What was the last movie you've seen?

[Ack]

Mortuary

Christie Parson is having a bad year. Her father died a month ago, and she believes he was murdered. Her mother seems unresponsive and unhelpful, going out on dates. She sleeps poorly and sleepwalks. Her relationship with her boyfriend is falling apart. The local awkward nerd has the hots for her. And she believes she is being stalked by a man in a black robe.

Mortuary is a slasher film from the early 1980s, in which a girl whose world is falling apart is stalked and harassed by a man wielding an embalming tocar as a weapon. There are also witches, seances, a bumbling sheriff who blames the kids, so on and so forth. The film starts with a poorly filmed murder sequence(seriously, it was pitiful), and then goes through some weirdness as our hero Greg and his best buddy try to get revenge on the local funeral home director for firing him. Unfortunately for Greg's buddy, he's slasher film fodder. Eventually, after a slowly-paced hour, the killer appears and actually goes about doing his killing, until he is finally bested by Greg in a final fight sequences which is painfully ridiculous as Christie kills him from behind with an axe while sleepwalking, followed by the film trying to have a shock ending that just comes off as stupid.

There are a couple of highlights for you perverts out there, such as Christie Parson(played by Mary Elizabeth McDonough) and her mother, Eve Parson(played by Lynda Day George), spending a good thirty minutes of the film in their nightgowns. The movie is just under 90 minutes long. They're in their nightgowns for a third of it. The sad thing is, the titillation is necessary because this film is really dull. Christie's plight is rendered far less interesting once it's revealed that her mother really does care, and the other mysteries of the story are all explained in such a nonchalant way that I found myself just not caring.

But I mentioned a couple of highlights, and there is one other. The killer! Sure, his kills just aren't that flashy, and his costume sucks, but that's not important. What's important is: who is the killer? Or more specifically, who is the actor playing the killer?

You wanna know who it is?

Game over, man! Game over!

[REPO Man]

MECHANICAL VIOLATOR HAKAIDER

Been wanting to watch this for a while and finally did.

Loved it.

[BogusMeatFactory]

By Noise's recommendation I watched, Mazes and Monsters and loved it! What an absurd film based off of an absurd novel. Tom Hanks plays Robbie, who loses touch with reality thanks to a Dungeons & Dragons style game. What makes this movie so ridiculously charming is the ham-fisted supporting cast and amateur acting. I couldn't recommend it enough so watch it on Youtube while you still can!

[Pulsar_t]

Moroder's own sublime work on Blade Runner fer'instance.

Pardon? You mean Vangelis?

I love Vangelis' work on the Blade Runner soundtrack. I listen to it daily.

I wish he'd do a new album based on old synth instruments.


Black Swan

Finally got around to watching this. Satoshi Kon's original film is miles better naturally, and I didn't fancy the ending that much. Portman's performance however made it all worth it.

[J T]

Because it's holiday appropriate and it's awesome.

And because I live in a country where people pay attention to a groundhog looking at its shadow to predict the weather, but deny scientists' predictions about global warming and climate change.

[dsheinem]

but deny "scientists'" predictions about global warming and climate change.

FTFY

[Ack]

And because I live in a country where people pay attention to a groundhog looking at its shadow to predict the weather, but deny scientists' predictions about global warming and climate change.

That's because the groundhog isn't a registered Democrat. He voted for Perot.

[prfsnl_gmr]

And because I live in a country where people pay attention to a groundhog looking at its shadow to predict the weather, but deny scientists' predictions about global warming and climate change.

That's because the groundhog isn't a registered Democrat. He voted for Perot.

...for president...in 2014. Groundhog is crazy that way.

[AppleQueso]

And because I live in a country where people pay attention to a groundhog looking at its shadow to predict the weather, but deny scientists' predictions about global warming and climate change.

That's because the groundhog isn't a registered Democrat. He voted for Perot.

...for president...in 2014. Groundhog is crazy that way.

What will really blow your mind is that Perot won that election.

[Ack]

R.O.T.O.R.

I HATE THIS MOVIE! Like A*P*E, this movie was a failure on every level. But this movie didn't even have the good grace to show me a man in a monkey suit giving me the finger. Everything about this film is bad: the acting, the narrating, the sound work, the cinematography, the script, the editing, the special effects. Everything. Characters are obviously dubbed over, and their voices are bland and emotionless. They go off on tired monologues about the philosophical questions concerning their building a killer robot or try to threaten each other with more forced anger than a bad wrestling plot. There are fake teeth and bad Texas accents galore. There is shoddy choreography and weird caricatures and stereotypes that come off as openly offensive. When your best character is a talking robot, and he's the shitty comic relief character, you're in trouble.

R.O.T.O.R. wants to be a good movie, like the ones it cribs from. A researcher working for the police on a project involving metal that learns decides it is a good idea to build a robot version of Judge Dredd. Unfortunately it gets turned on way too early. Like forty years too early. And since its brain isn't done, it sees a couple speeding on a back road and decides it must kill everything that gets in its way as it tries to execute its sentencing...which is an execution. Yes, it's Terminator/RoboCop/Maniac Cop all in one, only nowhere near half as entertaining as any of those movies(and lets face it, Maniac Cop is the weak link there). R.O.T.O.R. rips from such great killer robot/killer cop movies!

Instead of that greatness, we get a killer robot cop with a porn mustache who has badly dubbed lines and can somehow see the past five minutes of any location yet can't take the sound of a car horn or loud noises...sometimes. And then his creator, Captain J.B. Coldyron, has to team up with the scientist who developed the learning metal, Dr. C.R. Steele, to take it down. God, the names alone! Mokie Killion? Seriously? Fuck this movie!

I wish this film was as good as the movie poster. Yes, the killer cop drives a motorcycle, wears a black uniform and helmet, and wields a Desert Eagle. But he looks like a sleazy porn star, not an awesome killing machine. Johnny 5 is more bad ass than this piece of junk!

It's still not the worst film I've ever seen...but it's close.