(I'm just going to preface what follows as a rant. I certainly didn't intend it to be, but hey, terrible games do bad things to good people.)Forlorn Drifter wrote:I will strangle you with a gamecube controller cord if you bring Sunshine into this.
I'm up for a good strangling, but please, make it more insulting by using the worst controller of all time (an honour that belongs with the Sega Dreamcast...and there's more cord with which to do the tying, let's be fair), while I try and surmise what was worse -- Mario Sunshine or the brutal controller with which one was expected to play it with. For the sake of argument, let's ignore the obvious -- the downright idiocy of the story, the theme, the stupid water jet... (Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device? Really? REALLY? Speaking of Sega, sounds like another failed add-on...) ...it's like every element of this coat hanger abortion was ripped from the bottom of the anime storytelling barrel. All we needed was a video sequence of Mario and Shadow Mario rushing at each other in the air...but then the anime barrel isn't exactly the deepest...let's just focus on ignoring the obvious criticisms.
Sunshine may have taken a somewhat unfair amount of criticism over the years, but it's certainly buoyed by both those who can't take off their nostalgia glasses, and those who defiantly profess their love in the face of that overwhelming disdain. It's the cool thing to do now in retro gaming circles, right? Love a game that "isn't bad", that "would have been an excellent third party game", that you "just don't understand why it gets so much hate because [wilful blindness]. A game with Mario as the protagonist or main selling feature is expected to be of high quality, fun, easy to learn yet difficult to master, tight controls, etc, etc. There are certain reasonable expectations within the series given its pedigree. Much like the Legend of Zelda series, and yet two steaming turds (Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword) came in short succession, to say nothing of the missteps in the handheld series. However, that's a line item to piss off a whole 'nother set of people on a different day. Today is all about the poorest, most unpolished entry in the Mario canon.
For the record, I've played Sunshine through in its entirety. Twice. The excruciating tedium of all 240 blue coins, and the soul-crushing monotony of the 120 shines. Numbers easily remembered as the pain of the experience is forever seared into my brain. Why twice? To see if I was wrong about it the first time around...spoiler alert: nope.
So, remember that tight platforming control from...every game Mario's ever been in up until this point? Yeah, we're-a going to do away with that. To move him around, just pretend that every surface is made of ice, because he'll be sliding around more than a hotdog down a wet hallway on every surface. Oh, and when jumping, there's no call for being precise here -- make sure you land ON stuff, because god help you if you land anywhere near the edge. Oh look, he fell off again...and lost some health...and there goes the GODDAMN AUTOMATIC CAMERA RIGHT INTO THE WALL AGAIN. Good luck trying to position that shit so you can see, motherfucker, because for some arbitrary reason you can't manipulate the camera right now. Magic 8-ball says: "Results hazy. Try again later". Alright, no problem, let's just climb up that ledg---GLITCH! HAHA MARIO! Remember that when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you! You've just been Nietzsche'd, bitch!
...but wait a tic. There's that stupid FLUDD strapped to your back. Honestly this might have been more fun if Mario could have whipped out his mushroom enhanced weeny and used urine as the momentus, but FLUDD it is. Ah, there we go, a little more control over our jumps. The camera is still slapping me like I'm Tina and it's doing an Ike Turner impersonation, but I suppose I can get the hang of shitty camera, glitchy camera, while I slide around an environment that the Karate Kid forgot to wax off. Hey look I found a secret level, and Shadow Mario just stole FLUDD! Haha, sucker, take it and go live with Luigi, he's got the swallowing model of the series, know what I mean, wink, wink, say no more. I'm freeeeeee--wait, no I'm not, I just spent hours using that goddamn backpack to compensate for the most brutal control scheme to ever be featured in a Mario game. Now I get to tackle the most challenging levels in the game WITHOUT IT? Ok fine, I'm up for a challenge, Duke's lending me his b-b-b-balls of steel! 8 red coins to collect you say? On a time limit you say? No problem...wait, what the...DEATH is the penalty for not collecting the coins on time during the most difficult sections of the game without the gimmick the whole gameplay centres around and which you actually need to make jumping make any kind of logical sense?
Shit. SHIT! (Whoohoo! Backflip to my death! Backflip that I didn't ask for!) Hey, speaking of things that I didn't ask for, let's talk about the difficulty of that wall jump. Not quite the right angle? NOPE. Not quite the right speed? (What the hell is the right speed?) NOPE. It's the second Tuesday of the month and a half moon? NOPE.
So, it's time to try some more of the main game. Yoshi! Oh, my dinosaur friend! Thank fucking christ, if anything is going to save these controls from future fanboy arguments on the internet, it's you. You don't jump terribly high though, do you? Your little flutter jump is leaving quite a bit to be desired as well...and what's this, you DON'T LIKE WATER? Whatthefuckaluffagus?!?! Pianta Village + Yoshi must be in some poor disillusioned Nintendo player's suicide note somewhere. Along with a complaint about how Sunshine has half the number of levels than its predecessor, and how I think at least 56 of the shines are coin collection quests, and how there is so little variety, and how the missions are repetitive, and a single mistake sends you into the tedium of repetition, all while fighting the terrible controls, the icy surfaces and the camera that wants nothing more than to send you to the abyss at every given opportunity.
Mario Sunshine sucks.
It's got pretty decent tunes though.
I think Nintendo finally nailed 3D Mario with Galaxy 2, 3D Zelda with the HD remake of Wind Waker, and modern controllers with the Wii U Pro controller. With Sunshine specifically, I feel like if the Mario specific elements were removed, and the game had been published by say, Hudson or Majesco or even the fellows that did Ty the Tasmanian Tiger (Krome maybe?)...that it would have been accepted and rated as a mediocre platformer and the world would have moved on. It'd be a $5 bargain bin "hidden gem" as people became more forgiving after each successive console generation. It's the Mario badging that elevates its pedigree and tears it apart in equal measure. I'm going to shut up now or else I'll get ranting about it again.