Not bad sir, new line new speaker and when it's I (as in me) on it's own it's always a capital are the only things I'd tell you punctuation-wise, don't get to hung up on it as it'll get in the way of the story you're telling, that's what proof readers are for!
Keep writing, you'll only get better.
Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
Congratulations on your courage and perseverance to actually read this!Limewater wrote:In chapter 2, he mentions ducking into a Gerrity's Supermarket. As far as I know and google tells me, they're just in northeastern Pennsylvania. Your Location field also says northeast PA.dsheinem wrote:Limewater wrote:
Also, I think you might live near dsheinem.
Why?
I've never seen a Gerrity's.
I think that this is just the kind of book that Justin Bieber would write and probably enjoy.
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
You should read it! It's action-packed!dsheinem wrote: Congratulations on your courage and perseverance to actually read this!
I bet so. Justin Bieber's pretty tough! Did you hear about him breaking his foot in the middle of a song and still finishing it? What a toughguy! I've never heard any of his music, but I'm now a big fan because of his manliness.I think that this is just the kind of book that Justin Bieber would write and probably enjoy.
Last edited by Limewater on Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Systems: TI-99/4a, Commodore Vic-20, Atari 2600, NES, SMS, GB, Neo Geo MVS (Big Red 4-slot), Genesis, SNES, 3DO, PS1, N64, DC, PS2, GBA, GCN, NDSi, Wii
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
This discussion reminds me of a song about the manliest man to ever walk the face of the Earth, Brian Boitano.
What exactly would Brian Boitano do?
What exactly would Brian Boitano do?
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
I think the better question is what wouldn't Brian Boitano do?
Think about it.
Think about it.
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
Wow, nice detective work, gumshoe! I want deathbed8844 to write a mystery novel next with you as the main character! I smell series.Limewater wrote:In chapter 2, he mentions ducking into a Gerrity's Supermarket. As far as I know and google tells me, they're just in northeastern Pennsylvania. Your Location field also says northeast PA.dsheinem wrote:Limewater wrote:
Also, I think you might live near dsheinem.
Why?
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
Well, I just know I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings...Luke wrote:I think the better question is what wouldn't Brian Boitano do?
Think about it.
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
Elaborate troll.....I hope. 
Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
You sir, are about to become my new best Internet friend.Ack wrote:Well, I just know I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings...Luke wrote:I think the better question is what wouldn't Brian Boitano do?
Think about it.
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dedalusdedalus
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Re: Chapters 1 and half of 2 of my book im working on
So this is what it's like when someone writes an entire story in NES-style dialogue.