Having Kids - Parents chime in...

[bladerunner]

WARNING RAMBLE AHEAD

So I found out a few weeks back that the wife is expecting. We just told all the fam for Christmas and the fact that I am going to be a dad is just starting to sink in. I will be honest, the wife wanted this more than me. I am excited to be a dad for a lot of reasons, but there are some things I am worried about. Lets go through them:

Worries

Sleep - Funny that this should be my first worry, but being brutally honest, it is. I value, no treasure my sleep. I know that I will adjust and that a day will come when I my kid will sleep soundly, its just the intervening time I am worried about.

Video Gaming - You knew this would come up. I have been silently preparing for this one. I have basically turned my back on all multiplayer games knowing that I can't pull the "Hold on honey, just let me finish this match" routine with a screaming baby. So I have be reinvesting in single player games (Skyrim is looking mighty tempting) as well as actually playing some of my retro games instead of looking at them on my wall (bad I know). Anyway, I bought MW3, but haven't even tried the MP. I basically try to pretend SW The Old Republic doesn't exist. A hard feat. What do fellow gamer dad's do? Is it hard to still game once and a while?

Other People/In-Laws - This is a big one. You know how other people always have an opinion about raising kids? I hate those people. You can never measure up. Generally, I ignore these opinions, but some folks I know (read mother in law) just don't let up when you tell them to keep it to themselves. I really think this one boils down to my wife having to finally stand up to her mother, who she does live in fear of. I can be brutally honest with my mother in law and she doesn't care because frankly, she does not respect me. Heap on top of this the religious, holier than thou, bull plus the fact that she has not worked in 30 years (yet has the gall to criticize me of being lazy and I am the breadwinner in my house). You get the picture. Maybe having kids will make this relationship better. Maybe not. Either way it will be a s***storm.

Looking Forward To

Having my own kid - Seriously, having someone who is part you is kinda cool sounding.

Watching [insert favorite movies here] for the first time - I have always dreamed of the day I will introduce my future kids to Star Wars, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, etc. There is a world of awesome movies out there to share with these kids.

Sharing in the things we love together - I don't just want to share the things I love with my kids, but also see how their interests develop and see what they will come to love and revel in that too.

All in all, I am excited about having a kid. I have worries and those sometimes give me pause. If you are a parent, more specifically a dad, share your experience and wisdom, cause I could use some right now.

[dsheinem]

Congratulations! Yes, having a kid is a big responsibility and requires a ton of work, but the rewards are well worth it. And while having an infant is nice, I found the first year to be by far the toughest so far. Many dads leave and give up during that first year, and only the strong will survive. Gird up your loins and settle in for a physically and emotionally draining 2012, and know that once you get through that you'll be a much stronger man for it.

So yes - you will lose sleep, especially during the first year, so just be ready for that and accept it as a fact of life. Your body will adapt. I did not find that I had to give up much gaming time (look back at my Games Beaten 2009, 2010, and 2011 threads for inspiration) - I just did it when my son and/or wife was asleep. I also didn't have too many problems with unsolicited advice (frankly I was surprised how much advice I was glad to receive!. Now that my son is walking, talking, and taking an interest in different things (including games), we're like two peas in a pod and I wouldn't trade any of the time I've had with him for all the gaming in the world.

[Stark]

I have two under 2 and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but yes it can be challenging. Some advice (obviously this is opinion and what worked for me, blah blah blah).

Sleep I would say one of the more important things here is to make sure the kid has their own space and bed and that you have them sleeping in that as soon as possible. Everyone has their own timing here, but I think one of the most important things to ensure you and your significant other have time to yourself is that you don't have a child sleeping with you in your bed. For my two kids they were in a bassinet in our room for about 9-10 weeks and then have been in their own room since. My youngest still has a 9:00 feed, but the oldest has had a bedtime of 7-7:30pm for months and sleeps through the night.

Video Gaming This is going to go down at first, but like DSH said, you'll eventually get to share your love of gaming with your child and you will get just as much playtime, it just may be on some less adult fare, which isn't a bad thing. There are tons of retro games that are kid-watchable and a blast to play.

Unsolicited Advice This just comes with the territory. In-laws and your own parents want to give advice, usually out of love, at least for the grandchild, if not you. You'll just have to filter it for your own parent-raising style and you may find that none of it meshs with what you want to do.

Enjoy and congrats, it's a hell of a ride.

[bladerunner]

Thanks guys. Good things to hear. My wife just read these and said how mature you both sound about it. I guess that is one thing I need to gain. Along with perspective. Part of me feels like I will just gain those traits through the process of child-rearing. I know I always believed that one is never ready for kids until it happens. You just can't plan for every eventuality.

The one thing about unsolicited advice though that is hard is that some folks take a disinterest or rejection of their idea as a personal attack or rebuke. It kinda resembles the fanboy pattern. Reject what they love and it is like a personal assault. I need to just toughen up and let it roll off my back. Sounds like I have more important things to worry about.

[bmoc]

As a fairly recent first time father, I figure I should share some of my experiences (my kid will be 2 next month).

Sleep - There is no sugarcoating this: you will lose a lot of sleep. Just accept it and move on. It will get better over time and the amount of time varies greatly per child.

Video Games - Yeah multiplayer games will likely become scarce for you. You have the right idea investing in single player games that you can be paused. I was an avid WoW player before my wife got pregnant. My wife agreed to let me have roughly 3 hours a week to raid with my buddies before the baby was born. That did not work out at all when we tried it. My wife was very easily overwhelmed in the first few months and I needed to be available at a moments notice at all times. It became very apparent that MMOs were out of the question for the time being after my first attempt at raiding. Portable gaming worked out well for me because I could follow the little tike around the house as he was learning to crawl. I also read a lot of books during those times as well.

Unsolicited Advice - This never really concerned me at all. Ignoring advice and potentially offending someone was the least of my worries. Between dealing with my wife, the newborn kid, and being diagnosed with Crohn's disease, I just couldn't care less what someone else thought. Taking care of my wife and kid were my top priorities with my own health a close second. Everyone else could go screw off as far as I was concerned. The only problem I had with parents and in-laws was when one or more of them would start "helping" and just get in the way or make things worse. My wife did have to stand up to her mother a few times and tell her to back off.

That said, having a kid can be very rewarding and I hope you have a great experience! Congratulations to you and your wife!

[Bikeage]

If you have a boy, when he turns 10, buy him a baby horse. Have him lift this young horse over his head every day, and in a few years you'll have teenage son who can squat press a full sized horse.

[weaponepsilon]

I have a 7 year old daughter and let me tell you, there's nothing better. Yeah, the in law things may be an F-ing pain, but let me tell you firsthand how quickly the folks change their attitudes when they see you holding their grandkid. My wife got into gaming because she was pregnant and continues to this day. My kid likes games, but doesn't really game. Meh, she can do what she wants. But you will never learn to be as patient, as caring, as mature, as protective, and as loving to anyone as your own kid (so long as you aren't one of those asshole dads who just put on their running shoes). This kid will depend on you for the rest of their life and will likely draw a ton of influence from you. It's weird and awkward in a good way. I can remember a lot of nights sleep walking into the kitchen and getting a baby a bottle because I was programmed to do so. Just remember that you have the life of someone in your hands and what you do will have profound effects. Good luck man.

[da66en]

Don't worry, it's easy.

[chupon]

Father of two girls under 4 here. Writing from iPod so ill keep it short. So far everything everyone wrote is spot on. You sound like you're pretty well prepared. Everyone sacrifices for kids but they're worth it. Set your priorities straight and stick with them. For me if kids, wife, outside family, work, personal time. Some weeks I'm lucky to get 3 hours of personal time and I can't use all of that time gaming. Kids will make you cherish what little time you get to yourself all that much more. I always try to put them first though. If you game go portable and retro.

[Nutty]

Some weeks I'm lucky to get 3 hours of personal time and I can't use all of that time gaming. Kids will make you cherish what little time you get to yourself all that much more.

Spot on.

I am the proud father of a 3 and 1 year old. While you get much less time to yourself, you will be rewarded with watching your kid repeat cuss words you never thought they heard (typically during family gatherings) and telling the same bedtime story over and over again because they can't get enough of it. In a weird way those moments tend to make up for losing my "me" time.

Yes, you will get gobs of child rearing advice/suggestions from every angle. You certainly don't need to take it all as gospel, but when people tell you this stuff, they're typically sincere. If you give them a "Wow, I never thought of that. I'll give it a try!", it makes them feel helpful, so just humor them.

As far as sleep goes, both my kids were sleeping through the night when they hit 13 pounds. I'm probably fortunate for that, but the first couple of months will be hard no matter what. Be prepared to wake up every 2 hours at night during this time but you'll get through it.

Gaming: As has been said, any MMO is out the window. You just won't get any satisfaction out of 1 hour of playtime when you really need 3. To combat this, I have taking a liking to RPG's that I can save every few minutes such as New Vegas or the Disgaea series (just bought Skyrim tonight ).

Good luck with everything.