Things devs should be punched in the face and crotch for

[Exhuminator]

Exactly what it says on the tin.

Thread title inspired by:

Developers who put them in games deserve punches to the face(or groin area) from everyone who's had to deal with that garbage.

[Anapan]

Too much AVGN?

[GSZX1337]

I hope I'm doing this right:
Devs should be punched in the face and crotch for shoving microtransactions in a paid game (e.g. Minimum). Doubly so if it's a Triple-A game (e.g. Call of Duty: Black Ops 3).

[Anapan]

OH! I get it!
Okay, don't make your characters more cute AND make the game easier. Only harder or crotchpunch.
Don't make every game's tutorial/story longer and less skippable than the last. For every 20 seconds of unskippable FMV...

[BoneSnapDeez]

3D graphics
Dual analog controls
Tutorial stages
Generic "orchestral" music
Cutscenes
Lengthy installation times
Overly long game time
DRM
DLC
Microtransactions

[isiolia]

Not providing alternatives to gimmicky controls.

[dsheinem]

harnessing the whole history of human knowledge, technological innovation, and creative expression...to create frivolous entertainment

[Exhuminator]

The entire Freemium concept in and of itself.
FPS enemies that take more than one shot to the head to kill.
FPS enemies that can headshot you from a mile away in the dark with a pistol.
Arbitrarily removing crucial player abilities for "challenge".
Long conversations just to save or buy things (quite a few JRPGs do this).
Escort missions where you have to protect suicidal AI and lose when they obliviously die.
Telling the player how to solve a puzzle if they take "too long" to figure it out (modern Resident Evils sometimes do this for example).
Timed puzzles or escape sequences.
Massive difficulty spike at the very very end of the game (JRPGs often do this).
Crucial item drops that are random (looking at you Crimson Shroud).
Constant tutorials (modern Nintendo games are sometimes terrible about this).
No ability to disable or enable subtitles.
No ability to affect text display speed.
The classic complaint; long unskippable cutscenes before a very difficult boss battle.
Boss rushes in general.

[prfsnl_gmr]

harnessing the whole history of human knowledge, technological innovation, and creative expression...to create frivolous entertainment

On topic...

Refusing to advance the game until your party has talked to one specific NPC merits a head punch. Refusing to the game until your party has talked to one specific NPC when it is incredibly obvious where you are supposed to go next merits both a head a crotch punch.

[BoneSnapDeez]

Ah yes, the old "trigger" mechanic.

Extremely common in old JRPGs.

Town guard: "You must talk to the king first!"
But I don't want to!!!!!