Dying is trendy?

[jvalentine98]

I know I said wouldn't post here because of politics, but all that aside I'm close to my rope's end. First of all I am not a bum or down in the dumps in my personal life. I work every day, I don't get in any trouble in real life, I take care of my business. I'm 31, engaged with no kids, no big debts, nothing bad. No big big worries. My fiance did go through an abortion last month, though. She gets a check for mental illness and can't legally have custody of a child. It was the only thing to do.

But I have always been prone to serious bouts of depression and self destruction. No illegal drugs, just a bottle here and there when I am down. With all the suicide that is taking place, from the big names like Robin Williams, to Brittany Maynard to some of my close friends. I've had a long time buddy die of self induced heroin overdose and another blew his brains out within the last month. The shotgun suicide was married to my cousin, but was also a childhood friend. He left two small boys behind, and his wife. He was an active member of the military. My fiance's sister committed suicide in 2012. Blew her chest out with a 12 gauge. Had a cardboard box inside her clothes to make it appear she had a chest for the open casket. It's all really dragging me down.

Is it like Pet Semetary said. Is dead better sometimes? I wonder if they were right? We all die someday. Is sooner so much worse than later?

[flojocabron]

it never is dude.

we tease but we know its in fun.

There are places better than racketboy to get help.

We can only do so much.

If you should choose the talk here, there will be snark and eventual locking.

We can help but who knows.

reluctantfrynotsureif.jpg

[BogusMeatFactory]

If at any point in time you have thought of suicide and form a plan, you need to immediately seek medical attention. It is serious and it is concerning. None of us can give you the help that you need and it is possible to get help. It may not seem possible, but it is.

[Hobie-wan]

Seek professional help anyway. You're taking frustrations out on us for certain, so probably on others around you too.

[jvalentine98]

it never is dude.

we tease but we know its in fun.

There are places better than racketboy to get help.

We can only do so much.

If you should choose the talk here, there will be snark and eventual locking.

We can help but who knows.

reluctantfrynotsureif.jpg

I'm not saying I want to kill myself. If I did I know how to tie a good noose and jump from a chair (I don't own any guns). I'm just saying I'm stuck in a rut of high proof alcohol and sleeping pills, mixed with depression. My mind wonders too much and I guess I care too much for people.

[Key-Glyph]

If at any point in time you have thought of suicide and form a plan, you need to immediately seek medical attention. It is serious and it is concerning. None of us can give you the help that you need and it is possible to get help. It may not seem possible, but it is.

Thanks Bogus. Took the words out of my mouth.

jvalentine, I would suggest you take Bogus' advice to heart. You may think you're fine, but you're aware that you indulge in self-destructive behavior, and that is not fine. Your post sounds like a legitimate, subconscious "cry for help" (I dislike that term, but I hope you understand what I mean). I can't imagine that anyone can read your post without being alarmed for you; this should give you pause, and make you reassess your situation.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

As someone concerned for another member of the human race, I say to you, please, don't assume you have to shoulder this forever or have to handle it alone. Our hands are tied here because we are only internet acquaintances of yours, and I can't be the only one distressed by their lack of agency in this situation.

[Sano]

Depression is nothing to make fun of or be shrugged off like it is nothing. Others have said get psychiatric help now, not later. I agree 100% with this.

[irixith]

Is it like Pet Semetary said. Is dead better sometimes?

Nope.

I went through a pretty serious medical issue a number of years ago, and just wasn't able to deal with what was happening in the day-to-day. It culminated in a climb into the bathtub, grabbing a razor blade, and doing the tried-and-true vertical slice. Luckily for me, a friend of mine had been concerned about me, and took that exact moment to break down the door to my apartment. I don't really remember a lot of what happened after that, but there was a lot of screaming, a lot of pain, a hospital stay, a psychiatric evaluation, a broken friendship and a second chance. (Sometimes goodbye is a second chance, as the song goes, since we're quoting pop culture.)

I know what it takes to get there, but I also know what it takes to get better...and get better I did. There is no shame in admitting that you need help, and no shame in finding a professional that will get you the help you need. You aren't going to find it on an internet forum, merely the advice to go and get help. Immediately. Even if you aren't expressly thinking about ending your life (I wasn't). Grief, loss, depression, those are all things that you can (and need to) talk about and find a coping mechanism for.

[Exhuminator]

Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate here, but sometimes I think Jvalentine98 gets a bit too much hate. It's almost like it's sanctioned around here to tear into his ass. Now, I'm not saying I don't see why people get upset with him, but I do think he's a bit too much of a public whipping boy from what I've seen. Even if you don't agree with this guy's views (and again, I understand why), you have to admire that he at least doesn't filter himself and what he says he actually means. I can respect someone who talks bluntly and doesn't beat around the bush, even if their opinions are seemingly ignorant, utterly unpopular, and out of touch with political correctness. He might exist in his own bubble but he doesn't try to push sugar coated subterfuge on anyone.

That said, Jvalentine98, I don't know you. But I know you've got too much to live for. You're walking this earth for a reason, and that reason is not to blow your brains out. There will be plenty of time for being dead. Figure out what being alive is for. If I were you the first thing I'd do is stop drinking. In 2009 I was utterly depressed, but then I read a book that changed my life. This is that book. Does it look like a joke? Read it, you won't be laughing. Bet on it.

[ninjainspandex]

Ok dude your posts just keep getting more and more disturbing, at first I thought you were just trolling but now I see you really need psych help.