Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[dogman91]

Reading this thread makes me never want to get married.

[jp1]

I didn't weigh in on his feelings at all. I expressed an opinion, the same as you and every other person in the thread has. Different strokes, but I do know a thing or two about making a long term and happy marriage work. Whether that aligns with popular opinion on this site is of little concern to me.

Once again, I don't need to kowtow to my wife. It is mutual love and respect that is responsible for that. Part of mutual love and respect is not placing something as arbitrary as video games in higher regard than my wife and family.

I am with you to a degree. But also part of love and respect would be to allow your spouse to enjoy their hobbies as long as doing so wasn't dangerous or hazardous. Asking someone to stop would be infringing on that respect aspect.

I think focusing on it's just games is missing the point. It is really any enjoyable hobby such as reading, or fishing, or stamp collecting etc...

I get what you're saying. I agree as well, I just feel that with a healthy relationship those issues sort of work themselves out. If not, then like I was saying "bigger problems". Perhaps it would have gone over better if I encouraged a compromise. My personal valuation of gaming is certainly not going to align with many others here.

[Exhuminator]

A healthy relationship is built on compromises, not ultimatums.

[jp1]

A healthy relationship is built on compromises, not ultimatums.

Ultimatums are what happens when both parties aren't willing to compromise. Rarely is the problem singular to a particular individual, and it certainly doesn't seem to be the case here. By OP's own admission the lion's share of free time goes to gaming alone.

I'm sorry, but I just can't see "Well, I ate supper and watched a show with you." being a compromise in sharing time. Maybe she would like a little bit of intimacy and romance sprinkled in with the very limited time they have together.

Maybe she is unreasonable. Maybe not.

My point is not that he should just bend to her every whim. My point is that a good woman who knows that you are willing to make sacrifices for her, will work to make those same type of considerations for you. See Key's post about how she recognizes the things her husband does out of consideration and how she will then go out of her way to support his ability to still enjoy the things he likes.

You never know if the snack machine is broken if you don't bother putting the dollar in.

[dsheinem]

You never know if the snack machine is broken if you don't bother putting the dollar in.

[Vant3c]

Wow lol. It seems that shook up the hornets nest in a sense. I appreciate all the replys so far and the discussion so far. One thing she asked me was if I would give it all but one system and the games along with it for her. I said that I would but I find that to be very unreasonable considering that I would not ask such things from her but that I am will to work to what we both can agree that is a fair compromise. Now some of u will say that's fair and others will say that's not fair to ask to give up some that is fun or what have u. The counselor that we will speak to I hope will help us find what is fair and what is not from each other.

[Exhuminator]

One thing she asked me was if I would give it all but one system and the games along with it for her.

Okay, so let's say you give up all your systems but one. But then you still play that one system just as much as you did the others combined. Well that sure solved that!

[Vant3c]

How do mean that like its a good idea to give it all up but one or that it's not a good idea at all?

[nullPointer]

One thing she asked me was if I would give it all but one system and the games along with it for her.

Okay, so let's say you give up all your systems but one. But then you still play that one system just as much as you did the others combined. Well that sure solved that!

I would agree that the number of systems you give up is irrelevant to the time management issue, unless there's also a point of contention regarding how much space your gaming hobby consumes. If I only had a Phillips CD-i I would (begrudgingly) play the hell out of that CD-i.

I would also agree that being co-located with your wife during your game time can be one measure that might help improve things. I'm also in the camp in which my wife has occasionally taken issue with my amount of time spent gaming. During those times we've evaluated the issue together and made time management adjustments as a team. But yeah, that does mean that pretty much all my gaming happens on the living room PC so we can hang out after the kids have gone to bed. This means that I don't monopolize the family television with gaming, and that we can still hold conversations while I'm playing games. It does mean that emulation and/or A/V console-to-monitor adapters become my defacto means of gaming, but for me that compromise is more than acceptable. It wouldn't be a perfect solution for all, but it certainly helped in our case.

[Exhuminator]

I meant that the amount of video games you have has nothing to do with the amount of time you play them. You can play one video game system just as long as you might play three video game systems. And once again the problem isn't even video games in the first place because it could be any other solo hobby.

I hope your counselor goes over time management, compromise, and power equality with you both. And maybe even such issues as monophobia, abandonment complex, and Munchausen syndrome can be discussed.

I do agree with the guys saying portables would be cool. You could play them on the couch next to your wife while she watches whatever it is she likes. Or you could set up an extra TV next to hers, so you can console game next to her if need be. Maybe simply having you in the same room as her will help alleviate her anxiety over this.