racketboy.com

pepharytheworm wrote:Can people not see how #Notallmen was undermining the issue that even though not all men are misogynistic #Yesallwomen have to deal with misogyny everyday.

If you are a good guy then you are a good guy, why be defensive and dismissive of other's distresses that is a worldwide problem. Be a good guy by making a hash tag condemning these misogynistic behaviors first. Notallmen is a reflective statement not a productive one.

Replace misogynists with islamic terrorists and replace the #Notallmen crowd with your average muslim.

Heck if you want to be mean spirited you could make a hashtag against gold diggers, and I'm pretty sure many women would get offended and create a counter hashtag.

At the end of the day when you call a big group something bad people will get offended and start being defensive. I'm sure it doesn't help your cause to insult the people you are trying to approach.

[redacted]

pepharytheworm wrote:Domestic abuse period is terrible and shouldn't be tolerated but because of the patriarchy it makes it much easier for males to escape.

Let's not turn this into a competition to see whose abuse is more important, please

General_Norris wrote:

pepharytheworm wrote:Domestic abuse period is terrible and shouldn't be tolerated but because of the patriarchy it makes it much easier for males to escape.

Let's not turn this into a competition to see whose abuse is more important, please

It is about making it equally easy to get out of the situation. There is no competition here. Why would this be a competition, what would they win?

If you bring domestic abuse into it, a whole 'nother can of worms gets opened, one I think we've covered on this site before. (It had statistics with female-on-male and male-on-female abuse, and pointed the fact that, while women do tend to get abused more, the majority of abused men don't report it for fear of how they will be received. There was also statistics about women choosing much more violent attacks, and more often tend to kill. Not trying to say anything, but if I remember correctly, those were some we went over.)

One thing on the male rape thing that has always bothered me is how female on male rape is treated, seeing as one guy I know, who has had one of the roughest lives I know of, had it happen and was never really treated correctly by others about it. It happened multiple times with the same woman, involving date rape drugs on some occasions and physical rape in others, and everybody just laughed it off like it was no big deal. If anything, I think support groups and such for male rape victims should be promoted. Not necessarily any kind of male movement, but that at the least.

pepharytheworm wrote:It is about making it equally easy to get out of the situation.

I think your idea of rape comes mostly from movies instead of real life.

Seeing dead men stacked up like that, sends shivers up the spine doesn't it? What a waste of life. I hope the conflict doesn't get bloodier than it already is.

Btw, the libertarian I mentioned in my original post has done an episode regarding this incident. It'll be interesting to read opinions concerning his take on it (if you can be bothered)
http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Freedoma ... Rodger.mp3

pepharytheworm wrote:Domestic abuse period is terrible and shouldn't be tolerated but because of the patriarchy it makes it much easier for males to escape.

Well, thank you for belittling my abuse. That may well not have been what you meant, but it is how it came off, and I do feel personally insulted. I am sorry I brought up my own situation at all. I thought it would be a mistake to mention it, simply because I feel humiliated to even admit it to myself. It seems I was right.

For the record, if anything, the patriarchy and perception of male norms kept me from seeking help. The scars on my arms from her fingernails were things I wrongfully believed weren't as bad as they really are. And when I finally decided to do seek help after seven years, she talked me out of it and then dumped me to fuck someone else. But you're right. I should have just been able to walk away so easily.

Fuck this. I don't even want to look at this board right now. And I sure as shit don't want to talk about this anymore.

@Ack
My post was not directed at you or your comments. I didn't say all males have it easier but statistically it is harder for women to escape, abuse is hard for everyone. You admit the patriarchy is to some degree at fault. I am not belittling your abuse. If that was the case I am belittling my own abuse and my own scars. My reasoning for letting it continue was mental not financial, but not everyones circumstances are the same. You even agree the mental aspsect caused by the patriarchy kept you from seeking help too. That's one of the reasons I am feminist. I believe women gaining equal rights will cause a egalitarian society which will stop the patriarchy, which in turn is a large part of the abuse that you and I experienced and why it was hard to get out.

My abuse became so bad I destroyed every picture of myself I had and tried to commit suicide. I ended up being institutionalized. When I got out I went right back to her. Something finally clicked and I left her. I ended up crashing at various peoples houses for years until my brother invited me to live with him in Atlanta. I met another woman, I loved her dearly, I thought she loved me too. In truth she was apathetic towards me. I was just a way for her to have financial stability and move out from her mother's house. We were together for 9 years, in that time she cheated on me with 3 other men and tried to with 2 others. She even moved with me to Huntsville. I thought I was the problem, not being able to make enough to support her the way she wanted and just not good enough. When she finally left me I gave her everything and even helped her find an apartment, a job and gave her my car. And even latter when she got pregnant from dating around I paid for her abortion. I have only recently as in the last two months been able to completely remove myself from her. I could get into what my mother did to me but I am just not ready to disclose that part of my life.

Ack, I understand abuse and wouldn't marginalize others abuse. That was not my intent. I am sorry if I offended you. But I feel very stongly about equal rights being better for all, right now women are at a bigger disadvantage than the average male and need a lot more effort to be at equal standing. That doesn't mean men being abused is excusable or should be tolerated. A lot of men think they have it just as bad or have a me to attitude when ever women's rights are discussed and all that does is deflect away the issues. Its the same as a white person in the U.S.A. saying racism affects them the same way as PoC. That is just not true. A white person can remove himself from it much easier, where as PoC cannot.

But again sorry if I hurt you, hopefuly you can see where I am coming from.

pepharytheworm wrote:My post was not directed at you or your comments. I didn't say all males have it easier but statistically it is harder for women to escape, abuse is hard for everyone.

Please, don't repeat this. Even if you have the best intentions all this comes across is as "your abuse is not as important as mine" which is awful, awful, awful. Beyond awful. Ack shared his long history of abuse, seven fucking years of abuse and your first response was "Oh yeah, I'm sorry for you, but you are a man so I'm not that sorry".

It's like telling a beggar that he's privileged. Even in the case you were "right" which I really don't agree with, it's such a dick move. You are talking over Ack, dude, he told you he felt betrayed by sharing his experienec and then you kept talking about your own experience and a "My abuse is more important" frame. You wouldn't tell a girl that was only raped once something like this, don't do it with men.

And no, men don't have it easier because they on average have more money, that's awfully reductive. Men don't have the ring of support female victims have, there are barely any shelters that accept men, they get little to no sympathy and in many places their rape is not even considered rape from a legal standpoint at all. All the awful stuff that rape victims "deserved it" or "secretly enjoyed it" is magnified for male rape to a ludicrous degree and even people who might be concerned with the topic tend to make them feel by crap by telling them their abuse isn't actually that important which is exactly, what you have done here even if you didn't mean to.

I mean, even after apologizing you say this:

A lot of men think they have it just as bad or have a me to attitude when ever women's rights are discussed and all that does is deflect away the issues.

YOU ARE FUCKING TELLING A VICTIM OF ABUSE THAT YOU CAN'T CONSIDER THEIR ABUSE TO BE "AS BAD" BECAUSE IT DEFLECTS AWAY FROM "THE ISSUES".

WHAT FUCKING ISSUES ARE THOSE THAT ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN LISTENING TO A FUCKIN' ABUSE VICTIM WITHOUT MINIMISING THEIR PAIN YOU DUMBASS?

You are part of the problem. You are being part of that famous "rape culture".