So I just got an Italian sandwich

[Ack]

Now I suppose I should preface this a little. I hate mayonnaise. It is the bane of my existence. That white, globby lard shit looks, smells, and tastes like I was biting into the lumpy part of some 300-pound, unbathed anime freak three days into Dragon*Con's ass. That shit is fucking nasty, and I don't give a flying fuck if you think it's good, you should be dragged outside and shot.

But anyway.

So I order an Italian sandwich at the nearby Jimmy John's, because it's the only main sandwich on the menu with no mayonnaise and I actually really like the Italian sandwich. So it gets home, and I can already taste those little sliced red peppers, when I gingerly unwrap the paper covering it and insert it into my mouth and take a bite. And something doesn't taste right. Something tastes just a little like the lumpy part of some 300-pound, unbathed anime freak three days into Dragon*Con's ass. So I open my sandwich, and right there, looking up at me with those globby, lard-assed eyes, is a pile of this FUCKING MAYONNAISE SHIT. ON AN ITALIAN SANDWICH.

WHO IN THE FLYING MOTHER FUCK DOES THAT? I WANT TO KNOW SO I CAN SHOVE WHAT WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD SANDWICH UP THAT DUMB FUCKTARD'S ASS.

And if any of you folks ever work in the food industry, and you put mayonnaise on my sandwich, I don't care if you are a Racketboy.com forum member who I may genuinely like. I will leap over that counter and proceed to sodomize you violently with a broken broom handle before introducing your face to the meat slicer.

I hate mayonnaise.

CAN
YOU
DIG
IT?

[Mozgus]

zOMG Ack what the fuk? Derrr, this isn't related to gamingz. Dos not belong! Can't beliefs mod like yu showing suck bad exampel1

As for me, on the rare occasions when I do pay for an overpriced italian type sub from wherever, I tell them to throw everything on it. It's all good.

[jp1]

Mayonnaise can make you do strange things.

[Ack]

zOMG Ack what the fuk? Derrr, this isn't related to gamingz. Dos not belong! Can't beliefs mod like yu showing suck bad exampel1

As for me, on the rare occasions when I do pay for an overpriced italian type sub from wherever, I tell them to throw everything on it. It's all good.

That right there folks is the reason why somebody wants a Mozgus plushie.

[Mozgus]

That right there folks is the reason why somebody wants a Mozgus plushie.

...I'm so flooding this place with gay furry porn before I'm gone.

[Ack]

I'm somewhat reluctant to ask if you know of a place to get that much gay furry porn.

[the7k]

Not nearly as bad as the time I got a Meatball sub that had mayo on it. No joke.

[Ack]

Not nearly as bad as the time I got a Meatball sub that had mayo on it. No joke.

Oh what the fuck?! Please tell me you used the meatball scooper spoon to carve out his eyeballs.

[dlmvii]

I'm somewhat reluctant to ask if you know of a place to get that much gay furry porn.

I'd start with google if I were him

[the7k]

Nah, I just returned the shit and got my money back, after making a huge pissy-fit. It's the only way you can get your money back, it seems.

Turns out, people down south love them some mayo, and on just about everything, and GOBS of it too. I just don't understand it. Even if I did, in some alternate universe I take it, like mayo, why the hell would I put so damn much on my sandwich? And a MEATBALL one at that? Might else well put raw sewage on a pizza.

Of course, this isn't even as bad as the time I got a raw chicken sandwich from Wendy's, after waiting 'for it to cook' for 15 minutes. Haven't ate at Wendy's for about a year since it happened. Again, I had to really scream and shout to get a refund, but after I showed them the sandwich, and realized a bunch of customers were hearing me pretty well, they gave me a refund.

Tried to take the sandwich away from me too, I wasn't hearing that. Told 'em "If I get sick as hell in the next few days, I'll be coming back here for much more than a refund!" Luckily, all I had got from it was a slight fever.