How to Get over a Breakup?

[Original_Name]

Goddammit, Inazuma. Relegating your love life to being the passionless stimulation of sexual organs to avoid the potential pain of losing someone who is truly important to you isn't fixing the problem, it's just accepting mediocrity. That's like telling a person whose mother just died that he should have gone into foster homes as a child so that he wouldn't have cared so much when it happened -- "Who cares!? You got lots'a mothers!" I used to think like you in many ways, Inazuma, but one day it will happen. One day someone will come along who you will want to spend the rest of your life with, and either you'll reach out and grab for it or you'll let your dogmatic ideals keep you from the greatest experiences of your life -- far better than having a steady stream of paltry pleasures such as fucking nobodys or leveling up in an MMO; I'm talking about the kinds of memories that will flash in front of your eyes before you die. THOSE are the memories you strive for, not the moment-to-moment pleasures such as maintaining the inventory of your seminal vesicles.

[Hatta]

Goddammit, Inazuma.

Well said. The whole thing I mean.

[Snickerd00dle]

Listen to The Smiths ...

This is the best and worst advice! Honestly though, your best bet is seeing it as a new point in your life, you've got so much to do, just be happy with the little things and see the memories as things that made you stronger

[Capcomwarrior]

You are better off not having a serious relationship anyway. The only reason you are upset is because you don't fully understand that. The best thing to do is just stick to having sex and never let the relationship become serious at all. Treat your woman like a human toilet and you won't get upset when she leaves. You wouldn't be all that upset over losing a toilet, would you?

Friends are for hanging out with, etc. Fuck buddies are to help you get off, nothing more. If you allow yourself to become more than a simple fuck buddy, you open yourself up to many problems, such as becoming sad over a breakup.

Haha... its fun to act like that isn't it?

Anyway, Ive been through a couple pretty bad breakups. The most recent was after a 3 year relationship with an absolute 10. She was amazing in every way, but for some reason I just didn't feel all that passionate (even though she was a total nymph). Eventually she got fed up with my neglect and ended it abruptly one day (at that point we hadn't even seen each other for almost 2 weeks when we lived 20 minutes away). I give her credit... when she made up her mind that was it. No friendship, no acquaintance, nothing. It was really hard for me to put myself back together (I had some weird issues - partially dependent on -as sick as it is- having this top quality female for confidence, like a possession). Anyway, it really caused me to grow into a man and better myself. I think that was really the key - self improvement, as someone stated earlier.

Try getting into some sort of art, or any creative activity.

[DaGamingMonkey]

As bad as it is and will be.
It's a great feeling when you finally are over it.
When a song comes on that used to remind you of her and instead it reminds you of someone else.

[pepharytheworm]

If you truely loved this women she will probably be on your mind off and on for the rest of your life. I was in a relationship that wasn't healthy for either of us, so I had to end it. Hardest thing I ever had to do, but I am sure her life is much better. I tried dating had a couple of quick ones but it felt wrong. So I stopped looking for someone, moved, and consentrated on my job. During that time was one of my most creative time, songs just came out of me everyday (I am a musician).

I am engaged right now been with her 8 years and I sometimes still think of her and what might have been. Sometimes even dream of her. I love the woman in my life now, I use to feel guilty about my thoughts, but I thought its natural. I didn't leave her because I didn't love her, so why would I not love who she was anymore? I will always love her, maybe not who she is now but who she was when I fell for her.

I can't give good advice but if you have any creative hobbies now is the time to start working. Your best painting will be during heart ache, your best stories, songs, hell, even sewing if you are so inclined. If you have no creative hobbies nows the time to start. Pick up that guitar and learn to play, grap that pencil and write, Grap that paint brush and paint.

[Gamerforlife]

I'll reiterate what others have said; occupy yourself. You want to take your mind off the breakup. Additionally, you want to cut off all contact with this girl for at least 6 months. Trying to downgrade your status to "just friends" is like picking at an open wound; you gotta let it heal. After that's happened you can be friends again.

This has been one of the harder things for me to deal with in the past, the friend thing. I think a lot of guys just hang on in the hopes that she'll eventually fall in love with you again. Though I guess that doesn't apply in this case since the TC initiated the break up. As MrPopo said, it's a downgrade. Can you accept having a lower quality relationship with that person? Especially when you eventually see that person fall for someone else? I personally don't believe in former couples being friends. It requires you to completely change how you see that person in your mind, even how you interact with that person. Personally, I can't do it. There is a level of intimacy you have when you've been in a relationship with a girl for a long time and it's hard to deal with the loss of that after you decide to just be friends. I've tried in the past and like MrPopo said, it's like picking at an open wound. Cut her out of your life...period.

And with regards to what Inazuna said, that kind of thinking seems smart. In fact, I'll be the first to admit that relationships can be a royal pain in the ass, which is why I'm not sure I'll ever get married(I'm enjoying the single life right now). Thing is though, you can't always control human emotions and inevitably someone comes along in everyone's life that you can't help falling for,even if you don't want too. I've had periods in my life where I convinced myself I wouldn't get emotionally involved with any girl. That whole sex and nothing else mentality, but then someone comes along and it just happens, you fall for her.

Oh, and people always talk about getting over someone. I often tell people they'll get over someone they break up with, but honestly,, I don't think I've ever "gotten over" anyone I ever had feelings for, but I've learned to move on, but you think about those people every once and in a while and what you had with them, at least I do. That's why I can't do the friends thing. Hard enough to try and forget the relationship you had without seeing that person on a regular basis

[LiL-mAc]

If you truely loved this women she will probably be on your mind off and on for the rest of your life. I was in a relationship that wasn't healthy for either of us, so I had to end it. Hardest thing I ever had to do, but I am sure her life is much better. I tried dating had a couple of quick ones but it felt wrong. So I stopped looking for someone, moved, and consentrated on my job. During that time was one of my most creative time, songs just came out of me everyday (I am a musician).

I am engaged right now been with her 8 years and I sometimes still think of her and what might have been. Sometimes even dream of her. I love the woman in my life now, I use to feel guilty about my thoughts, but I thought its natural. I didn't leave her because I didn't love her, so why would I not love who she was anymore? I will always love her, maybe not who she is now but who she was when I fell for her.

I can't give good advice but if you have any creative hobbies now is the time to start working. Your best painting will be during heart ache, your best stories, songs, hell, even sewing if you are so inclined. If you have no creative hobbies nows the time to start. Pick up that guitar and learn to play, grap that pencil and write, Grap that paint brush and paint.

reading your comments motivated me.

this one " I will always love her, maybe not who she is now but who she was when I fell for her." made me

[puke_face]

You are better off not having a serious relationship anyway. The only reason you are upset is because you don't fully understand that. The best thing to do is just stick to having sex and never let the relationship become serious at all. Treat your woman like a human toilet and you won't get upset when she leaves. You wouldn't be all that upset over losing a toilet, would you?

Friends are for hanging out with, etc. Fuck buddies are to help you get off, nothing more. If you allow yourself to become more than a simple fuck buddy, you open yourself up to many problems, such as becoming sad over a breakup.

Inazuma, clearly, you've never been in a relationship that you haven't had to pay for. It's one of the best feelings there is knowing that you can share love with another human being.

With a breakup that just happened, take some time to realize what the cause of the breakup was. That will ensure that you won't just get back together with her out of a spur of the moment sort of situation. Stay away from your ex, as that will only make you want to get back together. Learn some new hobbies, down time doesn't have to be used to look back, but to look forward. Don't go trying to find a new girl anytime soon, and if you do, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THE BARS!! Go to social events, the library, coffee shop, church... etc. You will not find a girl worth anything at a bar, strip club.. only skanks that will hurt you more in the end.

[Quiet Flight]

join fight club