Luke wrote:Marriage should be anything but mundane.
I read it as he meant there's a lot of daily routine to a marriage that isn't necessarily invigorating, not that he finds his wife boring.
Nah, I get that. Surely someone wouldn't want to call their wife boring. My point is that you make the choice to make things routine. You can go through the motions or shake shit up. That's what makes life worth living. Making the bed can be fun. Doing the laundry can be fun.
The way I see it, not only do I owe it to my wife, I owe it to myself to not simply go through the motions. We have fun doing the dishes together because we do them together. If you don't keep things interesting, they get stale. They get mundane. It takes effort, but effort worth using.
He is trying to accomplish helping you out with your marriage troubles, as you requested. This is likely to result in some things you don't want to hear. If you think you have no fault in the situation, it's already too late for someone to help.
Are you posting in tandem on some forum that might have a greater respect for your wife's position, so you could understand her feelings on the matter more adequately?
How about wasting over $15,000 dollars in our savings account with nothing to show for it at all? I have been fair to her feelings and want to work it out. But, that is a point of contention for me.
Would you want or could work it out if your wife or SO did the same to you? I am being fair to her to want to work it out.
Sounds like some serious animosity going on. I'll answer your question though. My wife does not have a monetary value, so yes I would still want to work it out. We would be addressing both her issue, and mine that likely would have contributed in some way. I would be pissed, no doubt, but not so much as to call grounds for divorce.
I think you get progressively more confrontational as people challenge your position, this doesn't jive with the whole "wanting to find a compromise" thing. We aren't trying to attack you personally, just trying to fill in the blanks in a co-authored narrative of which we only have your side.
Sounds like some serious animosity going on. I'll answer your question though. My wife does not have a monetary value, so yes I would still want to work it out. We would be addressing both her issue, and mine that likely would have contributed in some way. I would be pissed, no doubt, but not so much as to call grounds for divorce.
I think you get progressively more confrontational as people challenge your position, this doesn't jive with the whole "wanting to find a compromise" thing. We aren't trying to attack you personally, just trying to fill in the blanks in a co-authored narrative of which we only have your side.
That's fair but I only found out about it till after we had split. I let her take care of the finances cause she told me that she could. Then when I started to look over everything and found lots of purchase's and was never told to me that is a bold lie and trust issue. I love my wife but that's our hard made money wasted on nothing. I can handle the money but to lie to me and betray my trust is what I am most upset about.
I want to build a future not only with my marriage but also financially so that when I get older we will be able to retire with a 401k, roth and have money put aside as well. I hope you understand where I am coming form and the anger that yes is there. If she told me straight up that she did this things and did not hide it from me. I would not be as upset. Its the trust that I placed in her to do the right things and she did not do it and lied to me on top of that.
To clarify we have spoke about this as well. I just want to give some more perspective as to why i feel the way about our marriage.
jp1 wrote:I would be ashamed and embarrassed to tell people that video games ended my marriage.
If this marriage ended over the issue, once again the video games themselves aren't the reason. One might say, "my wife's demands to monopolize my free time ended our marriage" instead. Because that's more the rub that OP is describing. (Even if it's not the whole honest story or entirely accurate.)
Well, you did leave out my caveats to be fair. However, this was intended as a personal statement of my feelings. I didn't mean to imply that everyone should feel that way. It was put out there so perhaps my line of reasoning would make more sense to those who hold gaming in much higher regard.
Sounds like some serious animosity going on. I'll answer your question though. My wife does not have a monetary value, so yes I would still want to work it out. We would be addressing both her issue, and mine that likely would have contributed in some way. I would be pissed, no doubt, but not so much as to call grounds for divorce.
I think you get progressively more confrontational as people challenge your position, this doesn't jive with the whole "wanting to find a compromise" thing. We aren't trying to attack you personally, just trying to fill in the blanks in a co-authored narrative of which we only have your side.
That's fair but I only found out about it till after we had split. I let her take care of the finances cause she told me that she could. Then when I started to look over everything and found lots of purchase's and was never told to me that is a bold lie and trust issue. I love my wife but that's our hard made money wasted on nothing. I can handle the money but to lie to me and betray my trust is what I am most upset about.
I want to build a future not only with my marriage but also financially so that when I get older we will be able to retire with a 401k, roth and have money put aside as well. I hope you understand where I am coming form and the anger that yes is there. If she told me straight up that she did this things and did not hide it from me. I would not be as upset. Its the trust that I placed in her to do the right things and she did not do it and lied to me on top of that.
To clarify we have spoke about this as well. I just want to give some more perspective as to why i feel the way about our marriage.
Yes, that does make more sense. This is exactly why a counselor would be infinitely more useful, they would dig for these details that make a big difference in how you both should proceed.
With the both of you there, it is less likely anything would be skewed for personal justification as well. I do wish you the best, whether or not you two end up together. I'm happy to know kids aren't involved, that certainly simplifies things.
We are to the point to where the advice and situation is too specific for internet strangers to help. We can say general things regarding marriage overall, but without knowing both people or specifics, there isn't much more to say that has any merit.
The fact is, what people find ideal in marriage will vary vastly from couple to couple. What Luke or JP1 see in a marriage is different for me and my wife or perhaps Dave and his. If I did a lot of the things Luke does, my wife would look at me crazy, but that's fine because that really works for them, and how my wife and I are work for us.
Some people need alone wind down or recharge time. Some hate being alone and want to spend all possible hours in their spouse's company. Video games is one a many different activities one can spend that alone time doing. I value my alone time, especially now that I have a kid. Me saying that though, doesn't mean I don't love spending time with them, or miss them when they are gone, because I do. I just like having that time to myself, and luckily for me, my wife values that as well for herself. Figuring out these time management issues and time boundaries, and the needs of your spouse and yourself for such time is important to a marriage.
The fact is, what people find ideal in marriage will vary vastly from couple to couple. What Luke or JP1 see in a marriage is different for me and my wife or perhaps Dave and his. If I did a lot of the things Luke does, my wife would look at me crazy, but that's fine because that really works for them, and how my wife and I are work for us.
Some people need alone wind down or recharge time. Some hate being alone and want to spend all possible hours in their spouse's company. Video games is one a many different activities one can spend that alone time doing. I value my alone time, especially now that I have a kid. Me saying that though, doesn't mean I don't love spending time with them, or miss them when they are gone, because I do. I just like having that time to myself, and luckily for me, my wife values that as well for herself. Figuring out these time management issues and time boundaries, and the needs of your spouse and yourself for such time is important to a marriage.
100% on the money with this. I agree and that's what we both hope for.
