Gunstar Green wrote:
I think your marriage has much more serious issues than video games.
Breaking News!!! Ice melts under direct sunlight.
Sorry. Had to.
It's still worth reiterating since the crux of the thread (initially) was how we balance hobbies with a significant other, which is a fair question.
Outside of the typical "this is why I'm not getting married, hide your games, get a pre-nup" nonsense from those who really have nothing to add, I think there's been a lot of good advice shared (especially by you, imo).
I find it curious that the topic or sentiment of presence of mind hasn't been fully explored or discussed.Being an introvert, video games let me get inside my own head for a little while, reflecting a bit and just enjoying one of my hobbies. During that time, I'm recharging. My wife is absolutely fantastic with respecting this need, as long as I'm not bingeing and losing sight of other parts of my life.
However, if I'm playing a handheld on the couch or occupying the TV, I don't always transition from playing a game to listening to my wife very well. Our brains aren't hardwired to multitask, so when I'm playing a game, I'm usually not paying attention to what else is going on around me. That can easily turn into a point of contention if I don't make a conscientious decision to put down the game and acknowledge my wife's conversation or attempt to engage me and then to that point, are you having feelings of impatience because you were interrupted? I think that's an important caveat that I haven't quite heard yet and wanted to call it out. When we game, are we shutting virtually everyone and everything else out around us?
Sure, we might be sitting on the couch together, doing our own things, but are we truly being present and engaged with one another? As I've transitioned into married life, that's something that I constantly try to do better. I'd be interested in hearing if others weighed in on that piece.
Blu wrote:Sure, we might be sitting on the couch together, doing our own things, but are we truly being present and engaged with one another?
This also dips into the "everybody has their face shoved in their smartphone / tablet all the time" familial devolution we've got going on nowadays. Sometimes it annoys me for instance when I'm trying to watch a movie with my daughter while she's got all her attention funneled into her iPhone. At the same time though, I appreciate that her physical existence is at least cohabiting the same couch as my own. And in that regard; I think a lot of wives would be happy just to have their husband gaming within the same room as them while they watch their TV shows. At least that act staves off a feeling of abandonment to a degree.
I appreciate that her physical existence is at least cohabiting the same couch as my own. And in that regard; I think a lot of wives would be happy just to have their husband gaming within the same room as them while they watch their TV shows. At least that act staves off a feeling of abandonment to a degree.
Maybe this would work for her as we start this counseling with each other. Then again I do not know. I would be open to playing games in the same room either by a handheld or some other manner of compromise that would suit her. This is all based off if its this type of issue of being alone.
I have been married 10 years, and no kids just yet, but one thing my wife and I are always open about are finances. According to any number of sources in a variety of media, money really is the number one wedge issue that couples have to deal with. Sometimes it's a foil for other issues and insecurities, and sometimes other issues become foils for money, but money does seem to be the big number 1.
Counseling is where you start, and where you end, nobody knows, but hopefully you'll both be better for it, regardless of the outcome.
I have also read that money is the number one issue as well. Taking that to heart, my fiance and I combined our bank accounts, investment funds, and retirement plans two years ago. We did this partly to see if we could make that even work, and also because she is way better at handling finances then I am. The good news for us is that this has worked out well, so now I'm not worried about money when we actually get married (which happens this upcoming October), because we've already ironed that issue out. Reading how many happily married couples have chimed in within this thread has been encouraging for me.
I wont go too deep into this topic because every situation is unique and never ends the same. One thing I can say from experience is, when a separation happens one can go through many emotions. Anger, betrayal, self loathing, rejection, etc. Sometimes, we blame ourselves, sometimes we blame the other person. Depending on if you are the one leaving or the one left, we are willing to do anything and everything to absolutely nothing.
With that being said, I also agree with a lot of the other members, there is probably a deeper reason why she is unhappy. Giving in to her every demand may eventually not be enough. I liken it to a bottomless pit, no matter how much dirt you put into it, it will never fill up. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness but your own. If she would like to join in? Well, that's the way it should be. Best of luck.
I just want to say that I've enjoyed this thread. Lots of good advice has been given. I am married to a non-gamer, but its really never been a point of contention. I attribute some of this to a few keys points
1) I don't play a lot of games while she is present, especially not for long periods of time. This allows us to maximize our time together.
2) I've tried to keep my collection organized, clean, and out of the way. If I left cables, controllers, dusty old consoles, etc, just laying around all the time, in multiple rooms of the house, it would be a big issue for her and my hobby probably become be a sore subject bc it would constantly be under her nose and getting in her way.
3) The last thing is I tend to only spend only my fun money on games and collecting. We each have our small allowances each month and I typically use only this money to buy stuff so that it doesn't interfere with our normal budget. I also trade and sell stuff to keep costs down. Exceptions are larger purchases (a new console releases for example) which I save some money up in advance and then discuss spending some of our shared money to complete the purchase.
"The librarian does not rue the library, nor the curator fear the exhibits. Rather they revel in their potential. And that is the beauty of a big backlog; pure potential." - Exhuminator
8bit wrote:I've tried to keep my collection organized, clean, and out of the way. If I left cables, controllers, dusty old consoles, etc, just laying around all the time, in multiple rooms of the house, it would be a big issue for her
I agree this is an important factor to consider. In my case I have one room dedicated in the house (my "dork cave") where I keep most of my video game equipment and games. My fiance has mentioned before she doesn't care how much of that stuff I hoard as long as I keep it out of the way, so that's that. We do have some video game stuff in the living room hooked up to the main HDTV, but that stuff is kept in an entertainment center with cabinet doors that hide all of it when not in use. I also keep a handheld hidden away in the master bedroom's bedside stand, not sure if she even knows that's there though.
Part of the reason I got the Retron 5 is so I could keep something hooked up to the living room TV (well that and old consoles would look like ass on the living room TV anyway).
But my significant other is a gamer as well and appreciates the collection so I don't have the same problems some of you might have.
