Online Relationships

[J T]

I consider my online relationships to be real relationships. For example, I consider you guys on racketboy to be my gaming friends, and if I have some interesting gaming related news or ideas, I come here first. But it's different from an offline friendship in a lot of ways. I have people that I consider my close friends that I would go to for help or to hang out. I don't really come here for that, generally speaking (though there has been some help and occassional online matchups).

If you just want someone to talk with and express feelings to and to keep from feeling lonely, I think an online relationship works great for all those things. But if you want someone to go to dinner with, hang out with, make eye contact with, get physical with, etc., then the long distance nature of the relationship will make all of that logistically difficult, and almost impossible. There is no Skype or chat program that can overcome that limitation of online interaction.

Online relationships are different too. For example, "JT" is kind of a different flavor than the real me because I think out my posts ahead of time, and I try to fit in with this community's culture. Offline, I'm more academic and less talkative. There's lots of overlap of course, but I don't know if I would be what you might expect if we met in real life.

I don't think online relationships are outright bad. I think they can be wonderful and rewarding, but they are necessarily limited, and different from offline relationships. I think if you are just honest with yourself about what you want and what you are getting, then you're good. There were points in my life where all I wanted was a simple online relationship, but I always felt like it was a compromise because I knew it was. At those times, I was willing to make the compromise because I was so busy with my work that I didn't have time to nurture an offline relationship. You may have your own reasons, just make sure it's what you really want and enjoy it for what it is.

[Weekend_Warrior]

I once met a girl from Arizona in an online chat room. We talked online and on the phone all the time. Eventually, we started sending each other stuff in the mail and became more serious about our feelings. We were both convinced that we were soulmates and that one day we would get married and have kids.

Amazingly, we waited two and a half years before we finally met... and when we did... THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO CHEMISTRY! It was horrible. We didn't talk about it right away. I think we both still wanted to make it work somehow. But after all those years of talking, all the "I love you's" and all the late-night promises... it all meant nothing after meeting face to face. It was just like we were strangers!

Of course, this may not happen to everybody. Some may have the exact opposite experience. But I guess it's just a bit of a warning that it can happen, and that you may not want to "put all your eggs in one basket" if you know what I mean.

[Zing]

There is a difference between meeting someone online and having an "online relationship". I feel the latter is just a delusion until it becomes a physical relationship. Until then, have fun, but don't take it too seriously.

[pakopako]

There is a difference between meeting someone online and having an "online relationship". I feel the latter is just a delusion until it becomes a physical relationship. Until then, have fun, but don't take it too seriously.

That last line is a pretty nice piece of relationship advice in general.

[BoneSnapDeez]

THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO CHEMISTRY!

Oh yeah, I've had this happen too. Thankfully it was with people I had only chatted with for a couple of weeks, not years.

Another tip: Don't send nude pics to a person you've never met. Second thought, don't send nude pics to anyone...... or videos.

[Hatta]

There is a difference between meeting someone online and having an "online relationship". I feel the latter is just a delusion until it becomes a physical relationship. Until then, have fun, but don't take it too seriously.

This is a great piece of advice. I met my long term domestic partner on IRC many years ago. Knew her for several years before meeting her, and there was nothing romantic. Then we met and hit it off. But if we weren't close enough to visit each other 2-3x a month, it just wouldn't have worked.

The internet can be a great way to meet people, and if you're in love it can make being apart a little more tolerable. But it's the time you actually spend together that matters. If you don't have that, you don't have a relationship. And mistaking it for one will just get in the way of finding a real relationship.

[ZenErik]

THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO CHEMISTRY!

Oh yeah, I've had this happen too. Thankfully it was with people I had only chatted with for a couple of weeks, not years.

Another tip: Don't send nude pics to a person you've never met. Second thought, don't send nude pics to anyone...... or videos.

They weren't into lolicon?

[BoneSnapDeez]

THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO CHEMISTRY!

Oh yeah, I've had this happen too. Thankfully it was with people I had only chatted with for a couple of weeks, not years.

Another tip: Don't send nude pics to a person you've never met. Second thought, don't send nude pics to anyone...... or videos.

They weren't into lolicon?

Hhahahahahaha that's not quite what happened.

I think a lot of these online relationships end up crashing and burning because the folks involved assume compatibility is based solely on really superficial interests. "OMG WE BOTH LIKE THE SAME BANDS...... SOULMATES!" Things start to break down once you meet the other person and realize how truly different you are in terms of morals, values, goals, etc.

At least that's what I experienced. To be fair though, all of my internet "relationships" occurred when I was quite young and immature (17/18 years old).

I will say this: of the last 5 weddings I went to, I think 4 were for couples who met online (OkCupid, to be specific).

[MrPopo]

I will say this: of the last 5 weddings I went to, I think 4 were for couples who met online (OkCupid, to be specific).

I think meeting someone through an online dating service or an MMO or any other online venue is one thing. The trick is that you're much more likely to get a good sense of the other person if you can engage in regular face-to-face interaction. Use the internet to get your foot in the door, but it can't be the whole relationship.

[Gamerforlife]

Online relationships are different too. For example, "JT" is kind of a different flavor than the real me because I think out my posts ahead of time, and I try to fit in with this community's culture. Offline, I'm more academic and less talkative. There's lots of overlap of course, but I don't know if I would be what you might expect if we met in real life.

I think this a good point. Most of us are probably a little different in person than our online personas. I think it's probably a good idea to engage in phone calls, web cams, etc. with the other person just to get a better feel for what they are really like. In my experience, just speaking to someone you met online on the phone can drastically change how you perceive that person

Romantically speaking, I personally think online relationships are pointless if they don't lead to a face to face meeting. I don't really believe in long distance relationships. It just doesn't work to me logically. To quote someone from a recent episode of Once Upon a Time, "What's the point of being together, if you're not together"