Random Thoughts Thread

[dsheinem]

stuff

Stop comparing yourself so much to other people - times change and older generations often romanticize their youth as a way of forgetting its hardships. Sometimes people talk up their toughness or their life's success as a way of compensating for the fact that they aren't very good at expressing a range of emotions or weren't able to craft multiple life possibilities for themselves.

You're finishing HS and will soon have the option to go to college or to otherwise have chances to pursue interests of your own. You are in a position to do something new, unique, and interesting in the 21st Century that your father, grandfather, etc. never could have done. Hell, you write well enough/often enough just here on this site to suggest that you have already developed some gifts for self-expression and for communicating analytical thought. If you could learn to turn the analytical/critical eye that you constantly turn on yourself to some of the real problems or questions that face the world, you may be surprised at how much you have to offer through writing or otherwise.

You need to pursue opportunities and contexts that play to your strengths and treat them as such instead of those that punish you for failing to meet some arbitrary standard of masculinity, social worth, attractiveness, etc. The world is much much bigger than the town you grow up in.

tldr: You are a maturing caterpillar with the potential to soon change into a beautiful butterfly if you can only find the right environment to give you your wings. Come the middle of this year, go and find that environment and flourish.

[Xeogred]

Yeah, comparing yourself or blaming yourself about things like that are just excuses. There's definitely things about you your grandfather and anybody else in the world will never have. Be 100% you. Regret is a waste of time. Your life is just getting starting.

[Blu]

Forlorn: It's not easy to seek some professional help. You're hung up on the age old problem of acknowledging that you're not happy with your self but won't acknowledge that it's a problem. You're also refusing to consider there's something beyond your expertise, experience, point of view, or any other contributing factor that the talking to someone would be beneficial. Most everyone on this forum has admitted that within their lives at some point, they've sought out help from a mental health professional or support group. Everyone else has said they've put aside that insecurity, gotten over that stigma, sucked it up, and got in the game. Instead you're sitting on the sideline wondering if you'll ever get to play. Sometimes unpacking the bullshit you've pent up over "X" amount of years is healthy and more importantly, normal, and it identifies some deeper areas where you want to benefit and improve.

Here's the real gritty truth though: Whatever it is that you're seeking to gain out of this life you've been given, whether if it's a partner you're seeking, a fulfilling career, or even bonding with some buds over a hobby you share, you're certainly not going to get the most out of those aspects of your life if you don't do anything about it. A partner isn't going to be attracted your mopiness, your supervisor isn't going to promote you because you seem melancholy all the time, and friendships will be hard to make and maintain because you're confirming their suspicions of you.

The point that I find most trivial is the barrier and image masculinity and manliness you are holding on to. This I find trivial, because manliness and masculinity are so distorted and unjust and shaped by powers that we have minimal control of. Get over looking from the lens of what masculinity means and start looking from simply a human approach. Boil it down to something simple instead of a heavily nuanced point of view.

You don't have to do this alone, that's for damn sure. And I bet you'd be able to get some strategies from whoever you talked to about how you balance your immediate families' negative perceptions of seeking help. Hell, you could probably say something like, "I'm not satisfied with my life and I'm doing something about it," with some conviction and convey to them that you're serious about it.



Completely unrelated: we're going to France in December for our honeymoon. Anyone familiar with the city that would be willing to give some recommendations on the best arrondissements in Paris? We're not huge city people, and plan to spend most of it in Nice, but for our first trip overseas we want to make sure we've made the most of our stint in Paris.

[Jmustang1968]

Forlorn is almost the best troll on Racketboy. Which is worse, his self-deprecating behavior, or all of us who get in these same discussions/arguments with him about it every couple of weeks for the past few years?

Forlorn life advice is about as common now as telling mas if he should buy a PS3 or a Colecovision.

[Luke]

Ever been to a meeting to create an agenda for another meeting, followed up by a meeting about the meeting you just had?

[Erik_Twice]

I really don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm just a sad sack of shit with an inferiority complex.

Then stop being a sad sack of shit with an inferiority complex. Improve yourself. Go see a psychologist like so many people do and open yourself to being a little bit less of a shit sack and a bit more of an interesting person.

Right now it's not that you think that people magically snap their fingers and get laid but that you actively want to think that's true. Stop excusing yourself and start getting shit done. Go to a shrink and ask him for advice.

[kidfresh]

Ever been to a meeting to create an agenda for another meeting, followed up by a meeting about the meeting you just had?

Nah. But sometimes I have sex while wishing I was having sex with someone else, followed up by some sex making up for the sex I just had.

It's not as cumbersome as your meetings I bet, because that whole process only usually takes me four to five minutes.

[prfsnl_gmr]

Hell, you write well enough/often enough just here on this site to suggest that you have already developed some gifts for self-expression and for communicating analytical thought. If you could learn to turn the analytical/critical eye that you constantly turn on yourself to some of the real problems or questions that face the world, you may be surprised at how much you have to offer through writing or otherwise.

This. For your age, Forlorn, you really are an exceptional writer. I hope that you will consider pursuing higher education and developing this skill further. Not many people can write well, and as DSH said, you can really do some great things if you apply that skill corectly.

Completely unrelated: we're going to France in December for our honeymoon. Anyone familiar with the city that would be willing to give some recommendations on the best arrondissements in Paris? We're not huge city people, and plan to spend most of it in Nice, but for our first trip overseas we want to make sure we've made the most of our stint in Paris.

I have visited Paris on several occassions, to the point where my total time there is probably a little over three weeks. All of the single-digit arrondisements are great, and you should spend most of your time in them. (They are "classic" Paris.) Accordingly, you should get a metro pass, put on your walking shoes, and just spend some time strolling through each them. (All of them are scenic, but the 5th arrondisement - which is home to many of Paris's universities - is the best for just bumming around.) Staying in those sections can be pretty expensive, however; so, you may want to consider a hotel in one of the outer arrondisements. If it is near a metro station, you will have no trouble getting to the center of the city quickly.

Some other tips, in no particular order:

(1) Don't even attempt the Louvre unless you plan on spending a full day there. It is just too big and there is just too much to see. You will get much more "bang for your buck" at the sublime Musee d'Orsay.

(2) Make a picnic lunch in one of Paris's many beautiful parks. Ideally, it should consist of a baguette, an apple, some cheese, some chocolate, and small bottles of Perrier and red wine.

(3) At some point, you should go to a corner cafe and order a chocolate croissant and coffee for breakfast. Likewise, you should visit a corner cafe for lunch or dinner and order a croque madame and/or nicoise salad.

(4) Don't try to go to the top of either the Eiffel Tower or the Arc de' Triomphe. The views, while great, aren't really worth the effort.

(5) Get some nice chocolates from one of Paris's legendary chocolatiers and eat them before you leave the city. (They will never be better.)

(6) You haven't really been to Paris until you have had at least one rude waiter. Consider it part of the experience.

(7) Walk through the city at night. Some of the buildings, such as the opera house and the Hotel de Ville really must be seen at that time. While you are at it, get a nutella and banana crepe from a street vendor.

(8) Avoid restaurants that cater to english-speaking tourists, especially the ones in the Latin Quarter.

(9) Watch a few, good French New Wave films before you leave. I recommend Breathless, Le Samorai, Bande a Part, and anything diected by Francois Truffaut.

[Luke]

I miss the days of my Father pulling out the gigantic Rand McNally Road Atlas and planning a road trip. It was as if he was solving a mystical puzzle.

"We could take this route, but what we would make up in time for missed traffic, we would lose time because the road has a lower mph".

I also miss watching my Mother trying to fold that Atlas properly.

Screw GPS.

[BoneSnapDeez]

My last craigslist find was purchased from a guy who lived out in the woods, only about 25 minutes from my house.

On the phone he sounded really old (he was) and said something along the lines of "Let me give you directions, GPS won't get you here." I kinda laughed it off and only half-paid-attention when he gave directions.

Well guess what? I tried to use GPS and got stuck on some one-lane back road in the woods of Maine. Not even close to the dude's house. Thankfully I was able to find it eventually (he had mentioned he had a greenhouse and that's what I spotted). So yeah, GPS isn't perfect.