lisalover1 wrote:
Frown: I hit a pretty low point emotionally today. It was one of those days when it felt like nothing made sense anymore, and I couldn't connect or care about anything. It has been happening a lot more lately, and are usually the result of me overthinking everything in my life. I swear, I can't go half a week without something like this happening...
Hang in there, bb. I struggle with the same cycling moods, so you're not alone.
Same here. I thought I was going to suddenly break-down crying while doing laundry today. All because I was over-thinking something incredibly stupid...
lisalover1 wrote:
Frown: I hit a pretty low point emotionally today. It was one of those days when it felt like nothing made sense anymore, and I couldn't connect or care about anything. It has been happening a lot more lately, and are usually the result of me overthinking everything in my life. I swear, I can't go half a week without something like this happening...
Hang in there, bb. I struggle with the same cycling moods, so you're not alone.
jinx wrote:
TSTR wrote:
lisalover1 wrote:
Frown: I hit a pretty low point emotionally today. It was one of those days when it felt like nothing made sense anymore, and I couldn't connect or care about anything. It has been happening a lot more lately, and are usually the result of me overthinking everything in my life. I swear, I can't go half a week without something like this happening...
Hang in there, bb. I struggle with the same cycling moods, so you're not alone.
Same here. I thought I was going to suddenly break-down crying while doing laundry today. All because I was over-thinking something incredibly stupid...
<3
Thank you both... *hugs* I had the same kind of break down today. I just laid in bed crying for a while. It's just that I've worked so hard to get to where I am right now with regards to identity that I'm terrified of losing it. So I worry about every little thing being what brings me back down to feeling like nothing. I'm so close, yet still so far...
Coming to terms with oneself is likely the hardest thing anyone can do. I know, as I am currently wading through a vast fog of "Who am I? What do I want to do with my life?" at the moment. Medication and therapy is helping a lot, along with supportive people around me--including all the lovely folks here.
We're all in this crazy world together, so I'm truly thankful for this wonderful little corner of it.
I'll be sending out college apps tomorrow and I have only one thing to say, holy fuck this is really real. I remember talking about college like it was centuries away and now it's right here. I'm just hoping for the best. On another note, whatever happened to o.pwuaioc?
oxymoron wrote:I'll be sending out college apps tomorrow and I have only one thing to say, holy fuck this is really real. I remember talking about college like it was centuries away and now it's right here.
Thats how it happens. The college app puts it into perspective. Be prepared to walk around like this with a few of these your first couple months.
So, about three weeks ago my wife asked my step-mom if she would mind watching the kids on Sunday 10/5. My wife has a photoshoot in a neighboring town that people in my town travel to for good shopping and restaurants, and we figured since the gas was already being used to go there, maybe we could get a much needed time away with just the two of us after her session.
Now, there are three families of us that live in the area, my self and my two step brothers. We each have two kids and my step mom watches all of our kids during the week while we are all at work or school. Now, there has been a rule established since my wife and I had the first grandchild, which is "no baby sitting on the weekend". My dad and step-mom want the weekends to be their time and to be kid free, which is completely understandable. The only exception is if the need for child care is work related. My wife and I try to strictly adhere to this rule. We have never asked for a weekend since my first child was born four and a half years ago. However, my step brothers have asked numerous times and not been turned down. This has been for going out to dinner, to have a party at their houses, and a bunch of other reasons that are not necessity.
The two of us have not had an evening or any time to our selves in well over a year. We don't generally have the money to pay for a babysitter, nor do we have one that we would trust outside of the family. We try to only ask my mom or step-mom for childcare when we absolutely have to for work or an emergency. But, this time we figured that we are asking weeks in advance (with casual reminders intermittently from then to now) and since there is a history of my step brothers getting child care on weekends for leisure things, we figured it shouldn't be a problem.
Well, last night my wife called to see if they had decided on an answer and it was "no". I really can't tell you how disappointed I was by this. I'm usually the type of person that doesn't get his feelings hurt or angry by how other people treat me. I have an uncanny ability to shrug it off and if the person treats me bad enough I can write them out of my life entirely. I don't shrug it off and have it eating me up inside, I literally just don't care. My thinking is that if the person doesn't care enough about me to prevent this treatment to me, then why should I waste my time and effort into caring about it. I can just cut them out and fix the problem. But, this has really consumed me. If it weren't such a double standard I wouldn't care.
Another part of the equation that builds on this is that out of the three family's, we make the least amount of money. One brother is a line's man for the power company making $32/hr and his wife is a Radiology supervisor for a local hospital and makes $22/hr. The other brother is a coal miner and makes $29/hr and his wife doesn't work. Now, I make decent money and my wife is in school, but we make far less than either of them. BUT, we are the only family that has to resort to day care during the week. My daughter is in pre-k Monday-Thursday so she doesn't need day care. But, my son has to go because we are only allowed to bring the kids up on Friday's when my daughter is out of school. The brother that works for the power company drops his kids off 3 days a week, the brother that is a coal miner brings his kids up two days a week even though his wife doesn't work, just so she can get a break. We have made it clear to my parents that we are paying over $350/month for day care and even if we could pick up an extra day at their house it would lower our bill by $100. But they won't do it. HOWEVER, our day is still open to either of my brothers to drop their kids off if needed.
I feel like a dick getting mad over the fact that I can't get my parents to use their free time to watch our kids for free. But, it's the blatant double standard that bothers me.
Lastly, the whole reason that we stayed in the area we live after I graduated school was because 1) I felt guilty about taking the first grandkid away from my parents. I felt like I was doing them a disservice and 2) we were told from the get-go that we will never have to worry about baby sitting, that everyone is going to help us out, blah blah blah. Which has never happened. It has been like pulling teeth to get help. Even when it has been a dire emergency. My wife almost flunked out last semester because people wouldn't watch the kids so she could go to class and we couldn't get in with the day care. So in stead of moving to an area with far better jobs, I stayed here to make things easier for us while my wife finishes school. I should have just moved and not looked back.
Edit: This whole post, especially the last paragraph, makes it sound like I don't care about my family and only care about how they can help me. That isn't the case at all. My issue is with how biased they seem to be. If we were all treated equally and all made to adhere to the rules with no exception being made, I would have no problems.
with a few of these 
your first couple months.