What is your retro video game spirit animal?

[Exhuminator]

If you can source REPO Man's retro VG spirit animal, your chakras are truly overclocked.

[J T]

Oh, great oracle, I too shall heed thy words!

"Dhalsim, what do you think prfsnl_gmr's spirit animal is?"

"Lawyers don't have spirits." he said before bursting into a loud belly laugh at his own lawyer joke. "I kid! I kid!"

"Very funny Dahl. I don't think I've ever heard you make a joke before. I didn't know you had it in you."

"As with most of life, there is much you do not understand." He replied and loudly laughed again.

"Oh ho! Zing! Ok, the jokes are a little less funny now that they're getting personal." I complained.

"Don't let personal insults rattle you. Keep good humor and laugh deep like the Buddha. Your ego is an impediment to your path. You must learn to drop it and embrace the comedy of being. Here let me help..." He then pulled me into a headlock, laughed, ground yoga nuggies into my skull with his knuckles, and then laughed some more.

While I was struggling to break free of the headlock, I was looking at the world upside down and between my legs, when from this twisted perspective I thouht I saw a rocket powered 1958 Ford Edsel drive by in a flash. I began to think about Maniac Mansion and Day of the Tentacle, and I broke into a helpless giggle fit. Dhalsim noticed I had ceased to struggle and he loosened his grip. "You are no longer thinking of yourself! Good! This is a fertile ground for harvesting the next retro game spirit animal."

"The Day of the Prfsnl is upon us!" I laughed, "prfsnl_gamer's retro gaming spirit animal is the Purple Tentacle!"



Prfsnl_gamer, you are an insane mutant who has developed vastly superior intelligence and is now hellbent on global domination. While some may debate the merits of a prfsnl_gamerocracy wherein you are the sole ruler of planet Earth, there are none who will deny that you are a man of intense ambition. You still manage to be funny about it though. You're as looney tunes as Mel Blanc. You pursue your goals with a zany seriousness that involves as much political maneuvering as it does cow tipping. You keep company with great intellects, like Dr. Fred Edison, but few can match your level of smarts. Your grand sweeping knowledge of United States history, politics, and law has given you the unique advantage when time-travelling of being able to successfully meddle with the future for your own political gain. A time traveller with a C- in History 101 would not have been able to disrupt the signing of the declaration of independence the way you did, nor convince Betsy Ross that the American flag should resemble a giant, dominating tentacle. You also can think on different planes and operate on the meta-level, much like how one could play a fully functional copy of Maniac Mansion installed on a Commodore 64 hidden inside of Day of the Tentacle. Continue to conquer the world if you must, but don't forget to make some comical references to the old horror movies you love, like when the Day of the Tentacle characters all entered the Chron-O-John at the same time and melded into a 3-headed homage to The Fly.

[prfsnl_gmr]

I love this! Absolutely perfect. Thanks, JT! Keep up the good, spiritual work.

[ElkinFencer10]

I feel that a void in my heart has been filled without my ever having known it was there. Thank you, senpai.

[J T]

How can I resist?

"JT! JT! Wake up JT!"

"zzz.... zzz..... GAH! What the hell Dhalsim! It's 3:00 in the morning!"

"JT we have to go find Gunstar Green's retro game spirit animal."

"You woke me up for that?! He's a Gunstar Hero. The green one specifically. Go back to bed. This one is obvious."

"Too obvious. Here, I brought you your hiking boots and a walking staff, we're going out to the hills."

"You gotta be kidding me."

"I am not. Get up." He then ripped off my bed sheets, wadded them into a ball, and yoga extended his arms to the ceiling so I could not take them back.

"Aw come onnnn! ...Alright! Fine! I'll get dressed."

We set off on an uphill trek. Dhalsim moved stealthily, slinking his lanky body around trees and brush, walking soft footed and quiet through the night, never speaking a word. I lumbered through the woods, snapping twigs under my oversized boots and bumping into tree branches in the dark, loudly cursing and complaining the whole time. "It's too cold... I'm sooo tired... I can't believe you dragged me out here.... my feet hurt... it's too dark... I think a mosquito bit me... are we there yet?"

We reached a clearing near the top of the hills. Once we finally emerged from under the thick canopy of the woods I could clearly see a full moon hanging in the sky, casting a milky pale light on the grassy field before us. As I gazed up at the starry sky, I suddenly felt warm gusts of air behind me. "Yoga flame! Yoga fire! Yoga flame!" The intense brightness of Dhalsim's special moves threw off my vision and it took a minute for my eyes to adjust again. Once I could see, I realized what he was doing.

"Dude! You yoga flamed us some S'mores! Awesome! Thanks Dhal! You're the best... *munch munch*... Oh man, the chocolate is just the right kind of gooey and the marshmallows are so toasty. MMmmm..."

The sugar buzz was just what I needed to help wake me up, but then my heart really kicked into gear when I saw two glowing eyes off in the bushes. Then two more. Then two more.

"Uhh... Dhalsim... do you see what I see."

The pack leader stepped forward, sniffing at the air, and then the rest of the wolves followed behind him.

"I knew the fire would draw their attention. Run!"
I quickly turned and bolted.

"Wrong way JT! Follow me!"
Dhalsim ran directly at the wolves.

"Are you nuts!?!" I yelped.

"Come!" he insisted

Against my better judgment, I put my faith in Dhalsim's communion with nature, and followed. The wolves moved into a sprint, running side by side with my bald Indian companion. I caught up with them and we ran through the fields. My heart was pounding. My eyes wide open. The dogs were panting and running, tongues wagging, and passing understood glances. Running with wolves, I felt more alive than I ever have before. I howled to the moon, and the rest of the pack joined me in unison, Dhalsim too.

An early morning fog rolled in through hills. We all ran into it. I could see nothing but grey haze, though I did not slow my pace. It suddenly got quiet. I had separated from the pack. When I emerged from the cloud I was at the summit and standing at the peak was Gunstar Green's spirit animal. Standing alone and proud, looking over the cliff's edge with his cybernetic arms glistening in moon beams, there stood Brad Fang, from Contra Hard Corps.



When people first see you they think "What the hell? What is a werewolf doing in my Contra game. There is no place for this other mythology inside of my '80s head-banded, muscley military men game of shooting up Ridley Scott alien wannabes!" But with a little time they quickly come to see how awesome you are with your cool guy shades and your gatling gun arm, and they realize "There ABSOLUTELY is a place for a werewolf in my muscley military men game!"

Though your Contra love can be found across many consoles, your home is a distinctly Genesis/MegaDrive affair. No one really knows your human form, and you prefer it that way. You even wear the shades for an added bit of personal distance. You're a tough guy to get close to with all of your close range weaponry, but for the right person, your heart burns with more intensity than your flame thrower arm. But your werewolf form gives you a certain kind of anonymity where you feel you can really let lose and be your best alien-asskicking self. During the day, when you're a human, you attend to your personal responsibilities and have one of those jobs like Chandler from Friends that nobody really seems to understand or remember because they love you most at night when you are a party animal on a hedonistic alien squishing rampage to tear up as much of the town with vulcan cannons, power punches, and psychic blasters as possible. For anyone who ever doubted your cool, "It's payback time!"

[Erik_Twice]

Amazing! Me, please! I don't want it to be a video game bee by default, those guys are assholes.

[Forlorn Drifter]

I... uhh... yeah, I'll need a little help even guessing on this one.

I need help, oh spiritual wonder man of the mountains, from lands exotic with spices I know not.

[TEKTORO]

I be the Owl no need to elaborate how awesome it is, part of the mystique.

[J T]

I feel like I have to know mine now.

On my way home today, as I walked up my driveway I noticed my game consoles were strewn across the front lawn. I saw a long pair of brown arms with hooped bracelets extend out the window and drop my Nintendo 64 into the heap.

"Dhalsim! What the hell are you doing!?"

His eyes were wide, as if in a manic state, and he spoke rapidly and pressured "I was inspired by noiseredux getting rid of all of his consoles and games. You can learn from him JT! Free yourself of material possessions! Don't you see? Your attachments attach you to the past. Break free! Live in the now! The Buddha's noble truths teach us that desire and attachment are the source of all suffering. Commit yourself to owning nothing and wanting nothing, and you will need nothing other than this present moment."

"But I don't really like what you're doing in this present moment Dhalsim. I would like to be free to keep my attachments, thank you very much." I seethed, failing to restrain my irritation. "I love my Nintendos and Playstations. And you better be able to attach those attachments back up to the TV because it took me forever to hook all that up! I don't want to be noiseredux. Besides, he's not really getting rid of everything, he just bought a super fancy new PC and doesn't want to associate with filthy console gaming peasants anymore. It's not as noble as you think. He goes through phases like this. Everyone knows he's just going to end up buying it all back later."

"Oh," he paused and reflected "Poor noiseredux. He lives a very conflicted life full of great torment."

"Yeah. I know. Planescape: Torment to be exact! That's what I was coming home to tell you. I had a vision that I died, but not the true death, and there were zombie slaves and a wisecracking flying skull... well, nevermind that. The point is I realized that noiseredux's retro game spirit animal is The Nameless One!"



The Nameless One can't remember his past, much like someone who has sold away all his once cherished possessions. He is brooding and dark, trying to figure himself out, though reliant on others to help him find himself. It is strange that noiseredux has gone from Gameboy boy to PC man, and it leaves one to ask the same question that plagues the Nameless One's mind: "What can change the nature of a man?" He is teased and taunted relentlessly by Morte, his flying skull companion, which he takes in with good humor knowing it is all in jest, much as noiseredux tolerates the ribbings he gets from us racketboy members who kid him because we love him.

The Nameless One walks comfortably among the dustmen and undead of the in-limbo Mortuary of the netherworld, never flinching at horrific scenes of gore, depravity, and torture, much like a certain someone with an obsession for horror movies. He also spends time investigating the filthy slums of the Sigil plane and listening to the rambling dialogue of lowlifes with the same kind of patience it takes to power through a stack of horrible B grade movies recommended by Ack. He seems to find an interest in almost everything, hoping if he listens enough to whoever and whatever, he will find more clues to understanding himself. For the Nameless One this means listening to night hags, sorcerers, and zombie slaves; whereas for noiseredux this more likely means listening to obscure jazz, underground hip hop, and the ramblings of an unusual online soothsayer and his Street Fighting mentor.

As noiseredux begins to take on his new identity as a PC gamer, it is only appropriate that his spirit animal come from one of history's greatest PC RPGs. Also, since noiseredux has more posts on the forums than anyone else (with at least a 10,000 post lead) it is only suitable that he also be represented by one of the most text heavy role playing games of all time. But as for noise as it is for Planescape: Torment, it is not just that there is a lot of writing, but there is a lot of quality writing. Cheers, Nameless One!

[noiseredux]

Holy shit.

CitizenKaneClap.gif

Thank you. It's like you reached into my soul. Haha.