Such a strange... date?

[Original_Name]

Hello out there, Racketeers! I'm wondering if maybe you could help me make sense of something that happened to me last night.

I'll start by saying that there's a girl in one of my philosophy classes who, I'm being completely honest here, is the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Hands-down. I've sat behind her all year, but haven't had all that much interaction with her. It's a discussion-based course, so I tend to talk fairly often and, given the nature of the class, people have gotten to know alot about how I see the world. She almost never talks in class, though, so I didn't have the same luxury of getting to know her without starting conversation. I'd notice, though, that she would often start whispering to her friend everytime I walked into the room.

So whenever I got a chance, I'd try to strike up little conversations with her. She was a little awkward, but very friendly all the same. I've missed several classes lately though, so I hadn't had the chance to try and keep making conversation to break her out of her shell. Then, completely randomly, she tells me I'm really funny, asks for my number, and says that we should "hang out" and grab sushi sometime... on Facebook. So... I still don't know exactly how to classify the encounter. Based on the sweet-but-standoffish way she acts, I'm assuming she was trying to go for something that was completely in the middle between date and "hanging out"... which is all well and good, except it made it difficult for me to figure out how to behave.

Sushi was nice, and the conversation was... well... from what she said, she sounds like a fascinating person. We hold alot of the same beliefs in alot of the important religious and philosophical/political areas (we both hate small-talk, so we just skipped right past it), and she's incredibly bright. Unfortunately, as she warned, she's "not very talkative," and she struck up a short conversation about how it's in her nature, as she's a Psychology/Sociology Double Major, to be more prone to sit and listen -- and that it usually takes a good while for people to get to know her better. As in, I was constantly having to think up new things to talk about (which was incredibly difficult since I was so nervous sitting across from such a drop-dead gorgeous young woman), kind of running to dead-ends in all directions.

She picked up her own check before I could say otherwise, which kind of disheartened me... except I'm not sure if it should. One of the things that we talked about was male/female inequality in society (she being a Sociology Major and all), so it wouldn't surprise me if she's just like that. Then I walked her back to her dorm, hugged her, and told her that we should do it again sometime soon.

So basically... can someone tell me what the hell happened here? I feel like I just had a half-good half-date... which is fine, but where do I go from here? It's hard to find clear-cut advice on a situation like this. Do I wait a couple days, call her, and strike up a chance to go somewhere nicer, or do I spend some time "just hanging out" so I can actually get to know her better first? This is all really foreign to me... I've had a few relationships, but they were with people who I had already known as friends. Getting to know someone -- someone conversationally shy, at that -- through a date is totally new to me.

[o.pwuaioc]

Do it again. And again. And each time you grow a little bolder. Good luck with your future dates!

[vlame]

Well, she may like you and stands her ground even if she is shy. Sounds like you should take it slow and don't be aggressive.

Since she hit you up first she is confident.

Don't think of it as a date, think of it as hanging out alone with someone.

If you ask to do things like the movies or something potentially romantic play it cool but don't play defensively, play open.

[neilencio]

Does she prefer the Saturn or the Ps1?

You need to know now before it becomes too late.

[Luke]

This is a tough one to figure out without some extra info. When I had dates and came home and thought "well that was odd", that was usually the end of it, but that may not be your case. So...

During your conversation(s), did you two ever talk about past relationships? It can be uncomfortable, but it's also shows a sign of interest. And how was her body language? Did she lean in when you engaged in conversation? Did she seem preoccupied when speaking with her? When she took her check, did you offer to pay as soon as she grabbed it?

And the biggest piece to this is, how was the hug? Was it a quick hug and she went straight into her dorm, or was it one of those hugs where you both look at each other think about kissing, but don't?

Sorry for the barrage of questions, just want to help.

[Original_Name]

This is a tough one to figure out without some extra info. When I had dates and came home and thought "well that was odd", that was usually the end of it, but that may not be your case. So...

During your conversation(s), did you two ever talk about past relationships? It can be uncomfortable, but it's also shows a sign of interest. And how was her body language? Did she lean in when you engaged in conversation? Did she seem preoccupied when speaking with her? When she took her check, did you offer to pay as soon as she grabbed it?

And the biggest piece to this is, how was the hug? Was it a quick hug and she went straight into her dorm, or was it one of those hugs where you both look at each other think about kissing, but don't?

Sorry for the barrage of questions, just want to help.

No need to apologize! I sincerely appreciate it. I was actually afraid I'd typed too much.

I think I was going to think it was odd no matter what. Like I said, it was never 100% certain exactly what it was we were doing. She did seem really engaged in the conversation, and we made alot of prolonged eye contact, and it always felt... good. There never seemed to be any implication that we were focusing on anything but one another the whole time. Speaking about past relationships... I very briefly brought up one of my past relationships because it related to her thesis she's writing. She didn't bring up her past relationships, but like I said... she's shy. And that's just her... she was very matter-of-fact about how it can take people a long time to get to know her. Which is absolutely fine, but it sure made things more difficult on me.

Regarding the check, I was about to offer to pay it, and she said, "No really, it's fine," and gave me a reassuring look. If she'd given me a different look, I might have taken it as "I'm making sure you don't think it's a date," but the look really seemed to say "I don't like to do that." I don't know, I'm going off of hunches here. I felt kind of weird about letting her pay, and it may well have been a huge mistake to let her do so.

The hug was relatively short, but it wasn't one of those "Oh God, get off of me" kinds of things -- she was the one who initiated it in the first place.

Frankly, for me I can't be hard on myself for doing anything wrong, simply because I had no way of knowing if I should treat it like a date or like hanging out. I'm gonna make it a point to talk to her alot more just to get a feel for her personality, and once we've gotten to know eachother a little better, I'll ask her for a date straight-on. This was almost like a, "Hey, we maybe could date -- just letting you know" kind of meeting.

Looking at it as "hanging out one-on-one" as vlame mentioned is probably the best thing for now. I want to date this girl, it's just that at this point it would be really forced. I'm sure she's sitting around analyzing everything that happened as well. The question for me is really more how to follow it up. How exactly do you communicate to someone that you want to date as soon as possible, but you need to get more comfortable first?

For now, I'm thinking of just saying, "Hey, we should grab a bite again, I want to bring you out of your shell," and going to a similar place to try again. This time I'll be a bit more prepared for the situation, make sure to grab her check, and maybe try to make a little bit more happen around the door. If things seem to go better, I'll take her on a real date.

[lisalover1]

It was a date; you just don't know it yet. It will be clear when you start seeing her more often.

[Original_Name]

It was a date; you just don't know it yet. It will be clear when you start seeing her more often.

I hope so, man! Even if it was just a half-date-thing, I'm beyond flattered, even if it doesn't go anywhere. This girl is just heart-breakingly gorgeous, like, I can't even begin to explain it. She's Lao, too, which just brings it to a whole 'nother level for me.

[stickem]

just wondering what school this is since we are from the same area.
i dunno that whole situation sounded weird especially from a college girl. or maybe i'm just old.lol

[Original_Name]

^Belmont.

Haha, and how do you mean "weird from a college girl"? Clearly it was weird, but what about college-age makes it particularly weird?