When Does Collecting Become a Problem?

[dsheinem]

There was a point when I had hundreds of games for many systems, shelved like a library with crates of systems and controllers. My wife (then girlfriend) never had any major issues with it since I at least kept it all in my office area of the house. It never bled out into the rest of the house. I had a couple of major revelations which made me completely change my collecting habits. First, I got addicted to watching "Clean House" on Style. Basically, they deal with families who are not crazy enough to be on "Hoarders," but on their way there. I realized that I was surrounded by many games that I would never play, or had played once and will likely never play again. Basically, their function had gone from being something fun to play to being something to sit on a shelf. Second, my dad died a few years ago. He had a MASSIVE library of CDs (tens of thousands), books (thousands if not tens of thousands), and LPs (hundreds). When he died, I was left to deal with inheriting piles and piles of things that I had neither the interest nor space to keep. I didn't want to develop the sorts of habits that create that kind of burden for my prospective family.

I started by selling off the games and systems that I knew I would never play. Then I got rid of the ones that I had played but won't play again. Then I trimmed it down to my absolute favorite games. Then, I came to the realization that most of my favorite games could be replaced with digital copies from the Virtual Console, PSN, or Steam, so the physical copies went out the window. Next, I got rid of anything for a system that couldn't be emulated, such that if I REALLY wanted to play those games I would have an outlet for them. By the time I was done, I had my Wii and PS3, for digital library access and modern games, and my Saturn.

The only console I collect for is my Saturn. Being focused on a particular system allows me to explore the depth of the available library as opposed to the breadth over many systems. Also, it seriously restricts how much space it takes up. For anything else, I can go digital should I get the urge to play it, either through legitimate or illegitimate means.

These were all preemptive strikes against collecting becoming a problem, and I am happy about it. If your collecting starts to become a strain on your relationships, you may have a problem (though it might not be the collection).

There's a lot of what you describe here that I could see myself doing at some point...and "burden to family to sort through" is a very noble reason to make that decision.

[Hatta]

The problem with this mentality is that it encourages people to leave at the drop of the hat because their mate is not the beacon of perfection they expected. It goes without saying: everyone has their "vice" or hobby that's going to compete for attention in a relationship, obviously this guy just wants to enjoy some time alone and he feels guilty, thanks to the nagging from his mate.

She said it made her feel worthless. And hey, she's registered on a retro gaming forum, so I doubt she's unsympathetic to him wanting some game time. That makes it seem a little more serious than just wanting some time alone, which is a totally valid desire. It also sounds like he's not really listening to her, which is another bad sign. It's not OK for her to feel worthless and for him to not do anything about that.

Guys are kind of dense about this sort of stuff, and women have a tendency to be a little oblique, expecting men to pick up on hints. So even if you spoke to him about it, he may not quite get it. Don't be afraid to explicitly say "I am not getting what I need out of this relationship." and proceed to explain what you need. Making your needs known is not nagging.

[cookie monster]

The problem with this mentality is that it encourages people to leave at the drop of the hat because their mate is not the beacon of perfection they expected. It goes without saying: everyone has their "vice" or hobby that's going to compete for attention in a relationship, obviously this guy just wants to enjoy some time alone and he feels guilty, thanks to the nagging.

Considering half the collection is mine and I introduced him to RB, as well as spending
a ton of cash on games and systems for him. Nobody is perfect or settling in our
relationship.
As for leaving when it gets tough that's bullshit he stood by me
when I tried to kill myself a week after we started dating.
I find your comment of me nagging to be bull as well when all I ask for is a hug before he goes to play.

[mjmjr25]

Let's not be internet therapists on a video game forum, isn't going to work.

No relationship is perfect and trying to sort it out in text w/strangers is gonna get some folks butthurt and otherwise offended, as is starting to happen.

I know fox and cookie pretty well (as far as internet friends go) and they have a great relationship and love each other unconditionally. We all fight and nag about things.

[mas]

I just read all 8 pages of this thread. I tell you I'm glad I'm selling my cartrige stuff. I only collect dreamcast. The ps2 has everything I ever need. Shmups, 2d and 3d fighters, arcade, mega man's, sega genesis, neo geo,sports, etc. I own a modded xbox so all my console and arcade fix is there. And my psp I'm going to downsize to only stuff I play.
It's going to be nice to downsize. Not only that but my collection will go to you guys who loves videogames and the money that I get is going right to my kids and wife for summer vacation.

[foxhound1022]

Everything she has said about me is totally justified.

I think she more or less wanted to see how other people would view the situation and interject their own opinions. Hatta, I do respect your opinions and take the criticism you have offered in hopefully a constructive manner, so as I can work a valid solution to the issue at hand.

As far as Cookie being vague in any manner; nope. She is one of the most straightforward people I know, and isn't afraid at all to say what's on her mind.
So with that being known, I can honestly say that the backlash isn't undeserved.

I know that I have a very obsessive/addictive personality, so anything I enjoy I do to excess. Plus being that I've always been somewhat of a social misfit, I am used to the idea of being by myself.

With all this being said, I love her no matter what; so maybe this bit of a dick-punch to my ego is what I needed to realize that I simply need to make time to do things with her that she purely enjoys.

Thanks to anyone who offered any help to those who may not even realize that they need it. This is just another example of why this place is branded as a community of gamers and enthusiasts who truly care about one another.

[MrPopo]

Let's not be internet therapists on a video game forum, isn't going to work.

I'm sensing some latent hostility. Tell me about your relationship with your mother.

[Hatta]

Awesome Foxhound. I should say that I've had to put some extra work into my relationship recently for similar issues. Not exactly gaming related, but communication in general. My GF is a bit less forthright and that lead to her feeling quite neglected before I found out exactly what was going on. We're a lot better now, and I learned a lot through the experience. So that's why I felt concerned when I saw cookie make statements that sounded very familiar. All the best to both of you.