Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[fastbilly1]

I would not ask her to sacrifice her any hobby or time to just spend with me because at the end of the day we love each other and I hope we both understand that.

I would say it is quite obvious that you both do not understand that.

Yall need to have a serious discussion about time management and where your relationship really is.

[prfsnl_gmr]

The right thing is always the hardest but I would rather know that I did what we could and did not give up on my marriage.

This is not correct. The right thing is not always the hardest. It may be better for both of you to end your marriage. As I said earlier, you don't have any children, and it will not be difficult to untangle yourself from this relationship.

A very good friend of mine married his college sweet heart a few years after graduation, and during the reception, my wife remarked that the groom spent all of his time with his friends and that the bride spent all of her time with her friends. We left feeling like they got married out of a sense of obligation. ("We've been daitng for seven years! We can't give up on that! We have to get married!" and "We have a house together! Everyone expects us to get married! We have to keep going!") The marriage lasted two years before falling apart. Thankfully, they didn't have any children, and both of them have moved on to be with people for whom each of them are much better matched.

In sum, do not fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy and think that, because you are currently married, you have to stay that way. I do not advocate renouncing your marital vows lightly - and certainly each relationship has its ups and downs - but at a certain point, you may realize that you are your wife are fundamentally incompatible regardless of how much you love her. At that point, the right thing to do is to end the relationship.

.....

Also, this:

Look at the free time you both have together. Divide it in half. Spend half of it devoted to being with her. The other half you get to do what you want by yourself. And she can do what she wants with that other time as well, if she needs social interaction than she can call people, get on social media, or hang out with a friend. If she can't handle that trade off, then I think she's being unreasonable, and I personally would not be able to deal with that sort of behavior.

If this ends up being irreconcilable in that regard, I don't think your marriage is necessarily over. At that point a mediator, a marriage counselor, is needed. They can hear both sides and make sure communication on this matter is crystal clear between you. They can then offer exercises that you both can do to improve the situation. Forum opinions are only good for so much, but a professional will offer true help.

It is good advice.

[Vant3c]

If this ends up being irreconcilable in that regard, I don't think your marriage is necessarily over. At that point a mediator, a marriage counselor, is needed. They can hear both sides and make sure communication on this matter is crystal clear between you. They can then offer exercises that you both can do to improve the situation. Forum opinions are only good for so much, but a professional will offer true help.

We are going to a marriage counselor tomorrow evening to work out our issues and needs. I think that or I mean to say we hope that we can work out our marriage because we both deep down love each other and have both done so much for each other. We just have issues we are going to have to improve on and hopefully find a means to work it out.

[Exhuminator]

We are going to a marriage counselor tomorrow evening to work out our issues and needs.

I am very glad to hear that. The fact that you both are willing to do this shows there is hope. Let us know how it works out.

[Vant3c]

I want to let every one that thank you for all the reply's, ideas and various advice. I want you all to know that I appreciate all of it. I just know that a lot of people on here are married or in a relationship and might have some advice that would help me out some. So again thank you for taking your time to help talk about this with me.

If any of you went through this and came out the other end better than you was before either married or not. Keep a mindful thought to my situation and if you are religious give a small prayer if you would. Cause at the end of the day I know that I cant be the only one going through this type of situation, and I hope that anybody else going through this will make it. I know that I want it to.

[J T]

It is difficult to find someone who has exactly similar interests to partner with. This means that any successful relationship is going to involve a change in the activities you are used to (i.e. giving up time on your unique interests, including video games) and will also involve times where you are left out of the relationship (i.e. your partner does their own thing that you have no interest in). You two will have to keep good communication to negotiate how to balance your competing interests.

From what you've said, it sounds like she is willing to give up more of her individual time to spend more time with you, while you are willing to give up more of your time with her to play video games. You believe that your feelings of love for each other are strong enough that this time apart should not matter, and she believes that your feelings of love for each other are strong enough that both of your individual hobbies should not matter. You seem to agree on how you feel, but not on how you should act. Nevertheless, she doubts how you feel because your actions (playing games) are spent away from her, while you doubt how she feels because you feel your personal time is not respected. This is where compromise needs to happen on both sides until you find a balance that works for you both.

Speaking from personal experience, I know if my wife had her way I would not play video games at all, except on the rare occasion that she has one she wants to play with me. At the same time, she knows that playing games is part of my identity and influences my personality in ways that make games part of who I am and how I think (including the parts of me she likes). So, she knows I'm going to play sometimes and I know I'm going to have to put down the controller sometimes.

[Sarge]

I'm not married, so I really don't have perspective on this, but absolutely exhaust all possibilities before ending the relationship. Hopefully the marriage counselor will help in that regard, whether it's something that you need to change, she does, or both of you.

Will definitely say a prayer for you.

[ninjainspandex]

I recommend putting your games in a storage facility before bringing up the D word, lest they all get destroyed.

[jp1]

Drop the games if you love your wife. It really is that simple. You can find some new activities you both enjoy and make things work. If that doesn't sound reasonable to you then there are bigger problems to be addressed in my opinion.

Sure, compromise...etc...etc...

In the end there is a hell of a lot more to life than playing video games. My wife is cool, so as long as it doesn't involve lying or cheating...I do pretty much whatever I want. In turn "what I want" is most often to just spend time with her. She likes mario games, so if I want to game without excluding her, we play mario. If she asked me to drop the games altogether, I would, without hesitation. I think the knowledge of that fact alone is one of the reasons she wouldn't ever ask.

[Jmustang1968]

Drop the games if you love your wife. It really is that simple. You can find some new activities you both enjoy and make things work. If that doesn't sound reasonable to you then there are bigger problems to be addressed in my opinion.

Sure, compromise...etc...etc...

In the end there is a hell of a lot more to life than playing video games. My wife is cool, so as long as it doesn't involve lying or cheating...I do pretty much whatever I want. In turn "what I want" is most often to just spend time with her. She likes mario games, so if I want to game without excluding her, we play mario. If she asked me to drop the games altogether, I would, without hesitation. I think the knowledge of that fact alone is one of the reasons she wouldn't ever ask.

Why would you want to be with someone who would force you to give up something you enjoy just because it isn't something she enjoys?
My wife loves to craft. It would be very selfish of me to demand she quit doing that to spend more time with me. I think healthy relationships are ones were you can respect your loved ones personal hobbies and also enjoy time spent together. A balance needs to be struck.