What Made you Smile/What Ticked you off Today?

[REPO Man]

You DO realize I've lived here nearly my whole life, right?

And lots of times I usually wear Tshirts with my interests on them. Granted I'm wearing a green blank T that used to be inspired by Ocer the Garden, but aside from my Tshirts based on The Crow or my American Gothic-inspired Freddy Vs Jason shirt no one really recognizes what they're from. I've seen only two people IRL with Junji Ito shirts on and I seemed to be the only person who know what it's from. And maybe once I talked with someone who knew what Wishmaster was. But in a small Southern town with a predominantly white, cishet, conservative Christian population it's hard to find my tribe as a gay liberal with a love of cinema, gaming, horror and the strange and unusual. It's just easier to find my tribe in a part of the world with a greater diversity of fellow humans and ideas.

To paraphrase something inonce told my mom: "Me staying on Hatteras Island is like a typical local living in NYC and me living in NYC is like a typical local staying on Hatteras Island." Basically I'm a square peg who doesn't fit in any of the holes here.

[marurun]

You DO realize I've lived here nearly my whole life, right?

And lots of times I usually wear Tshirts with my interests on them.

So fucking what, dude? You can live someplace your whole life and have no clue who else is there because you don't leave your own house except to go to the store. So what if you wear T-shirts? Would you say something to someone else based in their shirt? I live in a much more populated city and the only time someone has ever said anything about my shirt was a fucking Sonic shirt I won in a contest. That's not how you meet people. There are, what, over 500 people on the island? Do you know them all by name and personality? What about the people on the other islands or in Wilmington? There's nerdy game stores and kitschy weird places there.

Look, where you live isn't great, we get that, but the core problem isn't Hatteras. The problem is you. You're not some sad fish-out-of-water. You're just unwilling to do anything that is even slightly uncomfortable unless you have to to survive. That's it. And until you solve THAT problem, nothing else will help you. Nobody is going to come along and lift you out of your staid life unless you do something to put yourself out there. Wearing T-shirts is NOT putting yourself out there. That is the most passive and non-committal way to not actually do that but still tell yourself you are.

There's always stuff you can't affect or help. All you can affect is yourself. And if you aren't taking initiative then any opportunity or bout of luck that crosses your path will be completely closed off to you because you won't even see it. Sure, you might put yourself out there for nothing. Maybe there will be no luck or no opportunity, but you won't know because you are stuck in your rut and unwilling to do anything that might put you in a position to find out.

[REPO Man]

Where would these people be? Does going to a fishing pier and asking random people their favorite Junji Ito story make any sense? Or what about going to a sports bar thinking I'll be able to have a spirited debate on the politics of REPO! The Genetic Opera? Or going to a grocery store to talk to people about their thoughts on Microsoft's acquisition of Activision Blizzard?

But you know where these questions would make more sense? Comic book stores, movie theaters, video game stores and so on in places like New York City where a greater diversity of people from various walks of life guarantees finding folks with similar interests.

[Ziggy]

Dude, I live in New York and I just went to a comic book shop for the first time. I didn't find any friends there. In fact, the opposite. The guy behind the counter was a complete snob, at least at first. And a group of 3 or 4 friends walked in while I was there, but unsurprisingly they were a lot younger than me (it is a comic book shop after all). Listening to them speak to each other, I could tell we were far from a match. And don't think, "Well, that was one time." This is nearly every time I visit a retail or public space here. Most people here are complete and utter jerks. The ones that aren't keep to themselves, because they are trying to avoid the jerks. It's super rare that I meet people in public that I click with. SUPER rare.

Do you really think that common interest is the only thing that makes people click? Because it isn't. In New York, you might eventually find someone you click with. But more often than not you will only find complete jerks. You must trust me on this, because I have lived here my entire life. New York is infamous for people being jerks, and I'm telling you it's completely true. In fact, it's only become worse. I have known many people that have relocated, and many people that wish to relocate. Myself included. You think you live in a shit hole town? New York will absolutely eat you up and spit you out, and not care!

And don't get me wrong. If you hang around a video game store or comic book shop long enough, you'll run into someone that you click with. I mean, it's a numbers game, it WILL eventually happen. But I really don't see how you'll have the time. To make it here, you will be working at LEAST full time. Probably more than full time just to make ends meet. You will have virtually no time to be in these places. Unless you stop sleeping, which I don't recommend doing.

I'm not trying to give you shit, or burst your bubble. I'm just telling you like it is. I was born and raised in New York. I cannot fathom why you would want to move here. I wholeheartedly advise against it. I really do. I'm not trying to be mean, quite the opposite. I would tell you to take a trip and visit NYC, if only for a few days, so you would understand what I mean. But in actuality, I don't even recommend that you visit here.

[marurun]

Local folks connect online all the time through Facebook groups and Craigslist and who knows what. Besides, you could easily befriend people in Wilmington and even if you can’t bike to them they can drive to you.

[Note]

I have known many people that have relocated, and many people that wish to relocate. Myself included.

Just curious Ziggy, where would you prefer to move to? Many of my friends and family that I grew up around have also left NY. Some went to CT, others down to the Carolinas, Virginia, and Florida. For most people I know, it was either a financial decision or work related.

My sister and her husband will also be moving down to Virginia in the fall (due to a job opportunity for her husband), and my mom might potentially go there with them. Will be weird not having my family in the area.

[REPO Man]

@Ziggy587 so basically it's possible, regardless of difficulty, to find a potential friend or casual acquaintance at a place where people with a certain interest are logically likely to gather?

At this point even just one potentially jerkass cashier at a comic book store is better than my current chances NOT living in a town with a comic book store.

God knows I've considered opening a comic book store but all the best places get snatched up and turned into something we've got plenty of in this town. And I'd host MtG games, tabletop gaming events and if I had a screening room I'd show some of the weird cult films I'd sell.

What about finding fellow film buffs at film screenings? God knows I would have LOVED to gone to the screening of the 4K restoration of The Doom Generation in NYC. I might have gotten my Criterion-style cover printed and framed if getting it autographed or even just giving it to Gregg Araki was an option. Thankfully it's on The Criterion Channel.

[SamuraiMegas]

I personally find having difficulty making friends to be a laughable problem, but I'm a marketer/salesman who walks into random smoke shops all day long. Being wildly extroverted is why I'm so good at my job.

You wanna make friends? Go to the bar, or whatever your preferred local spot is. Find one you like and hang out there. There's a bar in Denton called Tom's Daiquiris- I became such a regular there, that when the bartenders heard my roommate passed and I was moving they hung up our picture on the wall. I haven't gotten ID'd there in a year at least. I could sit down at most people's table and have a drink with them if I felt like it.

You're not going to magically find that spot because you're in New York, or because you're going places. You have to try.

[REPO Man]

You wanna make friends? Go to the bar, or whatever your preferred local spot is. Find one you like and hang out there.

I don't drink, and considering the relationship my dad and brother have with alcohol that's for the best.

As for my preferred local spot... I don't have one. I used to like going to the movies but the theater closed down over a decade ago, give or take. For me, "going out" usually means doing a load of laundry at the Avon Motel. I bring a folding chair, a portable fan, my tablet, my Switch, a bottled water and something to snack on. Nothing salty or spicy. I usually watch a few episodes of a random show I'm currently into or maybe a movie if the runtime is about 90 minutes.

Sometimes "going out" means driving up to the Walmart an hour away and getting Wendy's.

[SamuraiMegas]

Well no shit you don't have any friends, you're a stick in the mud. You don't have to drink alcohol at the bar. You can drink nonalcoholic drinks or smoke. When I was super broke, I'd go up there and smoke weed and maybe get a $2 beer if I could afford it that night. I still went out and did something even if I couldn't really buy anything because I wanted to go out and make some friends.

There's vape shops, comic shops, book stores, "adult" entertainment, etc. Find your scene. Maybe it's a meet up once a month. Maybe its a spot you can swing by as much as you'd like. Find it.