I started Writing Again!!

[deathbed8844]

Here is my new work on a book. Sorry i got lost in the other book. But tell me what you think.


Operation
B.E.A.W


Chapter 1
Amazon River

Bullets flying all over. Men falling,getting shot, and exploding. General Shnider is a five star general that is now leading his troops through a battle in South America right by the Amazon River. He is jumping over dead soldiers and looking for the enemy that for some reason nobody can see. Shnider looked straight ahead of him and saw a missile heading for him and his group. He jumped down and ducked so did all the other soldiers except for one. That unfortunate soldier got hit by the missile and his flaming body went flying into a jeep. “Not another one!” ,said General Shnider. General Shnider was upset because more than a hundred men had died in a matter of minutes. Shnider ran ahead of his troops and saw a man with a big fluffy white winter coat blazing away with a AK-47 in his hands. Next to him soldiers were being shot down by this winter freak. General Shnider grabbed a Norinco 86S that was on the ground in front of him. He jumped up and shot the guy in the coat in the face. Blood spattered as the bullets went through the enemy's head. Shnider looked around and saw that he was inside an invisible forcefield. He saw an enemy that also had a big white coat on as well holding a rocket launcher. He snuck up behind him and snapped his neck. He grabbed the rocket launcher off the ground and shot these electrical poles that were powering the force field. All of a sudden enemies were swarming everywhere around him. He got ten of the enemies with one shot of the rocket launcher. He ran into a near by enemy fortress with gunfire blazing behind him. He got in and locked the door. Then the door exploded and Shnider was launched onto the floor. A man with a big goofy red coat stepped over him and said, “ Death to Americans!” Then a spray of blood came out of his chest. The man fell in a heap on the ground next to General Shnider. A woman with dark brown skin and a skin tight green leather suit was standing where the red coat man was standing just a minute ago. She had a gun in her hand a smile on her face. “Rhonda! What the heck are you doing here!?” ,said Shnider. “ Just battling the enemy. You would know right?” ,said Rhonda
“Just get me up!”
“ Whatever you say mister Shnider”
“ Its General Shnider to you!”
“ Whatever”


Chapter 2
Tokyo Trouble

In the average day of NATO Sandro a half Japanese half Caucasian man, life is a big workout. NATO gets up and does his stretches and weight lifting. He also practices martial arts. A couple of days after the battle in South America that NATO had seen on tv he got inspired to go sign to train to be a soldier in the military. On his way to the place to sign up he saw people running past him and screaming. He weaved past them as he went to the building. When he got to the building he saw that a giant aircraft had crashed into it. He ran inside and saw dead soldiers lying all over the floor. NATO ran inside and looked around. There were gun wounds in the bodies laying on the ground so someone must have killed them. He walked down the hallawayand heard voices. He ducked down under a table and looked out from it and saw three men with big bushy white winter coats on. He jumped up over the table and dropped kicked one of them in the head. A loud crack was heard as his foot collided with the coat guys head. The others started to shoot at NATO. NATO flipped over a table and used it as a shield. He went into a backpack he had brought with him and pulled out three knifes. He threw them over the table hitting one of the enemies straight in the chest. NATO ran around the room dodging bullets room the last enemy. NATO grabbed a sword that was hanging on the wall for decoration and charged at the enemy. He cut of his legs and stabbed him in the heart. Then as he was leaving the place he saw a huge aircraft hovering over him. It beamed him up into it and flew away.


Chapter 3

[deathbed8844]

Tell me what you think1!!!!

[bacteria]

What, about the Engrish punktuaton? "C-"

[Limewater]

I don't like it. It gets plusses for having a hot chick, and lots of action, but it doesn't have a cool monster like your last story. Also, I think NATO is a great name for a karate guy.

I think it would be better if General Schnider meets the guy from your other story and he turns out to be a six star general who has gotten really good at going in a kicking butt after all of his fighting against the monster. He could be the youngest six-star general in history, since I don't know if he has his driver's license yet.

[jp1]

[alexis524]

i agree, polish up the use of the english vocabulary, use proper punctuation and sentence structure and you'll be good. Not my kind of story, but the generals name seems to cliche. All i can think about when reading the generals name is Rob Schneider from Deuce Bigalow. epic fail.......

[General Chaos]

Wow, this is great. So it's possible aliens will be involved in future chapters? Also, I agree that NATO is a fabulous name for this karate dude.

[jfe2]

Wow, this is great. So it's possible aliens will be involved in future chapters? Also, I agree that NATO is a fabulous name for this karate dude.

[Luke]

"In the average day of NATO Sandro a half Japanese half Caucasian man..."

On first reading, I thought it was an average day at NATO, while a half japanese and half white guy named Sandro thought life was tough.

[Anayo]

There's no character development.