Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Gunstar Green]

It comes down to relationships being about mutual happiness. Yes you should make sacrifices and compromises but only to the point where it's reasonable and doesn't legitimately make you resent the other person.

As it's been said I don't know who's really at fault here because I'm not hearing from both sides. Most likely both parties need to make an effort here. Regardless, life's too short to be miserable and way too short to be in relationships that make you miserable.

[Vant3c]

How would you feel if your wife told you she didn't like your best friend Bob and you spend too much time golfing with him? And then she said you had to stop being friends with Bob because he's taking up too much of your time and she never liked Bob anyway. Despite the fact Bob is a friend you've had since childhood. Tough cookies, lose Bob or you lose me the wife says. Is that not a ridiculous demand? Well replace Bob with "Nintendo" and there you go.

If OP actually gave up video games completely to make his wife happy, he would still harbor repressed anger about the issue just beneath the surface. Chances are this would evolve into a whole new problem like intermittent anger disorder for him.

Spending too much time on a hobby at the expense of your wife is disrespectful. I agree. But trying to command absolute control of your husband's free time and personal hobbies is just as disrespectful. You guys who say you would just give in to your wife's demands no questions asked because love is more important than my own needs and la dee dah will slowly create a tyrant where your wife used to be.

I have to a point; agree with this. I grew up with gaming but it was more than just something to keep me distracted. I have meet a lot of good friends through gaming over the years and built up a lot of fond memories of playing games with my friends over the years. Some of my best friends now are ones who enjoy the hobby as much as me. I don't think my wife would become a tyrant as you would say but it is a fair point to consider for any and everybody.

[Luke]

Didn't take long for this thread to be riddled with bad advice and opinions.

[dsheinem]

Nothing against the OP and I certainly understand the relevance of his post given the core issue, but I am always a bit surprised when people reach out to a community of internet folks for relationship advice. So I am curious...

Is seeking advice from a place like RB (or specific members) something that most of you would feel comfortable doing when confronting potential issues/concerns in your own marriages/relationships? Maybe only if games enter into those concerns? If you wouldn't be inclined to talk to internet folks about it, who do you think you would reach out to instead? I suppose there is some comfort in relative anonymity or distance - people here who don't know both you and your partner...but I also wonder if someone who knows both people "IRL" might be a better go to option (maybe it is a worse one?).

[Luke]

Is seeking advice from a place like RB (or specific members) something that most of you would feel comfortable doing when confronting potential issues/concerns in your own marriages/relationships?

If you wouldn't be inclined to talk to internet folks about it, who do you think you would reach out to instead?

No. Never.

My wife. Wouldn't even reach out to my immediate family. Once married, you are in your own committed relationship and responsible for it. No offense to the OP, but the day I reach out to people I don't know for marriage advice is the day I know my marriage is over.

[Exhuminator]

Is seeking advice from a place like RB (or specific members) something that most of you would feel comfortable doing when confronting potential issues/concerns in your own marriages/relationships?

Considering the overall maturity level and life experience quota of this forum, and the high intelligence of a few key members, I wouldn't have a problem seeking advice here for all sorts of things.

I suppose there is some comfort in relative anonymity

Well someone may already know how their friends and family feel about a personal matter, so they believe they know what said friends and family would say concerning it. But coming to a forum like this and asking about the issue almost guarantees you'd get some new ideas to mull over. So it's more the seeking out of fresh objective opinions that drives people to discuss personal matters here I assume.

[jp1]

I think perhaps on this particular issue OP feels more likely to have their position validated, which has already occurred. It almost seems as if that was the point, rather than real constructive advice. Most advice, and there were a lot of differing points, was not met with a response.



Key, Luke, Noise, Fast, Sarge, and yourself spoke largely about compromise, yet it is the "forget that junk, divorce!" posts that see the most response. Real world folks are far less likely to support the ten plus hours of video gaming. As Luke has pointed out, it is viewed by many as a slack hobby.



I just talk to my wife directly, I've been lucky in that regard. If the situation was different I don't know if I'd be looking for advice here on Racketboy. Or any other internet source. These things usually need mediation with both parties, not a biased interjection from strangers.



Sorry, Vant3ch to speak about you rather than directly to you. I'm finding it hard to relate, and frankly understand you. I mean this with sincerity and not as an insult, is English your second language? Your phrasing is throwing me off is why I ask.

[Vant3c]

I have already reached out to My parents, friends and family members and have told them our issues that we have been having. They have all told me that they hope we can work it out but it would be unfair to ask you to give up you hobby or passion. Lots of them have said that to me.

Now the reason I have reached out to the community and asked this question was to see how some of you dealt, comprised or came to another arrangement for this situation. We are both today going to our first marriage counseling to better help the issues at hand. My wife is not a bad person but she has done things that I don't agree with but I have forgave her of her transgressions to me and vice verse.

All this question posed was to see how and what people would do, did or would not do to feel what would be fair considering the question at hand. I don't seek out internet help all the time but seeking out a community with experience to get a idea of what maybe to do. I'm sure a lot of you can understand that but it seems that this a very conflicting conversation to have amongst the greater community so far.

It sounds to a point that I am not alone in this type of thoughts that I have about all of this.

[dsheinem]

My wife. Wouldn't even reach out to my immediate family. Once married, you are in your own committed relationship and responsible for it. No offense to the OP, but the day I reach out to people I don't know for marriage advice is the day I know my marriage is over.

I just talk to my wife directly, I've been lucky in that regard.

I get the sense that the OP does want to talk about this with his wife, just doesn't know how to do so...maybe?

I can also imagine other scenarios where it might be something you don't want to talk to your wife or significant other about, or aren't sure how to, or would be curious to know how other people handled things in similar situations. Surely you can think of scenarios where immediately speaking about things even with your closest partner might be a difficult or even perilous thing to do, no? In those instances, where would you turn?

[jp1]

It's fair to assume you are not alone in your view. It is also fair to assume that there is no direct correlation between someone agreeing with you and you being right or wrong. You must weigh all the advice subjectively, which is hard when it's personal, but important if you really want to save your marriage.

Says another random guy on the internet.