Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Gunstar Green]

Not to sound presumptuous but I think mas sort of suffers from the same mentality as hoarders when it comes to games, specifically because it's the hunt that excites him the most and not necessarily playing the games themselves.

A hoarder will often go looking for acquisitions because it makes them feel good, relieves stress and anxiety. If they find something they can't leave it behind because they convince themselves they need it.

Of course hoarding anything will eventually lead to more anxiety, especially from family and loved ones, which leads to more acquisitions to try and take away that anxiety. It's a vicious circle. This is where collecting becomes hoarding to me, when it becomes a psychological need and is more harmful than hobby.

In my opinion he's doing the right thing not bothering with flash cartridges and not owning the physical systems anymore and keeping the temptation out of his life.

[Exhuminator]

and keeping the temptation out of his life.

At least until the underlying untreated psychosis finds a different attraction to hoard rather than video games.

At this point its a 50/50 to which way it could go but to say the least I feel that we are both not giving up.

Glad you guys haven't given up, best wishes to you both.

[BoringSupreez]

The only issue my gaming habit has caused between me and my SO is carpal tunnel.

[jp1]

The only issue my gaming habit has caused between me and my SO is carpal tunnel.

Over-share much?

[marurun]

The only issue my gaming habit has caused between me and my SO is carpal tunnel.

Most likely you mean RSI (repetitive stress injury). Much more common than carpal tunnel but oft mistaken for it.

[BoringSupreez]

The only issue my gaming habit has caused between me and my SO is carpal tunnel.

Most likely you mean RSI (repetitive stress injury). Much more common than carpal tunnel but oft mistaken for it.

Is that the one where the pain goes away after not doing whatever caused the pain for a while? I mainly get hand pain after using a keyboard for gaming or holding a DS for a long time, but it goes away after a day or two of refraining.

[marurun]

The only issue my gaming habit has caused between me and my SO is carpal tunnel.

Most likely you mean RSI (repetitive stress injury). Much more common than carpal tunnel but oft mistaken for it.

Is that the one where the pain goes away after not doing whatever caused the pain for a while? I mainly get hand pain after using a keyboard for gaming or holding a DS for a long time, but it goes away after a day or two of refraining.

That is exactly RSI, right there. I used to get it all the time from long stretches of computer work, but then I realized I needed to keep my keyboard flat (rather than propped up) and make sure to use a mouse that's big enough and tall enough to give me better ergonomics. Also, switching back and forth a lot can cause RSI, so learn enough keyboard commands that you don't have to use the mouse until you need it, and then keep using the mouse until you need the keyboard instead of just constantly going back and forth.

[bacteria]

Well, speaking from my own experience, which is all one can do after all: I spent many a night doing modding especially when making the Project Unity system a while back, and it had a negative impact on my marriage in that we had a lot of arguments where my wife felt that my hobby was somehow more important than her, whereas in reality I got sunk into a project and time just flew by; I do have an obsessive nature, that's me. We are really close as a couple so I get her point but didn't like it much.

The result was basically I knew if I carried on with modding that we would have problems as a couple, so I had to cut it back a lot, to claim basically I had "lost interest" and as a result with the forum too; only way to distance myself was to stop the hobby; cold turkey in effect, make out i'd lost interest so she didn't know the sacrifice otherwise she'd feel guilty, which would have made things worse.

There were other reasons too I deleted my forum recently however this was ultimately one of the main factors in reality; bottom line is if a hobby gets in the way of a strong and close marriage, then choices have to be made - what's more important: gaming, internet fame with people you never meet, a following, a hobby, a forum which was built single handedly with blood, sweat and tears (considered one of the best in modding on the net I quote that from Hack-a-day); or a real-world strong relationship and marriage of nearly 19 years to a lady I adore; and couldn't bear to hurt or be without? In other words, internet or real life. Is the choice ultimately hard?

I made my choice. I did what I had to do. Your turn Vant3c. Nerds and geeks do not find relationships easy to make by nature, so when you have someone who loves you totally, and you do her, then don't do anything that will compromise that.

I will still do modding, and gaming, however consideratly less lower key and "as and when" rather than a couple of hours each day. I will still make some systems, and still post videos sometimes but far much less than before.

[Exhuminator]

only way to distance myself was to stop the hobby; cold turkey in effect, make out i'd lost interest so she didn't know the sacrifice otherwise she'd feel guilty

So you gave up a true passion in life because you could not work out proper time management between your marriage and a hobby. Then you misconstrued the situation to your wife just to spare her feelings, while at the same time not informing her of your own true feelings. I do not think you found the optimal solution for this conundrum at all.

[Sarge]

I don't think any of us can necessarily judge what the exact right course of action is. It's going to differ from individual to individual and relationship to relationship. Some people can keep their time invested under control. Some can't, and must necessarily go "cold turkey".

I know I've said it before, but if it came down to a choice between a wife that I loved deeply and gaming, I would give the gaming up. Again, not saying it wouldn't hurt, but what is marriage but shared sacrifice? As long as we were both sacrificing for each other, it would more than outweigh what I would lose in video games.

Now, if you're in a relationship that doesn't require such a sacrifice, that's great! But my views as a Christian on marriage are such that I couldn't just quit on it, and if giving up gaming is what it took, then that's what I pray I'd do. I love my hobby, but I suspect that will pale in comparison to my eventual wife.