What is your retro video game spirit animal?

[TSTR]

i call dibs

[J T]

*throws pepper at TSTR and runs away*

[Forlorn Drifter]

That was... I think JT is internet stalkering me.

[J T]

I'll bite. What does the mighty Dhalsim see for me?

"Dhalsim. Do you think I'm ready to try figuring out one of these retro game spirit animals without your help?"

"No. But it will be funny to watch you try. Take alienjesus' request and see what happens."

"Ok. Thanks for the encouragement?? Umm... let me see then.... uh... alienjesus, your retro game spirit animal is... wait a minute... it's coming to me.... OH! I know! It's Jimmy Houston from Jimmy Houston's Bass Tournament for the SNES!"

Dhalsim tried to stay stoic, but could not contain himself for long "DAHAHAHAAAA!!!"

"No no! Hear me out!"



Jimmy Houston is a bass fisherman, and alienjesus is a pescetarian, so the one meat neither of them will take out of their diet is fish. Fishing takes great patience as you wait forever before you finally get one hitched on your lure, just as alienjesus has taken great patience in waiting to get hitched to his girlfriend he lured in about a decade ago. Jimmy Houston lazily trolls the waters, looking for bass to pick out; whereas alienjesus lazily trolls the racketboy forums looking for posts to pick out and comment on. Sometimes they both troll hard and get their hooks in, as well, but this can quickly become a "shit show" so it doesn't happen very often. Jimmy Houston is always out-and-about, in his boat, and on-the-go... just as alienjesus prefers out-and-about, on-the-go portable systems, like his favorite Nintendo DS. Jimmy Houston is quirky and strange, like some of the games that alienjesus most enjoys. While Jimmy Houston's style is clearly that of an all-American country boy and alienjesus' style is properly British (innit?), they both can't hold back the smiles when they jam out to a banjo pluckin' hoe down!

"Well Dhalsim? How did I do on my own?"

"Pretty bad chum. Alienjesus said he would bite, but I think you should release this one. Hopefully he'll just brush this one off as Americans being crazy as usual, but I think it is safe to say alienjesus will say this one is a 'shit show' DAHAHAHAHAAA!"

[marurun]

There is so much amusing creativity in all of this I almost can't stand it. Almost. Instead, I love it.

[alienjesus]

Well....I certainly wouldn't have expected that one, that's for sure.

[Erik_Twice]

Wow, not just mine, all are great! Thanks JT! I'll accept my inner bee

And I do care about Nobunaga's Ambition, turns out Sphere of Influence is a great game! I have a review almost finished, I'll see if I can publish it soon!

[J T]

How have I not read this thread until today? Good stuff all around.

I am both intensely and morbidly curious as to what my spirit "animal" will be. I have a few in mind based on my gaming tastes, but... let's see what you and Dhalsim come up with.

"I haven't been in a Christian church in years." I said, looking around at the Virgin Mary statues and stacks of hymn books. "They still smell churchy... whatever that universal church smell is. Why did you ask me to meet you here tonight Dhalsim?"

"We need to discuss Sarge's retro game spirit animal, and so we have come to a place that is vital to Sarge's spirit to find it."

"I haven't really read a bible in a long time, buuut I'm pretty sure retro game spirit animals are not a Christian thing. Plus, I feel weird being here. I don't really believe in this stuff and I have a lot of bad memories from my early religious upbringing."

"Do you have something against Jesus, JT"

"No, Jesus was great! A wise and compassionate example for all. It's his followers I take issue with... When I was young, I asked too many questions for people of faith, and it only made them become more judgmental, hardened, and close-minded toward me. My family separated from the church and I was socially ostracized in my community. People I used to consider friends suddenly saw me as a heathen and would no longer talk to me unless it was to try to get me involved in the religion again. It was confusing as a kid. I'm mostly over it now, but there are still embers of resentment."

"I see. I am sorry for how you were treated, but I hope that the lesson you learned was not to be equally judgmental, hardened, and close-minded in return. We may not all share the same beliefs, but we do share the same planet. I urge you to build more bridges and fewer walls JT. You have been open to yoga, meditation, and all other manner of spiritual exercises, so now let us try something uniquely Christian. If it helps you reconcile your grievances, I'll let you in on a little secret I use: just replace the word 'God' with the phrase 'grand universal unfolding of all that is, all that ever was, and all that ever will be'. That's what I do." He smiled and winked. "Now, JT, open yourself to God's grace, mercy, and wonder!"

"Aughhhwah!" I writhed in my seat as I struggled to come to terms "Fine. I'll try your experiment. What do you have planned for us?"

"I'd like to start with a verse from Ephesians 4:25-32"

"Oh boy.. sermon time" I sarcastically muttered under my breath.

Dhalsim cleared his troat, opened a book with curved notches in the sides of the pages, and spoke. "'So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. ... Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.' Amen."

I reflected quietly on the passage and stared at the colorful stained glass windows depicting images of Christ. "Huh. You're a curious fellow Dhalsim." I mused, whimsically. "I never would have expected this from you, and I really didn't think this was going to work, but you managed to pick just the right passage to get me in the headspace to relate with the Sarge."

Dhalsim seemed to ignore me as he was now engrossed in some form of prayer, or maybe it was meditation, or I don't know... whatever goes on in that wonderful, bald head of his.

Sarge, your retro video game spirit animal is Thonolan from Kick Master!


Sarge is a retro game master who kicks the crap out of hundreds of notoriously difficult NES games, just as Thonolan is a kick master who kicks the crap out of hundreds of skeletons, demons, and surprisingly hostile birds and frogs.

Sarge comes from a military background, as did Thonolan whose brother is a knight at Castle Lowrel. When the castle is attacked by Belzed (notice the similarities to Belzebub), the king, the queen, and all the imperial guards are killed and the castle is set to flame. The Kick Master story uses the out-dated damsel in distress trope where you have to save the helpless kidnapped princess and we learn nothing about who she is as a person, but Sarge isn't particularly bothered by that since it's all really just an excuse to kick a bunch of demons in the face.

Thonolan and his brother Macren set off to save the princess. For some reason, Macren is a medieval knight and Thonolan is a martial arts master, which seems to confuse cultures and time periods, but don't worry about that because this premise is awesome:

That's right! Thonolan's dying realization is that Thonolan's kicking skills are the only hope to accomplish what an army of armored guards and swords could not. How awesome is that?! SOOO awesome! Take a peak through a "Game's Beaten" thread and you will find that Sarge's enviable retro gaming skills are equally bad ass.

Sarge's most loved video game genres are old school NES action games like Ninja Gaiden and RPGs like Dragon Quest. Kick Master has a little bit of both flavors. It largely plays like an action game with close-quarters combat, but it also has some RPG elements with XP growth and developing MP skills. Sarge can appreciate Thonolan's gradual experience building and his devotion to continually improving his martial arts, spell casting, and masterful kicking skills. It is in-line with his military upbringing that Sarge values that kind of strength, hard work, skill building, and personal responsibility. That's how Sarge became a successful engineer. This is also why he has little tolerance for participation trophies, spoiled kids with no sense of personal responsibility, and people with short attention spans who can't stay focused on a goal.

At the end of the game, when Thonolan defeats Belzed (Belzebub?) and saves the princess, he unexpectedly reveals his angel's wings and flies the maiden off to safety. This represents Sarge's deeply religious side, that he sometimes hides from plain view, though he isn't ashamed to let it fly. This is also one of those games where you unlock a harder level of difficulty, so you can resurrect yourself and begin from the start with an even greater challenge. Sarge will gladly take on such a challenge. He is risen. Hallelujah!

"Dhalsim, can we go on another vision quest or do some yoga or something now. I've had enough prayer and sermons today. This was an interesting and fruitful experiment, but it just isn't me."

"Of course JT. You should follow your own path, as long as you kindly acknowledge where it intersects with the paths of others. Yogaa yogaaa yogaaaah!"

[BogusMeatFactory]

This is a spectacular idea JT as always. I humbly ask that you find my spirit animal. My body is ready

[Sarge]

Ha, that's great! Good show!

I seriously love how much thought you're putting into this.