Anybody got any good (or bad) jokes?

[Big Stupid]

Tell me a joke to lighten my mood. Bonus points if its video game related!

[VincentX]

Video Game pick-up lines I came up with years ago:
"Hey baby, I'm gonna play you like a Sonic game. Hard and fast."
and
"How about we try your multiplayer adapter?"

[final fight cd]

what is the difference b\w oral and anal sex?

oral makes your day. anal makes your hole weak.

[jrod1986]

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of "house of ill repute" and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have a disease?" Of course the Madam said "No". He said, "But I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. And "THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right and he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back,still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and was headed out the door when the Madam stopped him, and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?

"He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.

When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home and on the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter' s, he and Mum will go to bed and have one and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and he will catch the disease, and He's the bastard who ran over my Frog!"

[VincentX]

Okay, that was awesome.

Here's one (probably NSFW):



So these two guys are sitting in a bar together and are chatting.
One says, "Man, I made the worst freudian slip the other day. I was at a restaurant and instead of asking for Tea and Biscuits I asked for Tea and Bitch-Tits."
The other one goes, "Oh man I totally know what you mean! Last night instead of asking my wife to pass the butter I said 'You stupid bitch you ruined my life.'"

[MrPopo]

I learned a few good ones at a Rat Pack tribute show over the weekend in Vegas.

"Do you know the difference between wild sex and camping?"
"No."
"Wanna go camping?"


A man walks into a store and says to the clerk, "I want 6 pounds of kielbasa." The clerk asks the man, "You wouldn't happen to be Polish, would you?" The man gets angry at this. "Why would you ask me if I was Polish? If I came in here asking for 6 pounds of corned beef would you ask if I was Irish? If I wanted pepperoni would you ask if I was Italian?" The clerk says, "No sir, I wouldn't ask you if you were Irish or Italian." The man then says, "So why did you ask if I'm Polish when I ordered the kielbasa?" The clerk says, "Because this is a hardware store."


There's a couple that's been married for 20 years. One day the man walks into the bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "Where do you think you're going?" The wife responds, "I'm moving to Vegas. I just found out the girls there get $100 for doing what I've been doing for you for free all these years." Upon hearing that the man starts packing a suitcase of his own. The woman asks, "Now what are you doing?" The man says, "I'm moving to Vegas with you. I want to see how you plan to live on $300 a year."


There's a couple that's been married for 30 years who are at the bank. While they're there a guy robs the bank. The robber then turns around to the next person in line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Yes," the man responds, and the robber shoots him. He then turns to the married man and asks the same question. The man says, "I didn't see nothing, but my wife saw you rob this bank."

[Scooter]

What does a blonde say after sex?


"So, like, are you guys all on the same team?"

[Alpinex2]

How is a women like a condom?

High Light Below.
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick

[GSZX1337]

A man with dandruff walks into an elevator with a blonde and a brunette. The brunette remarks: "This guy needs some Head & Shoulders." The blonde responds with "How do you give someone shoulders?"

[Luke]

I like to clog, woodenshoe?