Joke Thread

[Luke]

This thread needs to be "Joke Thread" as there really aren't any original jokes here.

fixed.

Crap. Right after I posted originals.

[sevin0seven]

This thread needs to be "Joke Thread" as there really aren't any original jokes here.

fixed.

Crap. Right after I posted originals.

[Retrozoa]

Here's a semi-dirty one I made up recently with an awful pun:

You guys here about that new Xmen film that goes even further back than first class? It's about Xavier losing his virginity. It's called X-men:First ass.

[Luke]

Here's a semi-dirty one I made up recently with an awful pun:

You guys here about that new Xmen film that goes even further back than first class? It's about Xavier losing his virginity. It's called X-men:First ass.

had to

[dgamemuster]

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

[Czernobog]

Luke, your original pick up lines made me laugh out loud and spill my drink.

[Luke]

Luke, your original pick up lines made me laugh out loud and spill my drink.

Thanks a ton man, and your comment made my day.

Surprisingly "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you let me borrow ten bucks?" always gets laughs, although I think it is the weakest pick up joke. But you've got to play to the crowd.

One pick up line I always loved was:

Man approaches two hot chicks and asks..."Hey. Have you seen that huge alien who keeps shitting out really hot chicks? (Looks up). Oh. There he is".

These pick ups may actually work on girls, but they're mostly just for funsies. It's funny how so many girls have already heard the lines and expect the usual follow through but laugh at the "twist". I'm sure there are plenty of great pick up lines I could work on as well.

But yeah, Thanks a bunch for laughing.

[dgamemuster]

^LMAO.

[Luke]

^LMAO.

My work here is done.

But it isn't.

[Retrozoa]

Here's a semi-dirty one I made up recently with an awful pun:

You guys here about that new Xmen film that goes even further back than first class? It's about Xavier losing his virginity. It's called X-men:First ass.

had to

Very nice. I actually love this response, as most of the jokes I create I make as bad as possible, just to see my roommates groan.