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1. ACA NeoGeo: Cyber-Lip (Switch eShop)
2. Pengo (Atari 2600)
3. Kirby's Epic Yarn (Wii)
4. Knights of Xentar (PC)
5. Hoshi o Sagashite... (Mark III)
6. Dead Zone (Famicom Disk System)
7. Samurai Sword (Famicom Disk System)
8. High School! Kimengumi (Mark III)
9. Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom (NES)
10. Sindbad Mystery (SG-1000)
11. Steins;Gate (Vita)
12. Champion Boxing (SG-1000)
13. Squidlit (Switch eShop)
14. Skyblazer (SNES)
15. Tokyo Dark: Remembrance (Switch eShop)
16. Bubble Bobble (Famicom Disk System)
17. Steins;Gate Elite (Switch)
18. Johnny Turbo's Arcade: Joe and Mac Returns (Switch eShop)
19. Johnny Turbo's Arcade: Express Raider (Switch eShop)
20. Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle (Genesis)
21. Sword of Vermilion (Genesis)
22. Steins;Gate: My Darling's Embrace (Switch eShop)
23. Oink! (Atari 2600)
24. Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa (Famicom Disk System)
25. Super Castlevania IV (SNES)
26. Phantasy Star Online (Dreamcast)
27. Chaos;Child (Vita)
28. Scar of the Doll (Steam)
29. Kirby's Adventure (NES)
30. Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure (PlayStation)
31. Hangman (Atari 2600)
32. Metal Slug (Neo Geo MVS)
33. Metal Slug 2 (Neo Geo MVS)
34. Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man (Intellivision)
35. Shark! Shark! (Intellivision)
36. Videocart 1: Tic-Tac-Toe / Shooting Gallery / Doodle / Quadra-Doodle (Channel F)
37. Haunted House (Atari 2600)
38. The Earth Dies Screaming (Atari 2600)

"Noooooo you can't put shovelware on my brand new Nintendo console!"
"Haha witch girl go vroom!"

Engage me in this hypothetical. Pretend you're a developer with an awful game that's near completion. What's the best (or only) way to get consumers to notice such an abomination among all the other rubbish that clogs digital storefronts? Easy -- get the game out early on a fledgling console. Make it a (near) launch title, where little competition exists. Such was the plan of one Poisoft, with their "magical girl" slog Vroom in the Night Sky. By the way, the aforementioned "strategy" worked -- on me, at least. With precious few (physical) Switch launch titles holding my interest I turned instead towards the then-barren eShop, where my initial purchases consisted of Kamiko (a cute little action-adventure game) and.... this.

Vroom in the Night Sky stars a magical girl of the classic anime tradition; I believe she's literally named Magical Girl in capital letters. She's a cutesy witch who pilots a series of motorcycles as opposed to the typical broom. She's joined by a fast-talking familiar, some glowing ball thing. The witch's mission: to vroom. In the night sky. The game is so incomprehensible that the simple act of assigning it a genre tag becomes a difficult task. Its closest contemporary is probably (I kid you not) the infamous Superman 64. That's because success in Vroom is predicated on flying through a series of rings. That sentence was supposed to end with "within the allotted time limit" right?? Well, no, because Vroom has no stipulations, no challenge, no puzzles, no obstacles. Just bumble around until an objective is completed. And repeat.

Each stage contains an assortment of rings, and a goal that appears once all rings are gathered. There's additional stardust to collect, which is essentially the game's currency. A minute into each stage, a "rival" appears in the form of another witch girl named Shining Star. She gathers stardust as well, which would be a problem, if not for the fact that it respawns infinitely. There's a gas gauge, which appears to be bugged as it creeps down incredibly slowly. Good luck losing more than 10%. In any event, there's a refill station in the center of every stage. As for the environments themselves, they're sparsely decorated and dreadfully dull. Each one takes an average of two or three minutes to traverse. There are eight stages total.

Controls are aggressively bad. B and A are used for acceleration and braking, respectively. Acceleration feels clunky and uneven, while there isn't nearly enough feedback when braking. Turning (with the d-pad) is much too loose, and it's not uncommon to see poor Magical Girl hurtling towards the borders of the screen. Y and X provide additional functions, as one assists in "grabbing" stardust while the other initiates a brief "vroom" speed burst. The fact that shoulder buttons were ignored in favor of the face button foursome makes for a cramped and unwieldy experience. There are some additional maneuvers that can be pulled off by rapidly tapping buttons in a "combo" style, but activating these moves properly is nigh impossible, as is keeping control of the bike during execution. To "assist" the player there's a series of tutorial stages, which also include "helpful" written instructions, for example:

Let's occur "Magical Turning & Getting *"3 times with getting Stardusts during "Magical Turn"! "Magical Turning & Getting *" occurs if you get Stardusts during "Magical Turn".

Thanks for clearing that one up! This is as good a time as any to mention that the game's translation is comically bad and full of such "Engrish" gems. The penultimate stage, for example, is described as follows: "It is a Sky. It is a completely Sky." The inchoate exchanges between Magical Girl and her familiar are frequent and (unintentionally) hilarious, and arguably the "highlight" of the Vroom in the Night Sky experience. I'll admit it. I lol'ed often.

The game looks unfinished, with the flattest and most featureless textures imaginable. The soundtrack can be described in similar terms, consisting of some stock rock/jazz fusion that sounds like it was yanked out of one of those royalty-free websites. But the most egregious sin committed by Vroom is in regards to its stage progression. While stages one through five can be played through quickly and sequentially, stages six through eight remain mysteriously locked. Entrance into these areas requires one first buy specific "upgraded" motorcycles from a shop accessible from the game's main menu. There's no indication that one needs to do this, nor is there any hint in regards to what bike will unlock what level. There's not even a tenuous connection; it's not like specific bikes handle better in specific stages or anything. It's just totally arbitrary. To add insult to injury, the stardust currency collected while playing the game "normally" isn't enough for these bikes. No, one must replay stages to grind for this stuff. It's maddening and stretches what would be an annoying twenty-minute shovelware romp into an excruciating eighty-minute endurance test. Complete stage eight and nothing happens. No ending, no credit roll. Just a boot back to the stage selection screen.

Vroom in the Night Sky is a broken-down sloppy insulting experience. It's actually gained a bit of notoriety; as of this writing it's the lowest-rated Switch game on Metacritic, as well as the lowest-rated game of any kind released in 2017. Big ouch. Vroom away from this one as quickly as possible. Just don't use one of these motorcycles to do so.

I feel compelled to preface this review with a bit of a confession. I've never been a huge fan of the Sonic games. And no, I'm not just talking about the 3D ones that "everyone" hates, but the series in general. Even in the 16-bit era, this series displayed issues with level design that feels incongruous with the protagonist's physics. Sonic, I felt, has always had a tendency to move too fast, or too slow, or to have his movements whisked away from the player altogether as he's tossed about like a pinball or thrown headlong into a "hilarious" spike or pit trap. In many ways, Sonic Mania Plus (which was released in 2018 but is an expanded version of a game released one year prior) is the Sonic game I've always wanted. It's taut, finely-tuned, and an absolute joy to play. The genesis (haha) of this game is interesting, as it was developed by indie studios, a project led by one Christian Whitehead of the Sonic romhacking community. Presumably there were other people involved too, as Sonic Mania Plus has the longest credits scroll I've ever seen. I think it includes literally anyone who was even tenuously involved with this project, with the exception of perhaps the third shift janitors at Sega of Japan.

The story is succinct and stereotypical. Dr. Robotnik (or "Eggman") is up to no good. He's stolen more gems, this time with the assistance of some rotund robots. It's up to Sonic and his pal Tails, and perhaps various other members of the animal posse, to retrieve the purloined artifacts. To do so, Sonic must traverse through twelve zones, each split into two stages, with each stage concluding with a boss battle. This is a beefy game. It took this reviewer three and a half hours to trek through "Mania Mode" (the main game) -- that's with a small assortment of deaths but zero Game Overs, thanks for asking. Autosaving occurs, but between zones only (not individual stages).

It's likely that anyone reading this review (lol such optimism) is familiar with the way Sonic controls, but here's a brief recap. The d-pad moves Sonic, and in a delightful tribute to the games of olde there's only one action button. Without a dedicated run button à la Mario, Sonic speeds up quickly on his own as a direction button is continuously pressed, eventually becoming an absolutely blazing blue blur (assuming there's ample space for such a thing). Should he require speed to clear a ramp or some obstacle and there's no "runway" available, Sonic can duck and subsequently execute a rolling dash via repeated taps of the action button. He can jump too, of course, in big smooth arcs whose size varies based on speed. This game also incorporates a "drop dash" where tapping the action button twice in quick succession can send Sonic rolling as soon as he lands a jump. Combat requires a certain level of finesse, as Sonic defeats enemies by jumping (or rolling) on or "into" them. Unlike his plumber buddy (and fellow Olympian) Sonic cannot vanquish a fiend by simply "falling" on top of it. Point being, Sonic must be in "ball mode" to land a successful hit; if his floppy red shoes are exposed he is vulnerable. Collected rings will grant Sonic an extra life per 100 earned, but their primary function is serving as Sonic's "lifebar." Should Sonic be hit he's knocked back and his rings scatter about. These can be grabbed quickly, though most will rapidly bound off-screen.

Sonic games live and die by their stage design, and the design here is absolutely stunning. The stage (or "act") list consists of a smooth blend of nostalgic throwbacks and brand new environments. The game eases the player in, with the fan favorite Green Hill Zone, which is once again replete with the anticipated obstacles and features: floating platforms, ziplines, crumbling cliffsides, and hedgehog-launching springs. Additional zones offer additional gimmicks. All are self-explanatory (no Sonic 3 spinning barrels, ugh) and presented in a clear and unambiguous manner. The Chemical Plant Zone, for instance, is full of liquids that possess varying effects on Sonic's movements, while the Flying Battery Zone experiments with magnetic charges, and the Metallic Madness Zone utilizes shrink rays to squeeze Sonic into tight spaces. Every act feels like a fresh experience; old elements are quickly swapped out for new ones, that are soon abandoned or evolved just as quickly as they arrived. Despite its hefty length, Sonic Mania Plus never begins to feel stale, and the more endurance-oriented gamers will feel compelled to roll through this one in a single sitting. Most importantly of all, the game "flows" beautifully. While each act is massive and offers multiple avenues to victory, there are never any frustrating dead ends. Nor are there moments that make the player feel "stuck" or that backtracking is the most viable option. Moreover, Sonic's speed meshes perfectly with the design, as it's an absolute blast to be shot through loop-de-loops, launched from slopes, and ricocheted off the various bumpers. When the game does slow down the focus is on precision platforming, rather than, say, "waiting" for sluggish moving platforms to align properly. And Sonic Mania Plus is devoid of any and all "cheap" moments that defined some prior series entries of decades past. You won't suddenly find yourself accidentally launched into a spike pit, or dropped onto an enemy unexpectedly, or caught between a haphazard mess of nigh inescapable trampolines. No, this experience is pure fluidity and momentum from start to finish.

To nitpick a bit: as the game progresses the stages most certainly get larger. And the final stages take much too long to complete. Even with the seemingly generous ten-minute time limit, I was still slammed with a "Time Over" in the game's penultimate act. The final act is just as egregious (I hit the last checkpoint at 9:45) but the timer is wisely reset for the rather grandiose final boss battle. It's a small quibble, and those who are more accustomed to the game's mechanics and layouts likely find this a non-issue.

Sonic Mania nails the aesthetics. The graphics here look like they walk a fine line between late Genesis and early Saturn. The pixel art is luscious and strikingly detailed. Each stage contains a flurry of background pieces and multiple layers of scenery. The character animations are lovely and brimming with humor, and there's a wide selection of new friends and foes alike mixed with the old ensemble. The soundtrack spans two hours, a frothy mix of Genesis hits plus some tunes making their debut. It's energetic stuff, and it all nails that techno-Genesis vibe perfectly.

Two types of bonus rounds appear throughout the journey. The first present themselves within checkpoints, should they be reached with 25 rings in tow. These are the classic 3D bonus rounds atop a giant checkered orb, where Sonic is granted "pivoting" tank controls and tasked with collecting blue spheres (hey you never said I couldn't grab the red ones too!). Success in these rounds unlocks additional content accessible from the main menu, like a sound test and debug mode. To access the second type of bonus round, one must first discover well-hidden "giant rings." These rounds see Sonic chasing a UFO as it speeds away. The chase occurs over a wrapping 3D plane; grabbing rings increases allotted time, while snatching spheres speeds Sonic up. By catching all these UFOs one gains a full set of chaos emeralds, and thus access to the true ending. Truth be told, I always found Sonic bonus rounds quite difficult and not especially compelling, though these are some of the best (or least worst) of the bunch.

With a boss fight concluding every act, we're left with a lot of bosses on our hands. The quality and difficulty of these skirmishes fluctuates, though most are meticulously designed and memorable. There are the usual "Robotnik in a big machine" battles, plus all kinds of wacky newcomers like a robot that inhabits a trash compactor, a sandworm that floats in and out of the background, and even a match of Puyo Puyo (or, uh, Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine). The "race" boss fights also make a reappearance, where Sonic must engage in a melee whilst running along a track and avoiding various hazards. It makes for a delightfully frantic time.

Beyond Sonic, one can choose to play as the additional woodland creatures. By default, Sonic has Tails the fox in tow, who can lend a helping (or "lifting") hand and deal blows to bosses. Tails played solo can fly for brief spells by rapidly whirling his multiple appendages. Knuckles is back. He still resembles an echidna about as much as Sonic resembles a hedgehog. Knuckles is able to climb walls and blast the ground. This Plus version of the game also boasts the inclusion of Mighty (an armadillo with a smashing ball attack) and Ray (a flying squirrel who glides). These extra characters are pretty neat, and stages are modified slightly to accommodate them, but it's often too easy to trigger their abilities by double-tapping the action button accidentally, and nothing feels as smooth and sleek as good ol' Sonic himself. It's also possible to play as a tag team, with a press of the X button swapping between, say, Sonic and Knuckles, where the computer AI steers the unused character behind the active one. And, ya know, there's multiplayer if you happen to have friends. Finally, Plus includes an "Encore Mode" for those who mastered the default "Mania" and are seeking remixed stages with an additional challenge. There's a lot to dive into here, with the Plus experience stretching for several hours after the main quest has been completed.

All told, Sonic Mania Plus is not only one of the better Switch platformers but is the best game within the entire Sonic series. The team behind this clearly understood not only the elements that make for a decent Sonic title, but what elements make for an unforgettable platforming experience. Forget the trauma caused by Sonic Shuffle and Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric and that weird game where Sonic has a realistic human girlfriend. Instead, think back fondly to the greatest attributes found within the Genesis titles, and then multiply everything by one-hundred. Dive into the "Mania" without hesitation.