YoshiEgg25 wrote:Hatta wrote:If I were about to kill someone, I'd make them play PitFighter (SNES), Phantasmagoria 2 (PC), and Donkey Kong 64 (N64) before death.
May I ask why you put this gem in the same sentence as Pit Fighter?
The Hague Convention of 1907 requires it. You see, under Section 8, Article 7, Pit-Fighter for the SNES can never be unwittingly or unwillingly shown to anyone without at least some other sort of video game at least being present in the room as a comfort device, no matter the quality, with only a few exceptions:
Ultraman: Towards the Future
Kabuki Warriors
Kasumi Ninja
Street Combat
Time Killers
Ballz 3D
Ballz 3D is specifically underlined, italicized, and bolded in the Hague Convention because of its terrible tendency to cause sudden internal hemorrhaging and violent explosion of one's cranial cavity if so much as the label is read without the use of proper protective measures.
You see, Ballz 3D has been a blight on mankind since it's initial discovery sometime around 4000 BC. It is suspected that the biblical interpretation of what happened at Sodom and Gomorrah was actually the result of a copy of Ballz 3D being exposed during a particularly rough session of homosexual lovemaking in the home of one P.J. Winterbottom.
It appeared several more times throughout history, possibly in the hands of both Genghis Khan and then later Napoleon, who somehow managed to lose his copy of Ballz 3D. That particular copy was believed to have been lost for a century, before causing the Tunguska event in 1908 in what is now Krasnoyarsk Krai, Russia. Joseph Stalin, having learned of the power of Ballz 3D from Lenin, even went so far as to launch his massive purges in the 1930s and send so many workers to Siberia in an attempt to locate that particular copy, while Adolf Hitler attempted to construct his own copy of Ballz 3D. Fortunately the Allied powers were able to invade Berlin and stop Hitler while he was still in the early stages of designing the proper label, though the plastic cartridge casing and internal chip had already been constructed. Operation Paperclip was allegedly a secret US military program to bring over Nazi scientists to benefit the USA's military R&D program, but this was in reality a cover to lay hands on the Ballz 3D blueprints.
Of course, it is around 1948 that the Soviets managed to get their hands on the Siberian Ballz 3D, claiming its initial test run was actually an atomic weapon, but we all know different. Thankfully in the wake of the Cuban Missile Crisis (actually the Cuban Ballz Crisis) and the Six Day War, the two powers finally signed anti-Ballz 3D treaties, removing the threat of its usage from a third World War.
Unfortunately there is evidence to support the possibility of Al-Qaeda attempting to locate their own copy of Ballz 3D for use in a major Western city, while the North Koreans are obviously hard at work constructing their own, though their label-printing capabilities are thankfully far behind that of first-world nations.
Oh, and while we're at it, I suppose I should mention that some biblical scholars suspect that the fabled Ark of the Covenant actually contained a copy of Ballz 3D: The Director's Cut. Thankfully the world has never known its true horror, and the Ark has remained hidden for millennia.
