What Made you Smile/What Ticked you off Today?

[CFFJR]

I’m gonna vent. Sorry. Skip over it.

Edit: Snipped in the name of discretion and moving on with life.

[dsheinem]

I was ok, and now I’m not. I’m not I’m not I’m not.

I hope at least the venting feels good.

Sorry to hear about all this, but in the end it sounds like these two losers deserve each other. The fact is that people change, and sometimes they do so in a way that makes them lose everything that originally made them likable/lovable in the first place. At least you now have a clean break, which is more than many get. If I were you I'd get as far away physically and mentally as you could from the situation (if that's feasible) and start anew.

[Retrodude]

venting

Dude, don't take this the wrong way, but seriously, get help. You don't want to do something in a fit of rage that you can't take back. If you need to, check yourself into a mental hospital, if for no other reason than to take a break from all the drama. That's what I would do if I was in that situation. We'll be here for you when you get back.

[dsheinem]

Dude, don't take this the wrong way, but seriously, get help. You don't want to do something in a fit of rage that you can't take back. If you need to, check yourself into a mental hospital, if for no other reason than to take a break from all the drama. That's what I would do if I was in that situation. We'll be here for you when you get back.

FFS, I don't thing anything he's expressed feeling, including murderous rage, is unusual or unreasonable. I'm not sure that a "mental hospital" or even a shrink asking him tons of questions about his feelings or his relationship would do anything other than make things worse for him.

[Luke]

I would be seething too.

I have no clue about divorce law, but your divorce is based on infidelity so perhaps you don't owe her squat.

My advice: You are going to get a lot of advice. It's human nature to want to give advice, so take all of it with a grain of salt. So here's mine:

Try not to dwell and think one dimensionally. It's a waste of energy.

Exercise. A lot.

You may want to sit down and write a long letter explaining your frustrations, your anger, your disgust...and then throw it away. Sounds silly, but it can alleviate some stress.

Always remember that success is the best revenge. Easier said than done, but try to wash your hands of her. I would be devastated, but I would also remember that if I think about her, she wins. Remember that YOU are the better person. Remember that she isn't worth your anger.

The feeling of love isn't an easy thing to shake off, but consider the type of person she turned out to be. A liar, a cheater, and an emotional thief. Remind yourself that you deserve and demand better.


Chin up, and vent all you'd like. This kind of thing is harder on guys as we don't vent to friends in fear of sounding like a wimp. Screw that. If you get down in the dumps, vent.

[jinx]

Dude, don't take this the wrong way, but seriously, get help. You don't want to do something in a fit of rage that you can't take back. If you need to, check yourself into a mental hospital, if for no other reason than to take a break from all the drama. That's what I would do if I was in that situation. We'll be here for you when you get back.

FFS, I don't thing anything he's expressed feeling, including murderous rage, is unusual or unreasonable. I'm not sure that a "mental hospital" or even a shrink asking him tons of questions about his feelings or his relationship would do anything other than make things worse for him.

Agreed.

I do hope venting has helped at least a little, and I also help that the support from us, your friends and family help too. Those feelings are completely natural as long as you keep them in check. I also agree with Luke to do something constructive (or at least non-destructive) to help distract your mind.

[CFFJR]

Alright, I've calmed down now.

First, Retrodude, I understand, but trust me when I say I don't need that kind of help. I'm not going to kill anybody, I'm just pissed. I think its justified. My "yelling" about it here prevented me from yelling out loud. This is help.

Which is to say, venting a bit definitely felt good.

Dsh, Luke, and Jinx, thank you. You guys are right, so right. I was there too, and forgive me for going on, but its so hard to control it at times. I have days at a time where I'm perfectly fine, and then it'll hit me like it did last night and rationality goes away in favor of anger. Its a real physical pain. So maybe I wasn't ever really fine. Maybe it still needs to come out.

She did change. I thought for a while that it was for the better, turned out to be for the worst. And hell, maybe she didn't really change that much at all, and that part of herself that she would try and fail to hide finally took over entirely.

I want to be happy. I was a good husband god damn it, so I think I deserve it.

Thanks so much for the help and advice. I'm trying to at least keep everything I hear from people in mind, and it goes a long way. And thanks also for taking my anger in stride. I don't know how I'm coming across right now, but this has helped a lot. All things considered, I'm feeling pretty ok right now.

And for the record, some exercise sounds pretty good. I think going out and running until I drop could help a lot. Burn up that painful energy that makes me pace around the damn house.

Again, thank you.

[Luke]

I don't know how I'm coming across right now, but this has helped a lot. All things considered, I'm feeling pretty ok right now.

And for the record, some exercise sounds pretty good. I think going out and running until I drop could help a lot. Burn up that painful energy that makes me pace around the damn house.

You come across as a guy who had his heart crushed. You have every right to be pissed. And you also lost someone you cared for. Not to pour lemon juice on an open wound, but the anger and hurt will continue for a while. It comes in waves. One second you're laughing and *boom* something will trigger a thought or memory and you'll want to punch something. You can't help it, and don't think that you can. Just do not focus on it. Try as much as you can to keep that "she's not worth it" train of thought.

Good to hear you're giving exercising some thought. Set up a schedule and stick to it. Lower body one day, upper body the next, a day of rest, repeat. Set goals. 100 consecutive military style push-ups should be one of them.

And this is the last piece of advice from me unless you ask for more: Do not let your ex dictate how you feel. Again, easier said than done, but you now have a new lease on a new life. Clean slate man, take advantage of it.

[brunoafh]

100% agreed you have every right to be pissed off and vent. You shouldn't feel bad about it at all. You are probably handling it way better than some people that would fly off the handle and do something stupid, and you should feel good about the fact that you haven't. Like others said what you're feeling is totally normal, and if anything the fact that you're able to express it means it's under control.

[indecks]

I just want to say I'm sorry for what happened CF. I know I haven't said much about it but I did read through your posts and those of the others. I don't have much personal experience with where you are, but I do have close family that this happened to.

All I can say is, from where I stand, you're reacting in the proper, understandable way. Venting is definitely the way to go and I'm glad it's helped in some respect.