Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Vant3c]

I get the sense that the OP does want to talk about this with his wife, just doesn't know how to do so...maybe?

I can also imagine other scenarios where it might be something you don't want to talk to your wife or significant other about, or aren't sure how to, or would be curious to know how other people handled things in similar situations. Surely you can think of scenarios where immediately speaking about things even with your closest partner might be a difficult or even perilous thing to do, no? In those instances, where would you turn?

I have already spoke with my wife about getting rid of all but one and she explain that she does not know if that would be good enough for her to come back. She thinks its a time issue but I don't spend 5+ hours a day playing them. I spend less than 2 hours playing them when I can. I do spend time with her but maybe how I spend that time is the issue. I think some people not all romanticize what marriage should be and in reality; marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living. That is my personal opinion. I love being married to my wife so please understand that.

[Exhuminator]

it seems that this a very conflicting conversation to have amongst the greater community so far

Ha ha, well that's why we come to forums right? Different opinions and strong feelings that rub against our own preconceived notions? If everybody agreed with everybody else this place would be very boring.

And while I do believe we should be responsible for our own relationships, sometimes a person doesn't have the psychological toolkit or experience yet to handle an issue properly. There's no harm in seeking out a third party to help get a grasp on a tricky situation without causing it to implode.

[jp1]

My wife. Wouldn't even reach out to my immediate family. Once married, you are in your own committed relationship and responsible for it. No offense to the OP, but the day I reach out to people I don't know for marriage advice is the day I know my marriage is over.

I just talk to my wife directly, I've been lucky in that regard.

I get the sense that the OP does want to talk about this with his wife, just doesn't know how to do so...maybe?

I can also imagine other scenarios where it might be something you don't want to talk to your wife or significant other about, or aren't sure how to, or would be curious to know how other people handled things in similar situations. Surely you can think of scenarios where immediately speaking about things even with your closest partner might be a difficult or even perilous thing to do, no? In those instances, where would you turn?

Nope, sorry Dave. If it's important I go directly to my wife for a discussion. I'm not sure what type of situations you are talking about, perhaps if you elaborate it would be something I could get on board with.



To me, taking important relationship stuff such as this to a random third party who will only be hearing your side is a perilous situation. Not to mention disrespectful of the wife and marriage, sorry Vant3ch...that's just my opinion.

[Luke]

I have already spoke with my wife about getting rid of all but one and she explain that she does not know if that would be good enough for her to come back. She thinks its a time issue but I don't spend 5+ hours a day playing them. I spend less than 2 hours playing them when I can. I do spend time with her but maybe how I spend that time is the issue. I think some people not all romanticize what marriage should be and in reality; marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living. That is my personal opinion. I love being married to my wife so please understand that.

What say you now, Jmustang?

[dsheinem]

Nope, sorry Dave. If it's important I go directly to my wife for a discussion. I'm not sure what type of situations you are talking about, perhaps if you elaborate it would be something I could get on board with.

I would guess that, unless you've encountered it already, you probably wouldn't recognize that there could be a situation where the thought of talking to your wife first about the issue would seem exceedingly difficult.

[jp1]

I get the sense that the OP does want to talk about this with his wife, just doesn't know how to do so...maybe?

I can also imagine other scenarios where it might be something you don't want to talk to your wife or significant other about, or aren't sure how to, or would be curious to know how other people handled things in similar situations. Surely you can think of scenarios where immediately speaking about things even with your closest partner might be a difficult or even perilous thing to do, no? In those instances, where would you turn?

I have already spoke with my wife about getting rid of all but one and she explain that she does not know if that would be good enough for her to come back. She thinks its a time issue but I don't spend 5+ hours a day playing them. I spend less than 2 hours playing them when I can. I do spend time with her but maybe how I spend that time is the issue. I think some people not all romanticize what marriage should be and in reality; marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living. That is my personal opinion. I love being married to my wife so please understand that.

Sounds like you aren't getting the same thing from your marriage as I do. Maybe that's the problem. I don't romanticize marriage as something more than it is at all, sometimes it is hard work. Still, "the sun rises and sets with her". This issue would be so trivial in my marriage that I don't really know how to proceed in a constructive way any longer.

Personally, and this is not meant to insult those with differing opinions, I would be ashamed and embarrassed to tell people that video games ended my marriage. It just sounds childish (to me). There is the principle of the whole thing, but even this sounds like a mutual fault at best. I wish you the best, do whatever makes you happy, life is too short to do anything else.

[Vant3c]

Not to mention disrespectful of the wife and marriage, sorry Vant3ch...that's just my opinion

That's fair but we have already talked about it and gone over what would work for her and myself but she still can not come to a fair compromise. So yes I have spoke with my wife as carefully as possible and been very direct to her but she can not give me a solid answer. That is where the marriage counselor will come in I hope to help sort out the issues.

Now you are right to say it would be very disrespectful if i did not come to her first but here instead but that's not the case or point. I have talked to her and explained how I feel about all of this.

[Luke]

marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living.

Wow.

No.

That outlook and view of marriage is so sad I have no quip for it. I doubt counseling will help you if you don't feel like you're on a cloud whilst around your wife. Marriage should be anything but mundane. Not that I'm flabbergasted that some people feel that way, but I am a tad knocked back that someone would type it out.

[jp1]

Nope, sorry Dave. If it's important I go directly to my wife for a discussion. I'm not sure what type of situations you are talking about, perhaps if you elaborate it would be something I could get on board with.

I would guess that, unless you've encountered it already, you probably wouldn't recognize that there could be a situation where the thought of talking to your wife first about the issue would seem exceedingly difficult.

Give me some sort of example Dave. I can't believe you of all people are being vague. Are we talking health issues, infidelity, finances, what?



If I haven't felt the need in fifteen years through raising three kids and dealing with health and financial setbacks, I just don't see it happening. My wife is my best friend, who better to confide in? She knows when something is on my mind, sometimes before I've even fully processed it. It would be a straight lie to tell her "no, it's nothing" and go to an outside source. That is something I just won't do.

[Vant3c]

I have already spoke with my wife about getting rid of all but one and she explain that she does not know if that would be good enough for her to come back. She thinks its a time issue but I don't spend 5+ hours a day playing them. I spend less than 2 hours playing them when I can. I do spend time with her but maybe how I spend that time is the issue. I think some people not all romanticize what marriage should be and in reality; marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living. That is my personal opinion. I love being married to my wife so please understand that.

put we with some of those "I's" and the sentence falls apart. This is my perspective that I am talking about so buddy give that a rest. Because pointing out "I" makes no sense in what you are trying to even accomplish OK.