What was the last movie you've seen?

[noiseredux]

[Ack]

[Luke]

Hugging you with my brain right now.

Did you know Alice Cooper was Keanu Reeves babysitter? For reals.

[Ack]

Devil Story

Another one for the bottom five. Devil Story makes Violent Shit look as good as Schindler's List.

I'm still trying to understand this plot, so please be understanding over how odd this will sound:

Some guy dressed as Peter Boyle in a Nazi uniform grunts a lot and murders people. Then a lady gets attacked by a magic cat when her car breaks down. The lady and her boyfriend stop at an old mansion during a storm to the sweet sound of organ music, and the old couple that run the place and don't get many visitors tell them about a shipwreck off the coast a century ago. Suddenly, Satan horse shows up. The lady follows the old man outside, where she bumps into the Peter Boyle knock-off and his mother totally putting corpses back into graves. Then a mummy shows up. Satan horse kicks Peter Boyle in the head, and the lady impales Peter Boyle's mother with a gate. The mummy shows up and finds his girlfriend. The lady runs from wounded Peter Boyle and lights him on fire. The lady finds the old man fighting Satan horse. Satan horse wonders why he even showed up and gets the hell out of the movie. The mummy shows up with his girlfriend and kills the old man. The lady takes the old man's shotgun and shoots an exploding barrel, only to discover...IT'S ALL A DREAM SEQUENCE. The lady gets out of bed, leaves the mansion, and finds the sign of the lost ship, but the magic cat suddenly divekicks her straight outta WWF. The Earth eats her like it was snacking on a SlimJim. More people show up, including a guy with a mullet. The movie ends. I officially hate France now.

Ok...that is what happened. Why it happened...I don't know. Why it had to involve the lady continuously screaming while the old man fires off his shotgun and babbles at whinnying Satan horse all night, I don't know. Where the mummy came from, I don't know. What Peter Boyle has to do with all this, I don't know. Why Peter Boyle wore a Nazi outfit, I don't know. What I do know is that this movie came from France, and the only real moment of competence is that the movie had opening titles and end credits. Everything else was a clusterfuck, from the awkward camerawork to the bad special effects, to whatever that was that claimed to be a plot. The acting was hideous, as was the dialogue, and whoever did the audio work should be beaten to death with a tack hammer for all of the damage you just did to my eardrums.

You know what? Hell of the Living Dead is looking pretty good right about now. Because Devil Story makes Uwe Boll look like Stanley Kubrick.

[REPO Man]

[Ack]

Ninja Terminator

That poster makes no sense. None of that is in this movie.

Three students of the Ninja Empire have stolen the three pieces of a golden statue which provide invincibility to whoever controls it. Now the Ninja Empire is after them, but the three students have their own men at play who fight each other like mobsters and never meet because they're in a completely different movie. But that's ok, because in the end there is a three-way ninja fight, with bombs and teleportation and so much eye-liner!

This is one of Godfrey Ho's finest, or perhaps most stereotypical. Everything about this movie is a knock off, from the stolen music(including from the likes of A Clockwork Orange) to the stolen title(Terminator, seriously), to the stolen footage(from a Korean film released in 1984 called Uninvited Guest. Who knew the uninvited guest was a ninja?!). And when it's not stolen for this picture, it's Richard Harrison wearing a camouflage ninja outfit that would make any redneck deer hunter proud and more eyeliner than a goth kid as he baseball swings his katana and totally flips out. But he's not the most ridiculous thing about this movie.

This guy is:



Yes, he walks around in a lady's wig for most of the movie. When he finally removes it...IT'S ON! The original film Uninvited Guest was some kind of taekwondo version of a kung fu film, and it delivers that same kind of style with way more kicks. I'm actually interested in trying to track it down now as a result of seeing those fight scenes. But those are just window dressing for the ninjas, who communicate via children's toys and keying each other's cars.

Oh, and Richard Harrison loves steamed crabs.

BEWARE THE NINJA EMPIRE!

[marurun]

Ninja Terminator

That poster makes no sense. None of that is in this movie.

Three students of the Ninja Empire have stolen the three pieces of a golden statue which provide invincibility to whoever controls it. Now the Ninja Empire is after them, but the three students have their own men at play who fight each other like mobsters and never meet because they're in a completely different movie. But that's ok, because in the end there is a three-way ninja fight, with bombs and teleportation and so much eye-liner!

This is one of Godfrey Ho's finest, or perhaps most stereotypical. Everything about this movie is a knock off, from the stolen music(including from the likes of A Clockwork Orange) to the stolen title(Terminator, seriously), to the stolen footage(from a Korean film released in 1984 called Uninvited Guest. Who know the uninvited guest was a ninja?!). And when it's not stolen for this picture, it's Richard Harrison wearing a camouflage ninja outfit that would make any redneck deer hunter proud and more eyeliner than a goth kid as he baseball swings his katana and totally flips out. But he's not the most ridiculous thing about this movie.

This guy is:



Yes, he walks around in a lady's wig for most of the movie. When he finally removes it...IT'S ON! The original film Uninvited Guest was some kind of taekwondo version of a kung fu film, and it delivers that same kind of style with way more kicks. I'm actually interested in trying to track it down now as a result of seeing those fight scenes. But those are just window dressing for the ninjas, who communicate via children's toys and keying each other's cars.

Oh, and Richard Harrison loves steamed crabs.

BEWARE THE NINJA EMPIRE!

Ninja Terminator was nominated in the Smithee Awards for 4 categories and won 2 of them. It won in the Mega Meta for one of those as well.

http://www.smitheeawards.com/film_detai ... ilm_ID=399

[MrPopo]

See, with a name like Ninja Terminator I expect it to be about Arnold trying to be stealthy.

[Cronozilla]

At the end of the day, isn't stealth really just making sure no one is alive to make noise?

I watched Cloud Atlas yesterday. I enjoyed it.

[noiseredux]

At the end of the day, isn't stealth really just making sure no one is alive to make noise?

to make me what?