What was the last movie you've seen?
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noiseredux
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Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
haha, no. But I do have Stage Fright and um... something else but I'm blanking. I know I've told this story before, but back in 2005-ish my wife and I bought out the horror VHS stock of a video store that was closing. It was a buck a tape and we literally just bought every horror movie in their possession that we had never seen. That huge box of tapes lasted us for years. We may even still have a small handful that we never got around to.
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
That scene is made all the worse due to not knowing what (or who) is on that pizza. Missing Dog? Friend? Innocent Pizza Guy? All three? There are no non-queazy answers.noiseredux wrote:the pizza part really grossed me out and stuck with me. We watched Offerings in 2006 or 2007 - and as soon as you posted the poster, I was like "ugh, pizza. Gross."
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
I know. I silently rejoice any time I can find a slasher film you haven't seen.noiseredux wrote:haha, no. But I do have Stage Fright and um... something else but I'm blanking. I know I've told this story before, but back in 2005-ish my wife and I bought out the horror VHS stock of a video store that was closing. It was a buck a tape and we literally just bought every horror movie in their possession that we had never seen. That huge box of tapes lasted us for years. We may even still have a small handful that we never got around to.
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noiseredux
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Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
ah, then take a shot of Jameson - Open House is one that I've not seen, but totally sounds like one I would have.
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
The Brain
In a small town in the USA/Canada, a psychiatrist runs a popular local television show that is secretly being used to control the minds of all its viewers via the powers of an enormous brain-like alien with a hunger for human flesh. Unfortunately the effects aren't entirely 100% on some teenagers, and it comes down to teenage rebel Jim Majewelski to save the world...if he can get past his hallucinations of the psychiatrist's nurse walking around topless. Which, frankly, I'm not sure he should. She's...nice.
Anyway it's a movie about mind control via the mass media! Yes, I know, it's not really original. It's like if The Stepford Wives had a love child with Fiend Without a Face, only with little budget and a whole lot of sodium. Yes, sodium. Chemistry saves the world, folks, from a giant man-eating brain creature that apparently can make you hallucinate giant tentacle tongues coming through the walls, like some kind of freaky Japanese porn only way less fun.
So what is entertaining about this movie? The mistakes! The main character's clothes change in how dirty they are throughout. In some shots it has snowed recently, while in others it is dry as a bone. Pretty much everybody is walking around with a gun, even the guards at the local mental institution, and that just seems like a bad idea. There's also a scene near the beginning where a teddy bear's eyes are supposed to bleed, but the piping was way lower than it should have been, so instead it just looks like it has a pair of oozing ink spots. Oh, and you can even see a foot behind the giant monster brain from the guy moving it around at one point!
But David Gale does play the evil psychiatrist, and he gets his head knocked off, just like in Re-Animator. Actually now that I think about it, there are a couple of decapitations in this film, along with at least one chainsaw mutilation, and a tube of caulk can be used to stop a giant monster tongue. But most importantly, bolt cutters can apparently solve all of life's little problems. I highly recommend you go buy some, folks.
Who's a good little boy? You are!
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
A few days ago:
How do more people not know about this?!
Last night, I found this on Vudu as part of their "Free with Ads" collection:
Gave it a 4 stars on Vudu.
And today had myself a double feature:
While Zombi 2 feels like a genuine horror film (like a slightly shorter Dawn of the Dead, of which Zombi 2 is an in-name-only sequel to the Italian cut, entitled Zombi and cut by Dario Argento), Zombi 3 (an in-name-only sequel to Zombi 2) feels more like an action film with zombies and gore. Despite only being an in-name-only sequel, Zombi 3 has been hit hard with sequelitis, while any sequelitis, if any, is barely noticeable in Zombi 2 (maybe Zombi 2 is just a carrier?).
Though keep in mind that Lucio Fulci either butted heads with his producer or got sick while in the Philippines. And even before then, his original cut was 50 minutes cut down from 70 and any gaps in the runtime were filled by Bruno Mattei.
There's also a Zombi 4 and 5 (this is what they're called in the States), though they're less related to their predecessors. Though they're really just separate films.
I really hope to get these films on Blu-Ray in the future (currently have the Blue Underground DVD release of Zombi 2/Zombie, and the Media Blasters release of Zombi 3, which has a quality more akin to a bootleg).
How do more people not know about this?!
Last night, I found this on Vudu as part of their "Free with Ads" collection:
Gave it a 4 stars on Vudu.
And today had myself a double feature:
While Zombi 2 feels like a genuine horror film (like a slightly shorter Dawn of the Dead, of which Zombi 2 is an in-name-only sequel to the Italian cut, entitled Zombi and cut by Dario Argento), Zombi 3 (an in-name-only sequel to Zombi 2) feels more like an action film with zombies and gore. Despite only being an in-name-only sequel, Zombi 3 has been hit hard with sequelitis, while any sequelitis, if any, is barely noticeable in Zombi 2 (maybe Zombi 2 is just a carrier?).
Though keep in mind that Lucio Fulci either butted heads with his producer or got sick while in the Philippines. And even before then, his original cut was 50 minutes cut down from 70 and any gaps in the runtime were filled by Bruno Mattei.
There's also a Zombi 4 and 5 (this is what they're called in the States), though they're less related to their predecessors. Though they're really just separate films.
I really hope to get these films on Blu-Ray in the future (currently have the Blue Underground DVD release of Zombi 2/Zombie, and the Media Blasters release of Zombi 3, which has a quality more akin to a bootleg).
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
Night of the Lawyers
There are posters for this movie, but they suck so *shrugs*
I went through a bit of a watch-list spree on Amazon a couple weeks ago and added a butt-ton of horror movies to the list. In doing so I came across this interesting oddity that I’d never heard of before.
Night of the Lawyers sounds like something that involves a bunch of zombie lawyers on a bloody rampage, but alas, tis untrue. Instead it’s about a big haired alien on a mission to find a missing fugitive, who arrives on earth riding a dirt bike powered by sparklers–
That’s gotta be, like, a quarter of the budget right there.
and who accidentally looses a item of mass destruction after inadvertently pissing off some drunken bikers (I’m not making this up).
The device doesn’t really react well to being accidentally wedged into one bikers hand and the alien flees. Right before the biker dies it winds up implanted onto the back of the head of Bob, of one of the ER surgeons trying to save him. Bob doesn’t take the abuse of the bikers idiot friends too kindly after doing everything he could to save their friend and, displaying sudden unusual strength, ends up shoving the fool away...and right towards a very unscrupulous ambulance chaser.
Feel free to call us if you want 40% of anything we get you.
Bob is, of course, sued and winds up loosing the case, even though the idiot is clearly faking his oh-so-traumatic injuries. This pisses Bob off and he follows his and the defense attorney to a bar, overhearing the two of them talking about a possible job opportunity at his firm for his former attorney. Something in Bob snaps and one blue strobe light later, the attorneys have disappeared.
Honestly, they probably just had a seizure and are convulsing on the floor.
Meanwhile, the alien finds out from his commanding officer (who he refers to as sir, but is clearly a woman) that the device he’s lost could end up destroying the entire species if he does, in fact, loose it (Oopsie). He then spends the rest of the movie ineptly attempting to retrieve it.
Night of the Lawyers is what would happen if you wanted to do a sci-fi spoof in the same vein as Airplane!, but only had enough money for three special effects, a bit of fake blood and a camera rental. It feels like something that was made in the 80’s, complements of the soundtrack and some interesting font choices
–but actually came in 1997. The whole thing feels like it was a made for TV movie, yet the swearing and female nudity prove otherwise. It’s villain, the evil Moriarty, is evil in the same vein that Dr. Evil is evil. He strikes an imposing figure, he’s got a secret bunker in the basement of the firm, there are trap doors and even an evil plan to fill the Senate and House with more, Gasp!, lawyers.
Mwa ha....ha?
But he ultimately ends up being pretty inept. He pushes the wrong death trap door and almost kills off the Attorney General and when he finally goes to confront Bob at the end, he chooses to bring along two idiotic nincompoops who nearly hurt themselves before they even make it past the curb.
Remember, these people went to Law School.
In short, this is not a movie that takes itself at all seriously. There are inside jokes at the expense of the characters, the alien keeps trying to make people look the other way so he can flee, there are comedic sound effects, there’s a detective who’s job it is to figure out why all the lawyers are missing yet hates them enough himself to start strangling one after he’s already dead
In all fairness, anyone who’s lost in a divorce case probably feels the same way.
I’m honestly a little confused how it made it into the horror section. It’s clearly a sci-fi comedy. There’s little blood and the only horrific thing to happen is the mass disappearance of lawyers across the country, so really the only person here this should terrify is prfsnl_gmr. Hell, even at the end when the protagonists are being surrounded with gun-totting idiots in the dark they don’t come across as all that concerned.
But even still, it’s an okay little flick. The budget is laughable and the characters even more-so (and not always in a good way.) But despite all that, and a few moments of crappy editing, you can also tell it’s got some heart to it and also a few moments that made me chuckle. If you get enjoyment out of Troma movies, feel free to give this one a shot.
Night of the Lawyers is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.
*Note: I would have liked to have added some background info about the movie, but I couldn’t find a damn thing about it, other than an IMDB page. So I had to screencap everything directly from Amazon and Youtube. All I’ve been able to discern, based on the video quality, is that I don’t think it’s ever made it past a VHS release.
There are posters for this movie, but they suck so *shrugs*
I went through a bit of a watch-list spree on Amazon a couple weeks ago and added a butt-ton of horror movies to the list. In doing so I came across this interesting oddity that I’d never heard of before.
Night of the Lawyers sounds like something that involves a bunch of zombie lawyers on a bloody rampage, but alas, tis untrue. Instead it’s about a big haired alien on a mission to find a missing fugitive, who arrives on earth riding a dirt bike powered by sparklers–
That’s gotta be, like, a quarter of the budget right there.
and who accidentally looses a item of mass destruction after inadvertently pissing off some drunken bikers (I’m not making this up).
The device doesn’t really react well to being accidentally wedged into one bikers hand and the alien flees. Right before the biker dies it winds up implanted onto the back of the head of Bob, of one of the ER surgeons trying to save him. Bob doesn’t take the abuse of the bikers idiot friends too kindly after doing everything he could to save their friend and, displaying sudden unusual strength, ends up shoving the fool away...and right towards a very unscrupulous ambulance chaser.
Feel free to call us if you want 40% of anything we get you.
Bob is, of course, sued and winds up loosing the case, even though the idiot is clearly faking his oh-so-traumatic injuries. This pisses Bob off and he follows his and the defense attorney to a bar, overhearing the two of them talking about a possible job opportunity at his firm for his former attorney. Something in Bob snaps and one blue strobe light later, the attorneys have disappeared.
Honestly, they probably just had a seizure and are convulsing on the floor.
Meanwhile, the alien finds out from his commanding officer (who he refers to as sir, but is clearly a woman) that the device he’s lost could end up destroying the entire species if he does, in fact, loose it (Oopsie). He then spends the rest of the movie ineptly attempting to retrieve it.
Night of the Lawyers is what would happen if you wanted to do a sci-fi spoof in the same vein as Airplane!, but only had enough money for three special effects, a bit of fake blood and a camera rental. It feels like something that was made in the 80’s, complements of the soundtrack and some interesting font choices
–but actually came in 1997. The whole thing feels like it was a made for TV movie, yet the swearing and female nudity prove otherwise. It’s villain, the evil Moriarty, is evil in the same vein that Dr. Evil is evil. He strikes an imposing figure, he’s got a secret bunker in the basement of the firm, there are trap doors and even an evil plan to fill the Senate and House with more, Gasp!, lawyers.
Mwa ha....ha?
But he ultimately ends up being pretty inept. He pushes the wrong death trap door and almost kills off the Attorney General and when he finally goes to confront Bob at the end, he chooses to bring along two idiotic nincompoops who nearly hurt themselves before they even make it past the curb.
Remember, these people went to Law School.
In short, this is not a movie that takes itself at all seriously. There are inside jokes at the expense of the characters, the alien keeps trying to make people look the other way so he can flee, there are comedic sound effects, there’s a detective who’s job it is to figure out why all the lawyers are missing yet hates them enough himself to start strangling one after he’s already dead
In all fairness, anyone who’s lost in a divorce case probably feels the same way.
I’m honestly a little confused how it made it into the horror section. It’s clearly a sci-fi comedy. There’s little blood and the only horrific thing to happen is the mass disappearance of lawyers across the country, so really the only person here this should terrify is prfsnl_gmr. Hell, even at the end when the protagonists are being surrounded with gun-totting idiots in the dark they don’t come across as all that concerned.
But even still, it’s an okay little flick. The budget is laughable and the characters even more-so (and not always in a good way.) But despite all that, and a few moments of crappy editing, you can also tell it’s got some heart to it and also a few moments that made me chuckle. If you get enjoyment out of Troma movies, feel free to give this one a shot.
Night of the Lawyers is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.
*Note: I would have liked to have added some background info about the movie, but I couldn’t find a damn thing about it, other than an IMDB page. So I had to screencap everything directly from Amazon and Youtube. All I’ve been able to discern, based on the video quality, is that I don’t think it’s ever made it past a VHS release.
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
Blue Monkey
No, there are no monkeys in this movie. There is some blue at least, but an alternate title was going to be Green Monkey, and that makes even less sense. In some regions this movie was called Invasion of the Bodysuckers, which sounds like a porno, while in Australia it was called Insect...which is actually exactly what it should have been called, because that's what it's about: a giant bug in a hospital.
An old woman gets a plant from a newly formed volcanic island in the Pacific, and the old guy who wants to date her cuts his finger on it. He then a) creates a new disease, and b) vomits up a maggot-like turd cocoon. His bones then melt, leading to a hilarious scene where doctors try to use a defibrillator on him only to end up with a blood explosion. As the disease spreads, the movie's CDC knock off quarantines the facility, while the doctors inside make the bad decision to open up the turd cocoon and release the bug inside, which some annoying child actors then feed growth hormone to. End result: everyone is trapped inside the hospital with a giant pregnant insect that spawns a fully grown mate to help protect it, and it wants to cocoon everyone and have its larvae feed on their still living bodies in what is described as an "intensely painful" way to die.
With this in mind, it's up to one of the doctors, a detective who's in the ER with his shot partner, an entomologist, and an annoying child actor whose character has leukemia to kill the giant bug, first using butane tanks as bombs and then finally killing it with a laser. Yes, if ever you wanted to see someone attack a 10-foot-tall praying mantis with a weaponized bug zapper, it happens in this film. It's just a shame you won't really see it, because apparently the budget was not high enough to cover things like lighting. You can watch this movie, but don't expect to actually see much of the action.
Anyway, so while folks are fighting the insect and considering having to keep it alive to create a vaccine for the mysterious virus, one enterprising doctor makes an important discovery with the help of two old ladies: getting liquored up will cure what ails you. Seriously, alcohol kills the virus, so getting drunk is how you fight it. I saw this same thing in an Irish horror/scifi/comedy once, only there it was an intentional joke. Here it's serious, they actually use Jack Daniels to cure the super bug which spawned from a super bug, and the whole thing is played straight.
Still, when you can see what is going on, it's not a terrible pseudo-Alien rip off. It's just hampered by...well, a lot. Lighting, kids, the script, etc. But hey, John Vernon is in it as a hospital director who acts kind of like that mayor in Jaws! That's a plus, right?
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noiseredux
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Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
^I've never heard of that (or Michi's recent picks). Y'all are scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. And I like it.
I finally watched The Dark Knight Rises over the weekend. It was a fine and serviceable send-off for the trilogy. But it was easily the weakest of the three movies. By a lot. I mean, I actually liked it quite a bit... but the other two were just amazing movies while this was just a good or maybe very good movie.
Bane was at least able to finally be seen as interesting in a movie. So that was nice. But he was certainly far less compelling than you know who in the preceding movie.
I'm wondering if there were originally possible plans to continue the series? Maybe JGL was supposed to go the Nightwing route in his own film before the DC Extended Universe reboot? Though the whole "real name... Robin" thing felt, I don't know. Shoehorned I guess. And the name he used wasn't Dick so again, shoehorned.
I finally watched The Dark Knight Rises over the weekend. It was a fine and serviceable send-off for the trilogy. But it was easily the weakest of the three movies. By a lot. I mean, I actually liked it quite a bit... but the other two were just amazing movies while this was just a good or maybe very good movie.
Bane was at least able to finally be seen as interesting in a movie. So that was nice. But he was certainly far less compelling than you know who in the preceding movie.
I'm wondering if there were originally possible plans to continue the series? Maybe JGL was supposed to go the Nightwing route in his own film before the DC Extended Universe reboot? Though the whole "real name... Robin" thing felt, I don't know. Shoehorned I guess. And the name he used wasn't Dick so again, shoehorned.
Re: What was the last movie you've seen?
Hey man, you know us. We're happy to watch some real crap. Speaking of which...noiseredux wrote:^I've never heard of that (or Michi's recent picks). Y'all are scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. And I like it.
The Chilling
Linda Blair runs while "Grizzly Adams" Dan Haggerty fights zombies released by lightning from their cryogenic slumber! An evil doctor is using a cryogenics lab as an organ harvesting plant to make money in Mexico! And cryogenics is really an act of Satan!
Here's a quick run down of the plot: the power goes out during a storm in the cryo facility, so the security guards take the thawing bodies outside because it's cooler out there to hopefully slow their thawing. Unfortunately the pods are struck by lighting, and since the preservation fluid in their veins is extremely conductive, it brings the frozen corpses back to life as the living dead, who can only truly die by being refrozen apparently. There's an odd attempt at adding a religious twist to this film about cryogenics being evil and opposed by God, yet thankfully this only appears in less than 5% of the film.
The rest of the movie focuses on a man with no emotions who has just lost his wife to natural causes and his son to bullets in a terrible bank robbery the son just so happened to be committing. Said emotionless man awkwardly tries to fight zombies and hits on a much younger Linda Blair while Grizzly Adams tries to turn on the power and does all the real work with a variety of weapons: a handgun, security car, liquid nitrogen, a shotgun... Hell, he even impales one with a forklift! It's unfortunate for Linda Blair and Grizzly Adams that they're much better actors than the rest of this film. As for 1950s heartthrob Troy Donahue, well, he pretty much just chews the scenery and then ends up shoved in a cryo pod, but he's delightfully creepy in his own way.
Then there are the zombies...which fail utterly beyond some interesting makeup. Most look like blackened and burned corpses, and these are ok, though they never seem quite sure if they're supposed to run or shuffle, think, moan, eat people or awkwardly wrestle them, or what. I mean, what the hell kind of zombies are these? They're inconsistent at best, and one in particular who has radically different makeup ends up grabbing a sword and walking around like he knows what he's doing with it. Come on guys, you're killing my suspension of disbelief! And when it's all over, we get a shot of a zombie sitting like it's about to drive a limousine. Ugh.
To top it all off, the movie then ends with a tongue-in-cheek sequence where each of the main characters has their future revealed, and yes, Dan Haggerty's involves a reference to his Grizzly Adams days.
The Chilling is a mess, and unfortunately well beneath the abilities of some of its leads. I blame the script, because I don't think the screenwriter really knew what he wanted out of it.