What Made you Smile/What Ticked you off Today?

[RyaNtheSlayA]

As with everybody here, you have my support. Keep on trucking! It will get better.

@Tanooki that's a pretty slick setup. nVidia's new mobiles series chips are pretty serious stuff. Enjoy.

[dsheinem]

I'm kinda hating your parents right now lisalover.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this shit.

I know its not the same as family, but just remember you have a bunch of people here on your team.

I'm with CFFJR, ane my heart breaks reading about your situation. If there is anything I can do to help, please send me a PM.

This is shit. I am so sorry, and hope things improve soon. Sometimes it just takes parents time for things like this - they are of another generation where the "script" for how to respond as "good parents" was vastly different and I hope you end up in a situation where they figure things out before losing you. Sucks, but I am glad you have some safe, stable, loving people and environments in your life as well.

Maybe this will cheer everyone up. My son made an absolutely adorable Rudolph at school today:

[BogusMeatFactory]

Frown: Returning home has been much more stressful than I expected. Pretty much all of the emotional progress I have made in the past few months just vanished as soon as I got back. Now I realize that this is exactly how I felt before - I just didn't know things could be better back then. But now... now it's soul-crushing to be back with people that I know don't accept me.

My mom confronted me last night (and a few nights ago), essentially saying that she won't support me if I transition, emotionally or fin (a little late for that - she doesn't know I have started). She essentially gave me an ultimatum: Eschew transition and continue school, or drop out and transition. If I try to do both, she'll stop helping me pay for housing. So, I had to lie to her in order to keep things stable. She'll find out eventually, but I just need to keep on my feet for now.

After she told me that, she went on and on about how everyone will only ever see me as a man no matter what I do, and how I will "always be her son" - calling this out whenever she could. She said I had to "respect her wisdom, since she's older and knows more about the world than me".

I don't feel safe here. I feel miserable, since now I know what it is like to be happy, and this is not it. There's also a good chance that my dad will disown me when he finds out - he's prone to such irrational anger. The best case scenario will be he stops giving me my monthly food money, which would still be a big disadvantage.

Less Frown:
I have a backup plan for any of these scenarios, and I would be able to survive even in the worst-case-scenario. I have friends' houses I could stay at - even for extended periods of time - until I get back on my feet. I may need to drop out of college temporarily and get a job, but I'll do what needs to be done.

I want to make it very clear that I am in no way condoning your parents behavior, because I am 100% behind you in your need for transition, but I want to give some insight to the feelings that may be going on behind the scenes.

Have you ever had a high school friend you lost contact for a few years after school and then talked to, realizing they have moved on and changed and the conversation is just... different? This may be a similar feeling your mother is going through. You started transitioning when you were away from home and, seeing those changes happen so suddenly can be jarring for a person. Also, being away for school, a parents preconceived notion is that people do reckless things, a preconceived notion I find to be ridiculous as everyone is very different, which may be why the, "Age=Wisdom Card," is being thrown out there.

Although you are transitioning physically, your mother isn't transitioning emotionally with you. This is one of those scenarios where it will be difficult for her to understand and would require a lot of time and effort on your part to communicate with her your need for this and be an active part in her life, even when far away. I think that she would eventually understand, but it takes a lot of work.

As for your father, I honestly can not give any insight into that one... guys are tough to figure out!

I am sorry that you are thrust in that situation and I know how tough it is to be ostracized from the people you love and consider family, but no matter what happens, you will be happy with who you are and that is what is most important, but I strongly suggest to take how you approach your mother carefully, because you really can help her understand. It just takes a lot of time, effort and love.

This needs to come from a place of love most of all and I have no worries about you being able to convey that. Good luck.

[Hobie-wan]

Bah that's crap! Obviously in a perfect world they'd just say it was your decision and support you for it. At the worst though, one hopes that parents would just be taken aback and need some time to process things. At least you know there are people that will take you as you are.

[TSTR]

Chiming in with everyone else in your corner, Vicky. Hate that you have to deal with that.

@dsh - That is way cuter than any Rudolph I ever made as a kid. Props.

[MrPopo]

Bah that's crap! Obviously in a perfect world they'd just say it was your decision and support you for it. At the worst though, one hopes that parents would just be taken aback and need some time to process things. At least you know there are people that will take you as you are.

I agree. The issue isn't so much with the having trouble processing the transition. The parents are giving these ultimatums that are basically "fit my worldview or fuck off".

I know we haven't really interacted much directly over the years, but I'll add to your list of people you could stay long term with should it be necessary. I've got a guest room and two adorable kitties.

[AppleQueso]

[snip]
Have you ever had a high school friend you lost contact for a few years after school and then talked to, realizing they have moved on and changed and the conversation is just... different? This may be a similar feeling your mother is going through. You started transitioning when you were away from home and, seeing those changes happen so suddenly can be jarring for a person. Also, being away for school, a parents preconceived notion is that people do reckless things, a preconceived notion I find to be ridiculous as everyone is very different, which may be why the, "Age=Wisdom Card," is being thrown out there.

So here's the thing: Vicky hasn't been on HRT long enough for changes to be immediately noticable. They're very slow, very gradual, and it can take a long time for people who aren't with you every day to even notice any of them, and even then, they usually just chalk it up to a new diet, a new skincare regimen, etc. You can be on HRT for years and if you don't do anything else (such as changing your presentation in other ways, hair, makeup, clothing, voice, etc) most people who've known you a long time won't know if you don't tell them. That isn't to say it's not powerful, because it absolutely is, but again, the changes are subtle, and build up slowly over time.

The point being, as far as her mother knows, Vicky hasn't begun transition at all.

and secondly, the onus should not be on Vicky in any way to be the one who reaches out in this situation. Her parents are the ones being actively unaccepting, they're the ones who need to make more of an effort.

--

This just reminds me of how extremely fortunate I've been in my transition. My family is wonderfully supportive and even enthusiastic. My friends are totally behind me, my partner of nearly 9 years came to terms with her own sexuality thanks to me transitioning, and revealed to me that she's always preferred women. I have (somewhat by accident) wound up in a large city with a wonderful community, accessible resources, (turns out San Antonio's actually much better for this stuff than Austin, go figure) and some very good friends. I'm reasonably 'passable', and not dealt with any harassment or hatred directed my way (everybody simply assumes I'm just another woman).

While I've definitely had some bad spots (I am still unemployed, for example, and have recently learned that I am very likely bipolar), as far as transition goes, I have been incredibly fortunate, far beyond anything I could've hoped for. I feel kinda guilty for that, to be honest, even though I know I shouldn't.

[BogusMeatFactory]

and secondly, the onus should not be on Vicky in any way to be the one who reaches out in this situation. Her parents are the ones being actively unaccepting, they're the ones who need to make more of an effort.

I can't really argue in the previous statements, but when you play the, "Ball is in your court," game, you get nowhere. That is a stubborn act where both parties lose. I don't know the exact scenario here, as I haven't talked to Vicky about it at all, but I have always been of the belief that communicating constantly, rationally and maturely from a place of love helps people understand things. I know the world never works the way I envision and in most cases it gets me into trouble, but I am an optimist in that way.

Her family isn't her and may not understand, grasp or view gender in the same way that she does and it takes some time to invite and introduce people to something that seems alien to them. It can't be an accept or goodbye scenario, because for a lot of people, stubbornness gets in the way, making accepting difficult. It is a tug of war and I hate that it has to be that way.

In a perfect world, her parents would be understanding and nothing would truly change, but the world isn't perfect and every single person on this Earth is not perfect and filled with horrible flaws.

I do also feel like I am completely unqualified to give true advice, because I really don't know the true situation, so please take this all with a grain of salt, because I could be completely off base on what people know and how people truly feel. I would like to help, so my door is open to talk about it though and maybe I will learn a bit more.

[KalessinDB]

Never feel guilty for your own happiness, it's not a finite resource wherein your is depriving someone else. But I suspect you know that.

[ExedExes]

My monster laptop showed up an hour ago, big smile day, never had a dedicated very high end laptop before, and one that's do it yourself where nothing is soldered in and is totally upgrade ready.

Got this http://www.xoticpc.com/sager-np8278s-cl ... -6985.html Change the defaults to have a 16(8x2)GB RAM, GeForece GTX980M 8GB video, 1TB 7200rpm hdd, and a bluray/combo dvdr burner. It has the base CPU but can take something much faster and I could double the ram in time too. Also could take up to I think 3-4 hdd/sdds.

There's no word to describe all that except nice. And all of that completely swappable and upgradeable.