Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[retrosportsgamer]

Luke is spot on (with all his posts, imo) - those are the questions you want to position her with.

[noiseredux]

The second one. Even when we're on the same team, he goes out of his way to get everyone killed.

...of course, we're doing it too, so...yeah...

in fairness, I do plenty of killing myself too. Trains, cliffs, things like that. But what's the alternative? Spend sober time with these guys?

[TEKTORO]

The one thing that bothered her sometimes is when I used to play Magic often. I would leave the house to draft and do tournaments about every weekend. I basically stopped doing that after my daughter was born so I could be around the house more to help with her.

When I first met my wife, I played Magic a bit and when I told her about it she literally thought I dress up as a Wizard and had no clue what goes on from there.
Another time when I was younger playing Magic I had a GF who looked like a smokin hot Portuguese Tara Reid and she was terrified to even get close to the front door of the comic shop get me after FNM. Lol

[Vant3c]

[quote]I think you two need to have a direct discussion about relationship time management. The issue isn't "video games", because you could be into reading or painting or any other solo activity hobby. The issue is you need time to yourself, and she has to be okay with that, given that you are spending equal amounts of time with her. That's only fair. It's not your job as a husband to keep your wife entertained and occupied all the time. That's just unreasonable and totalitarian on her behalf.[/quote

We have talked about this quite extensively about me able to enjoy my hobby and hers as well, but she only does her things when she feels bored or so. I like to wind down at the end of the day just like any other person would want to do but i feel it is selfish to ask me to give all my time to her. I would not ask her to sacrifice her any hobby or time to just spend with me because at the end of the day we love each other and I hope we both understand that.

She can not preoccupy her time. I have tried to get her to take on a hobby that she will enjoy but she either gives it up or does not want to even try. Then again I don't know if that would even help at all.

[Ack]

The second one. Even when we're on the same team, he goes out of his way to get everyone killed.

...of course, we're doing it too, so...yeah...

in fairness, I do plenty of killing myself too. Trains, cliffs, things like that. But what's the alternative? Spend sober time with these guys?

Yeah, but come on, it's no fun if everyone survives.

[ninjainspandex]

I think you two need to have a direct discussion about relationship time management. The issue isn't "video games", because you could be into reading or painting or any other solo activity hobby. The issue is you need time to yourself, and she has to be okay with that, given that you are spending equal amounts of time with her. That's only fair. It's not your job as a husband to keep your wife entertained and occupied all the time. That's just unreasonable and totalitarian on her behalf.[/quote

We have talked about this quite extensively about me able to enjoy my hobby and hers as well, but she only does her things when she feels bored or so. I like to wind down at the end of the day just like any other person would want to do but i feel it is selfish to ask me to give all my time to her. I would not ask her to sacrifice her any hobby or time to just spend with me because at the end of the day we love each other and I hope we both understand that.

She can not preoccupy her time. I have tried to get her to take on a hobby that she will enjoy but she either gives it up or does not want to even try. Then again I don't know if that would even help at all.

run dude, as far and as fast as you can

[Vant3c]

If you are serious about salvaging this relationship, I suggest that you: (1) put aside your resentment of your wife's habits, purchases, etc.; (2) cut down your gaming to two or, at the very most, three nights per week; (3) restrict yourself to handheld gaming so that you spend your gaming time with your wife (rather than in a different room by yourself); and (4) make a very strong effort to spend more time actually engaging with your wife (e.g., talking, playing a board game - or even a video game - together, exercising together, going for walks together, doing projects around the house together, etc.). These efforts might not be sufficient to salvage the marriage, but I think that they are absolutely necessary if there is any hope of doing so.

These are all fair points and we have already discussed them. Every one says it would be easy to walk away. Do i want to do the easy thing or do the right thing. The right thing is always the hardest but I would rather know that I did what we could and did not give up on my marriage.

I think the biggest thing is that there was not communication about these issues because I would have responded to them before this got out of control.

[Key-Glyph]

... while I need to kill badguys aswell as Ack and Noise.

Which is the closer sentiment:

"I need to kill bad guys, just like Ack and Noise do."
or
"I need to kill bad guys... and Ack and Noise, too."

The second one. Even when we're on the same team, he goes out of his way to get everyone killed.

...of course, we're doing it too, so...yeah...

Hahaha. Bros for life.

You guys should all get matching tattoos. Of crosshairs.

[Ack]

Hahaha. Bros for life.

You guys should all get matching tattoos. Of crosshairs.

We do. Full Irezumi actually. Fast has an Oni mask, noise has a Koi, and I have a skull in a wave. We got them while doing time. Turns out China dislikes smugglers.

[Exhuminator]

I have tried to get her to take on a hobby that she will enjoy but she either gives it up or does not want to even try.

Well this is not uncommon. A lot of people make socializing their hobby, when they aren't watching TV. They may have difficulty understanding why someone would need to be alone and do alone things. Some of us just can't decompress when around other people, and I'm like that so I get where you are coming from there.

It has to boil down to this IMO:

Look at the free time you both have together. Divide it in half. Spend half of it devoted to being with her. The other half you get to do what you want by yourself. And she can do what she wants with that other time as well, if she needs social interaction than she can call people, get on social media, or hang out with a friend. If she can't handle that trade off, then I think she's being unreasonable, and I personally would not be able to deal with that sort of behavior.

If this ends up being irreconcilable in that regard, I don't think your marriage is necessarily over. At that point a mediator, a marriage counselor, is needed. They can hear both sides and make sure communication on this matter is crystal clear between you. They can then offer exercises that you both can do to improve the situation. Forum opinions are only good for so much, but a professional will offer true help.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is not an easy thing, it's a hard but rewarding thing. And ending a marriage is not an easy thing, it's a hell and suffering thing. The divorce rate in this country is ridiculous. Don't be a part of the statistic if you can help it man. And I think this marriage is not outside the realm of repair personally.