glass of water in between the alcohol so you don't get too trunk and have no after effects.

Other than that you could try something that gets your "bodydrugs" to flow like doing sports, or going to the voluntary fire department or stuff like that. This may sound weird but in order to feel satisfied with yourself you have to find something that lets you "feel yourself". Many people find this in drugs, but as i mentioned few can control themselves. You are free to try out all the options life gives you, so do something crazy, go skydiving or something that really lets you feel some of your adrenaline.

By the way one shouldn't overdo anything but with your own adrenaline you won't have an overdose.

Edit:
Actually now that i think of it i'm an idiot. My only advice for you is to check if your dissatisfaction comes from yourself or from the outside. Do you miss something? Or does the tv or other people "tell you" that you miss something? If you do, then try out new things, but be VERY carefull with drugs, even those that are supposedly "harmless" like mary jane, cigarettes and alcohol. It's always what you make out of them and what they give you. Usually you should try to get your kick out of life. That's the best i can tell you.

[Ack]

As a man partial to a bit of the stout from time to time, I found it very hard to enjoy the taste of anything alcoholic for a very long time. Eventually I did manage to get myself drunk...too drunk. A few nasty mornings followed and I quit. For three years. Eventually I would pick it up again, but never to the excesses that I did before, and almost always with friends I trusted.

I say almost always because even when alone you can't pass up the taste of a rare, juicy steak, a bowl of baked beans, and a nice cold beer to wash it down. Nothing beats that taste, no sir.

[gradualmeltdown]

IMO drugs are a personal choice and effect every person differently. Who is to judge Jimmy Hendrix's lifestyle for instance? Sure he died young but did more important things with his short life than millions of sober folks.

If YOU are happy without drugs its really that simple stay the way you are. Do not allow other people around you to effect that stance. It is completely ok to be annoyed by drunk people. They do things I would not and consider it ok because they are drunk. Drug use us never an excuse for ones actions. To me thats why drunk/messed up people bother me in public.

I personally smoke pot when composing music and playing deep/long games. I wouldn't do it around anyone but a select other people because I am a completely introverted jerk usually. In real life I am a happy professional and no one would even believe it. Everyone is different...find your own way!

[ZenLogikos]

The two different issues here are (1) drug use and whether it is for you and/or how much you partake and (2) your view of others when you are sober.

On the first point, I agree with most others here. It's your choice. Decide what you like and don't try to conform to others' opinions of you. Just because a large portion of society needs/wants that social lubricant doesn't mean you do/need it. Be your own man.

On the second, I too get pissed when I see drunks while I am sober. For me, it's just because I'm a generally responsible person, so I feel it's necessary for me to look out for the best interests of the drunk, so they don't hurt themselves, others, or damage property, etc. This really isn't my (your) responsibility, so I (you) resent it. I don't want to be a babysitter after all.

[lordofduct]

I don't know, I party sober and drunk. And sometimes partying gets irresponsible... that's kind of the fun in it. More times then not the most trouble comes when I'm sober.

I don't like being around drug addicts when they're high. Mostly because it reminds me of when I did it. But a) it's not that common so I can easily avoid it and still remain in a large social group, and b) a good deal of the people I know who I do hang with and they do drugs generally aren't doing it ALL the time.

You may not get along with a person while they are high/drunk. I can't stand hanging with some of my stoner friends when they are baked. So I don't. Do I remove them from my life? Why the hell!? I'm pretty sure they are bored shitless when I'm programming or watching some corny romantic comedy. They don't come around when I'm doing this, I don't come around when they are stoned. It makes neither of us less of friends. I don't think there is many people in the world that you can put up with 100% of the time.

As for the drinking though, and college. That gets a little more on the convenience factor. Now as I said, most of these drugs are only done infrequently, leaving great gaps of time for me to hang out with those people. As for alcohol though, well in college a lot of people drink... they're coming to that age, it's their "party years" so some movie told them, and alcohol is the most widely abused drug out there. It might be time you just get the fuck over it.

I can't stand a whole shit ton of things in this world. I can't stand it when men wear those big corny LA style glasses. I can't stand it when I hear people talk about how the poor deserve it. I can't stand people who think low taxes and high insurance rates is a-typical of a free market and we should just let it ride, I can't stand it when someone eats a PB+J in front of me with their mouths open, I can't stand it when some one places a pair of socks (worn or not) in my direct view.

The list goes on into political, religious, biggotry, and straight out quarkiness. Some people will think my opinions are down right atrocious and dispicable. As do I think some of theirs are. But I don't go running around punching people over it. Actually I don't do shit about it, they're allowed their opinions and actions.

And this includes drinking.

And if I stopped talking to everyone that did something I couldn't stand... well I wouldn't have any one to talk too!



for instance, Mozgus. Probably one of the few people on this forum I actually have an active friendship with. I can't fucking STAND a shit load of the things he says and does... and I bet some of you agree... but shit, I still like the guy. I think he's a fucking hoot!



Think of it this way, as your list of things you can't stand grow. Your going to alienate from more people. Bad things happen then. Not are you only an introvert who avoids people, but social activeness is a huge key of being successful. How do you expect to get promoted at your job, or run your own company, with no social skills. I'm sorry, but your ability to DO your job is a LARGE percentage about your ability to put up with other people's shit.

[Mozgus]

It's my third year at university now, and I've been struggling with this question for quite a while. I've never been drunk, high, nor slightly tipsy. I think in my life I've had the amount of alcohol contained in maybe 5 beers. I don't have any religious or health reason for this, I've just never done it. This was fine up until about my senior year in high school, when many of my friends started to drink. Now I think I am the only one who doesn't. And whenever I see people drunk, I get rather upset and pissed. But I'm still trying to figure out why. I know that people should be able to do anything they want to themselves, even if it is something destructive like drugs or alcohol. Unfortunately, this alienates me from quite a few friends sometimes, as you can imagine, since this is what most people do in college on the weekends. I just don't know why I knowingly push everyone that is drinking away from me and force myself to be a loner.

I am with you on everything except for that last sentence, and maybe replace "upset and pissed" with "annoyed". I like to be in control of my body. I never wished to let go of that control. For some reason or another, people become uncomfortable if they are temporarily letting go of their control, when you are not. I'm not sure what it is, but in my experience, if you don't use any of these fucking stimulants, people just don't want to be around you.

All I can say is get used to it. I can't tell you where you can find people like yourself locally, since I never have. I just maintain very minor connections with people at work, and one or two friendships with druggies simply due to the fact that I've known them for decades.

People are fuckin' stupid and weak, what can I say? Some people just can't live with clear thought. Some people can't socialize without temporarily induced retardation.

for instance, Mozgus. Probably one of the few people on this forum I actually have an active friendship with. I can't fucking STAND a shit load of the things he says and does... and I bet some of you agree... but shit, I still like the guy. I think he's a fucking hoot!

[Harvey]

When I was in college I often got annoyed when my friends drank as well. The problem wasn't that they were drinking. I grew up in a family where having a couple of drinks wasn't a problem. The problem was that the reason people drank in college was to get drunk. It wasn't to enhance a night of hanging out or going out. The whole purpose for my college friends to hang out or go out was to drink. Does that make sense?

When alcohol becomes the main attraction of an event, I find that event to be lacking of any substance. In college especially, drinking gets out of hand very quickly, and very few people have the maturity or experience to know when to quit. I would wager that about 1/3 of drinkers I knew in college would fit the clinical definition of alcoholic. I've seen alcohol mess up friendships in the worst way possible. If you don't want to drink, then don't. If you feel like trying it, do it in the company of people who aren't going to pressure you to drink more and more. That gets old fast.

I hope that you can remain friends with your drinking friends, because at some level, you are probably setting a good example for them.