F*** YAHOO

[Alpinex2]

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singl ... t-the-one/

If women listened to this no one would ever get married.

Some people say they "just knew" that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you're not sure if he's The One? If you're considering long-term commitment or marriage, it's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, 10 signs that may indicate he's not for you.

1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/saying/wearing if he wants your relationship to work. If you're fixating on his flaws, he's either not the one you want or you're not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace -- or at least accept.

2. You don't trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you're hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something's wrong. If there's something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he's not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all... even if it looks that way.

4. When you're sad, you don't turn to him for comfort. When you're a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can't see you at your worst? If you're worried about scaring him away, one of you isn't ready for total commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He's sweet. He's exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he'll do so on his own terms.

6. You can't really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he's probably not the one.

7. Your long-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn't. You go to church every week; he's an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn't want to move; you can't imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: "Would I be willing to compromise on this?" If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8. You don't respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there's just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can't sustain itself.

9. You're not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn't do it for you, he's probably not your best long-term match.

10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling... Don't ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.

[DerekG52]

Or maybe that's why we have a 50% divorce rate.

[fastbilly1]

Please ease up on the cussing for topic titles

I cant view it, blocked, but Im sure thisll be a laugh.

[Original_Name]

With the exception of the point about arguing, I don't have problems with any of this. The other things are all completely legitimate reasons why a person wouldn't be happy with another - why are you expecting for people to be anything but content with their relationship? If there's something that drives you insane about your mate or beckons for you to compromise and exchange an important value for a less important one, then what's the point of being with them? No matter what anyone tells you, relationships are NOT about sacrifice and compromise, relationships - love - is about finding people who make you happy and complement (note that "e", Racketeers) the things that make you feel good about yourself - fill in your gaps.

I do take issue with the point about fighting, though. Honestly, you don't have to fight to communicate frustrations. That's ridiculous. My parents have never fought. Ever. And they're still together - there aren't any deep-seeded problems festering just below the surface waiting to explode, either -- they're very honest with eachother; sometimes they do something that frustrates the other, but they talk about it. No one has to raise their voice or throw a hissy-fit in order to quell simple, mundane complaints.

I had a girlfriend who just HAD to get into fights with me all the time, and would create conflicts in the relationship even if there were none and it drove me fucking insane. There's nothing healthy about finding inane drivel to scream about like a cro-mag - there's nothing healthy about arguments being the default reaction to problems that can easily be talked through in a civil manner. At least from my stance on the matter - feel free to disagree if you like.

I just know that my current girlfriend and I have never had an argument, nor can we figure out what we would ever find to straight-up argue about barring things like keeping major secrets from eachother, cheating on one another, or - I don't know - calling eachother's mother a whore or something -- basically things that we would never do. Of course we know that our relationship can't be 100% perfect (not as long as she still likes Nickelback, anyway), but that doesn't mean we have to behave like animals and scream at eachother every time some small aspect of our lives isn't going our way.

Besides that though, I don't see any reason a woman shouldn't follow these guidelines - it's not like it says don't ever accept that a man has different interests than you, it just says that if it's a major discrepancy then it should be treated like one.

(EDIT: I can see how the point about intuition could be viewed as illegitimate, but love being such a preternatural sort of emotion, it's not entirely out of the question -- fuck, sometimes your subconscious has something to say)

[Alpinex2]

I've been married for almost ten years and some of that shit is a joke, Fighting is Healthy? Uhh NO! And when you get married that's all a women does is try to change there man the way the women wants, the marriages that don't last are the ones where the husband and wife just go on living and doing things the way they had before almost pretending not to be married. Men aren't the best emotional shoulders to cry on unless there gay that's what there mothers are for. Then the last one where they say if theirs a strange felling trust your gut? What the fuck is that all about it makes no sense.

[Alpinex2]

Also the addiction one is ridiculous that's just common sense and shouldn't be a part of the article. And if you're not physically attracted to him then why are you going out with him in the first place.

[masteroftheclaw]

Also the addiction one is ridiculous that's just common sense and shouldn't be a part of the article. And if you're not physically attracted to him then why are you going out with him in the first place.

Sometimes people (women or men) will do this sort of thing if it benefits them in other ways...

[J T]

Research done by John Gottman (and colleagues) at the University of Washington suggests that how couples argue is really a critical area to examine to figure out if a couple will make it or break apart. They did studies where they got newly wed couples to agree to be video recorded for an experiment. They had them take part in a 60 minute interview that includes debating an issue that they have had a disagreement about. The researchers studied the interactions and found several key features that would predict whether or not the couple would get a divorce. Based on this one short interview, they can determine with roughly 85% accuracy whether or not the couple will get a divorce. That kind of accuracy is almost unheard of in psychology. Some of the critical features they look for are whether couples have really biting criticism of each other, whether they show nonverbal signs of disgust or contempt, and whether or not they use global negative labels of each other (saying things like, "you're stupid" instead of "that was a really stupid thing you did".)

[Hatta]

Relationship advice has always been utterly worthless. Unless the author has done an actual study, and reports back with real data that shows statistically significant results, just ignore it. So don't waste your breath. JT found one of the few pieces of advice that's actually based on data. Isn't science great?

[MrPopo]

I've been married for almost ten years and some of that shit is a joke, Fighting is Healthy? Uhh NO!

I blame the article for using the loaded word "fight". If you read the rest of the paragraph, it's clear that what they mean is that you shouldn't be afraid to disagree with your partner on an issue, as long as you can have a rational debate on it, like you might do with your coworkers. Being able to have conversations like that with your significant other will help ensure that both parties are willing to speak up if they really thing the other party is doing something wrong, and that their concerns will be listened to.

And when you get married that's all a women does is try to change there man the way the women wants, the marriages that don't last are the ones where the husband and wife just go on living and doing things the way they had before almost pretending not to be married.

I disagree with your first point. Your second point is true. The way you conduct yourself in marriage does need to be different from how you do when you're casually dating. But once again I think you've misinterpreted what the article is actually saying. If you are thinking "he needs to stop making that stupid joke" then you are focusing on the flaws. Both people need to grow, but actively trying to change a person can lead to resentment.

Men aren't the best emotional shoulders to cry on unless there gay that's what there mothers are for.

Sexism fail.