17. Giana Sisters DS (DS)
In 1987, a German-developed game called The Great Giana Sisters was released for the Commodore 64, and soon ported to additional microcomputers. A robust, scrolling platformer boasting over thirty stages, it was one of the first of its kind to be seen outside of consoles and arcades. There was just one tiny little issue (besides the atrocious cover art): the game was extraordinarily similar to Super Mario Bros. in a great many respects, including but not limited to: stage designs, the power-up system, enemy roster, and background graphics. As such, the game was soon withdrawn from store shelves, allegedly due to the possibility of a lawsuit being filed by Nintendo. The game in its original state has since become ultra-rare, fetching some seriously high prices on the secondary market. For twenty years The Great Giana Sisters was all but forgotten, spoken of only occasionally by those who remembered it (or discovered it via emulation) as that goofy little Mario rip-off. That is, until 2009 (or 2011 for North Americans) when a pseudo-sequel Giana Sisters DS humorously arrived on Nintendo's handheld to occupy a slot in the DS platformer library right alongside Mario himself. Giana Sisters DS contains elements of the original game, albeit significantly "enhanced" and revamped, plus a host of new content.
In my review of Neutopia, a derivative title in its own right, I stated it was impossible to review the game without also inadvertently reviewing The Legend of Zelda. The same principle applies here: even in its new and improved form, Giana Sisters DS still contains a host of Mario DNA. So, the game itself is a side-scrolling 2D platformer, with its content divvied up into eight worlds which are then further broken down into individual stages. Giana can move left and right, duck (though her sprite barely shrinks), and jump. Oddly enough, she doesn't seem to actually have a sister. Instead, a "ball" power-up transforms the cutesy girly-girl Giana into Punk Giana (how very '87...). In Punk form Giana can withstand an extra hit (damage transforms her back to her regular state), smash bricks, and shoot energy balls. The energy balls have a weird downward arc, so they often need to be blasted while jumping to be effective. A brief textless cutscene opens the game to relay Giana's mission: the recovery of her precious blue diamonds. Diamonds are the "coins" of the game: they're often scattered about in the open, are sometimes housed inside of special blocks, and gathering one hundred grants an extra life.
The stage designs are amusing, as it's easy to spot which environments are "throwbacks" and which are altogether original. The old school stages tend to be simple flat plains, littered with obstacles like pitfalls, dissolving bridges, block piles, and pipes (they couldn't help themselves!). 2009-era stages are beefier with both vertical and horizontal scrolling. They're rarely true "mazes" but often feature multiple avenues to the exit. The enemy selection is rather small, with the whole line-up essentially displayed on the box art. Most enemies are defeated with either a stomp or an energy ball blast, though some foes are impervious to both. A recurring boss, found in the "castle" stages, is a clear nod to Bowser. A big chunky goofy dragon, he's taken out with a few clean stomps to the head (interestingly, the C64 original instead showcased some creepy-looking pterodactyl bosses).
In later stages, two additional power-ups are offered. These can "stack" on top of the Punk power-up, can be stored and activated later, and don't offer any extra defensive protection. The chewing gum power-up allows Giana to float around environments, until she hits something that literally bursts her bubble. Meanwhile, the soda bottle power-up is used to destroy large piles of vertically-stacked bricks with its lethal carbonation. Such power-ups are dispensed from vending machines, and sometimes Giana must visit a machine multiple times per stage if said item needs to be utilized more than once. The basic controls (walking and jumping) feel comfortable enough and are mechanically competent, but gameplay is still a bit quirky. Unlike Super Mario Bros., there's no distinction between walking and running. Giana never gains momentum and trots at a constant pace. Jumps can be tweaked midair, which is nice, but many stages (mostly later ones) feel designed to screw up Giana's jumping for no good reason at all. There are numerous stretches with annoyingly low ceilings, and the developers were apparently fond of tiny platforms and giant chasms that can just barely be cleared. There's also some weirdness involving the chewing gum and soda power-ups; here the developers got cute by requiring the player use the DS touch screen to activate these upgrades. Meanwhile, the Y and X buttons are redundant while L and R are completely unused. Moreover, to control Giana in the bubble the player is actually supposed to blow into the microphone (get it... blowing bubbles). Thankfully, this "blow mode" can be turned off and the A button used instead. The instruction manual recommends deactivating the mic in a noisy environment, like a car or an airplane. This prevents the microphone from picking up unwanted noise and also prevents the player from looking like an idiot.
There's a small amount of hidden bonus content to found. Alongside the standard blue diamonds, there are some scarce red ones. By collecting all of these in a given world, a bonus stage will open. Said bonus stages contain massive caches of blue diamonds -- since levels can be repeated ad nauseam these are fine places to farm for 1-ups. The game's inconsistent about the red diamonds, however. For the first six worlds they aren't especially difficult to nab: there's maybe three per stage and they're tucked away but aren't too concealed. Come World 7, however, and there's now ten or twelve red diamonds per stage, scattered in all sorts of obscure spots. "Collectathons" are never fun. The game also contains a set of "trophies" which are analogous to PlayStation trophies and Steam achievements; these are granted upon completing specific tasks like slaying a set number of foes, or finishing Giana's journey without seeing the Game Over screen. A couple of "challenge stages" also present themselves after the credits roll, but they're oddly tedious and altogether skippable. With eighty plus total stages, Giana's journey ends up feeling rather bloated. Certain environments, like the standard "1-1" outdoor setting, are recycled constantly. And, sadly enough, this "updated" DS adventure still feels patently inferior to 8-bit Mario, as it's wholly lacking in all the little idiosyncrasies that made Mario so intriguing. Poor Giana is unable to enter pipes, has no vines to climb, no skies or seas to explore, no treetops to scamper over, and she faces no real clever adversaries.
The visuals are quite pleasing. Giana's really cute, drawn in a Western almost-anime fashion. The cutscenes are rather pretty; it's too bad they simply bookend the whole shebang, as opposed to appearing after every conquered world. Stage backgrounds have a watercolor look, with a calm, soothing color palette. Chris Huelsbeck's original soundtrack is here, heavily remixed, with a bunch of new tunes tacked on top. These are some truly upbeat and energetic tracks, but they sounded much better coming out of the C64's glorious SID chip. It's unfortunate there's no "original soundtrack" option, as seen in Ys Eternal and other "retro remakes."
All told, Giana Sisters DS is a fair experience, fun enough for what it is. The developers were certainly right about one thing: this is the type of game one would play in a car or aboard an airplane, or perhaps in a living room while an "equally interesting" television show blares in the background. It's that type of "mindless" fun that almost overstays its welcome; thankfully the journey can be wrapped up within a single day, if not a single lengthy sitting. For a select few retro C64 gamers, Giana Sisters DS is a much unexpected trip down memory lane. For most, it's a throwback to a bizarre retro gaming anecdote that would otherwise be forgotten.
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