Question for the married guys out there...

[mobiusclimber]

^ That is some sound advice right there. Most women, I think, would rather do most of the planning and just hear "that's a great idea" every now and again. The trick is knowing when they really want an opinion and when they just want a confirmation.

[env963]

Been married for 4 years now. I only cared about the music/food/drink/limo ride! LOL I let the wife take care of the rest.

[dsheinem]

She mainly just wanted to hear "that looks good" or "you were right, they do look better that way" stuff like that.

Yes. Say "yes, that's awesome" - and be specific as to why - for the first thing (color, pattern, decoration, etc.) she shows you. If you say - "what other options are there?" or "well it's ok..." you have opened up a floodgate of pointless decision making that will never end. Being specific makes her think you've actually thought about it and not just tried to placate her.

By the way, I've been married six years and this is good advice for things later on, too.

[racketboy]

If you don't mind your fiance's sense of style, just let her do it all.
If she asks your opinion, just agree.

On a side note, my wife was really into it, but looking back, she wishes she would have planned a smaller wedding (and ours wasn't especially big). So my best advice is keep the number of invites down -- most people will only be there for the free food and/or be there because they feel obligated

best of luck!

[D.D.D.]

As the money being spent was mine, I took notice on everything being done. Not that I rejected stuff but if it was super girly I definitely said "perhaps something else would be better" and that went just fine.

If you really don't care what stuff gets put out, I think many have said it before, just say it looks nice but at least try to be convincing so she doesn't get the impression you really don't care.

[Harvey]

Just like the other guys posted, I answered when asked if I had an opinion. If I didn't have an opinion, I told her so. Otherwise I stayed out of her way because I basically just wanted to get over to the hotel room after the reception!

[General Chaos]

My wife and I paid for our own wedding and neither of us wanted anything big, nor could we afford it. If I had been asked for input I probably would have been inclined to agree with just about anything. Like you, I was interested in getting married to my wife, and not much else.

It also occurs to me that many young women have been socialized to romanticize and fantasize about the ideal wedding, as its meaning is projected by dominant culture. Fortunately my wife somehow escaped this process and was happy to keep things simple and, in my opinion, elegant.

In regards to the questions about marriage being worth it, I think it largely depends. Bear in mind we don't have children, but thus far I don't feel like my life has changed dramatically as a result of marriage, apart from having a great friend and lover under the same roof as myself (which is certainly a great thing). Otherwise I still feel free to do as I please, so long as these inclinations don't include infidelity, of course.

[missyrelm]

My wife and I have been married for 5 years now.
The second best day of my life was our wedding day.
(The first was meeting her).

We did not have a lot of money, even with her family paying for a lot of stuff that we never could have done ourselves,
and she did not want a big fancy wedding,
so we did a lot of stuff ourselves.

Keeping it small really made it possible for us to do more stuff ourselves.

She decided on a theme, "Peanut butter and Jelly".
She is an excellent artist and I used to be a graphic designer years ago,
so she designed the invitations, and I did the layout.

There were things that she wanted to do herself, but there were other things that she said generally what she wanted and I would find as many specific options that she could choose from (This was how we picked the cake, which was a peanut and jelly cake, the rings and even her wedding dress). I wanted there to be snacks from Japan, and we picked them together.

The bottom line is to figure out what she wants to pick herself vs. what she wants input on or wants you to decide.

IMHO, its not just her day, its yours too, it only happens once, so you should be as excited and interested in planning as her, (though she should always have final decision on things, and veto power), its much more rewarding if you can get involved and make it a special day for *you* too, without "stepping on her toes"

[General Chaos]

She decided on a theme, "Peanut butter and Jelly".

[glynnahab]

It also occurs to me that many young women have been socialized to romanticize and fantasize about the ideal wedding, as its meaning is projected by dominant culture.

Truer words are rarely spoken. From past experience, I think the same could be said of many other aspects regarding the female mind.

Also, thanks for all the advice guys. It's good to know that I'm not just being a stereotypical guy by not taking a huge interest in the wedding color, decorations, centerpieces, and whatnot. I've been trying to participate a little more so than I did at the beginning - and I totally agree with the idea about giving the woman the veto power.

It's pretty much been decided that music is going to be my job. I'm thinking old school Motown at first (so the old people are happy and the music still won't suck), and maybe some early 90's hip hop later at night once the party is "jumpin" and the older people bail out. As much as I love it, I don't think Isis, Mogwai, Meshuggah, and other of my favorite bands make good partying music for the commonfolk.