Single Fathers

[jp1]

Jp1, exh, this thread is about Dave's situation. Please respect that.

I fully plan to. In fact that is exactly what I was trying to do. As soon as Dave says he isn't interested in what I have to say, I'll happily drop out.

[MrPopo]

Sorry to hear Dave.

From another perspective, I do think this is probably best for your kid when they're younger. Triggers can start at any age, but I would think the younger they are, the more obtuse the whole situation will be to them. Whereas in my case, my parents never officially divorced, but separated and I did the two houses thing, in high school. I was older, you understand more, and it feels like this can potentially make a deeper scar. Of course, maybe this is just purely personal and my own experience.

The small amount I've seen (a bit of Child Psych in college) it pretty much is bad at every age, just with different effects depending on the age.

[Ack]

I have no experience being a father whatsoever. I just wanted to say that every time I see the thread title, I think we're going to be talking about a Beyonce song.

[MrPopo]

I have no experience being a father whatsoever. I just wanted to say that every time I see the thread title, I think we're going to be talking about a Beyonce song.

I have a confession: I do too.

[noiseredux]

I picture Dave dancing in a black leotard. Not when I read the thread title. Just in general.

[Luke]

Actually I am mostly interested in this thread being a catch all for advice, whether it applies to my specific experience or not.

Jp1, exh, this thread is about Dave's situation.

Wait, what?

It's obvious Maru-run-run-run was stopping an argument, but I believe Dave wanted to create a thread similar to the "I have a kid, now what?" thread.

[jp1]

Actually I am mostly interested in this thread being a catch all for advice, whether it applies to my specific experience or not.

Jp1, exh, this thread is about Dave's situation.

Wait, what?

It's obvious Maru-run-run-run was stopping an argument, but I believe Dave wanted to create a thread similar to the "I have a kid, now what?" thread.

An argument you say? Nah, it was all good. It was already over too. Anyway, I don't think you and I are allowed in here.

[Luke]

This exact subject somehow came up in my Bible study so I figured I would pass on what I heard.

First off, get right with Jesus. Just kidding.

This advice comes from an older dude with an 18 year old. Dude went through a divorce when his son was eight. The dude's wife was a psycho hose beast that was emotionally abusive to a high degree. She meant to hurt his feelings. For example, when his hairline started to recede, she would target that as an insult because she knew it would hurt his feelings. Not a very nice person. He noticed she would do the same with their son. Not hair jokes, but she intentionally was trying to hurt his feelings. Again, not cool.

He mentioned all the negative stuff everyone has already mentioned. Using the kid as a bargaining chip and so on. I'll move on to the positive advice, so here are his suggestions:


Move along with the divorce as quickly as possible. Don't dawdle. The quicker the better for your kid.

As others have said, get a judge to sign off on papers.

Don't worry or think about things that could happen. Don't ask for advice on things that could happen. You're a smart guy Dish, and things will happen or they won't. Take them as they come and use your own judgement.

Surround yourself with Fathers with a positive outlook (this was his key point). JP1 isn't out of his element. Just shooting the breeze with other Fathers, divorced or not, has helped my friend immensely.

When I told my friend "I have this acquaintance who is going through a divorce who will be a single Father, and I can't give him any advice" he responded with "Good". Not on your divorce, but that I didn't chime in. But then he said that every Father has something in common with other Fathers: kids. He was super big on you hanging out with a group of Father's, be it through poker games/happy hour/etc. "You get solid advice without asking". And you pretty much are who you hang out with, so "Happy Dads" would be a good group for you.

He also stressed having dinner with your kid. No music, no tv, just dinner and conversation. Kids usually won't shut up so a simple "What's up?" should suffice.


That's all I got pal. I hope some of it made sense.

[Exhuminator]

JP1 isn't out of his element.

The only reason I said that, was because I was under the impression jp1 is not a single father, and that he seems to believe any marriage is salvageable. If I was wrong about either of those aspects, it was because the nature of jp1's posts lead me to believe as such due to their wording. That does not mean jp1 can't offer experienced advice on raising a kid in general however. Nor does it mean I think jp1 is a naive imbecile, or whatever he assumed I was being pompous about.

Anyway Dsh, I think at this point if you asked some questions about things you're interested in specifically, it'd go a long way in stimulating continued fruitful discussion in this thread.

[marurun]

Actually I am mostly interested in this thread being a catch all for advice, whether it applies to my specific experience or not.

Jp1, exh, this thread is about Dave's situation.

Wait, what?

It's obvious Maru-run-run-run was stopping an argument, but I believe Dave wanted to create a thread similar to the "I have a kid, now what?" thread.

You are correct. I "OOPS"ed the details. I was trying to keep things from spiraling off-topic and into not-at-all-helpful-to-anyone territory.