Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Exhuminator]

Ron Jeremy

[jp1]

Ron Jeremy

I think we reached that threshold several pages back. I'm happy to discuss it further if you really want. I'm not sure what's left to rehash though. I think everyone is at least in the same chapter, if not on the same page.

[Sarge]

Wow, that went crazy. Not much else I can throw in. Some people have addictive personalities. It's why I don't drink, for fear that I'd be one of those people. If my gaming got to that point, I'd expect my eventual wife to try to find a compromise. If I didn't make good on my end of the bargain, some sort of intervention / ultimatum would have to come down.

Some people have it good. Exhuminator, it sounds like you've got a lot of self-control and an understanding spouse. That's a good thing. Some people don't, and beyond that, don't even recognize they might have a problem. It's that way with gaming, alcoholism, gambling, any other activity one can recognize as potentially obsessive. I mean, there are guys that spend every Sunday, all day, doing nothing but watching football. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes it's not. I'm just saying that, if put in that situation, I know that the love of my spouse would come above my love of video games, and if I had to drop them to save the marriage, I would.

I also agree with the sentiment expressed that, sometimes, you can't just cut back. Some people don't have that sort of self-control. The only solution in that case, as painful as it may be, is quitting completely.

[jp1]

Wow, that went crazy. Not much else I can throw in. Some people have addictive personalities. It's why I don't drink, for fear that I'd be one of those people. If my gaming got to that point, I'd expect my eventual wife to try to find a compromise. If I didn't make good on my end of the bargain, some sort of intervention / ultimatum would have to come down.

Some people have it good. Exhuminator, it sounds like you've got a lot of self-control and an understanding spouse. That's a good thing. Some people don't, and beyond that, don't even recognize they might have a problem. It's that way with gaming, alcoholism, gambling, any other activity one can recognize as potentially obsessive. I mean, there are guys that spend every Sunday, all day, doing nothing but watching football. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes it's not. I'm just saying that, if put in that situation, I know that the love of my spouse would come above my love of video games, and if I had to drop them to save the marriage, I would.

I also agree with the sentiment expressed that, sometimes, you can't just cut back. Some people don't have that sort of self-control. The only solution in that case, as painful as it may be, is quitting completely.

Well, now you just went and put the train back on the tracks. You make a lot of sense for a guy speaking of an "eventual wife". It sounds like you are ahead of the curve Sarge. I like how you look at marriage. I value my wife above all else, excepting my children. It is not every day that you see someone who doesn't find that type of dedication a bit difficult to swallow. However, it isn't just religion that makes me so serious about my vows, if you aren't willing to do every possible thing to make a marriage work then it loses all meaning in the first place in my opinion.

Would you lay down your life for your spouse? (Yes)
What about giving up video games? (What?! Why? NO!)
Does not compute.

[Jmustang1968]

But see that analogy is poor. The proper analogy would be would you give up gaming or your games to save your wife's life? We would all say yes.

The issues we are talking about are different and is more involved with respectful relationship dynamics.

[Exhuminator]

The only solution in that case, as painful as it may be, is quitting completely.

Well Sarge that assumes the only trigger would be video gaming. But then again, who's to say someone with the psychological disorder type that falls prey to obsessive behavior in gaming, would not simply find a new trigger after swearing that one off? Maybe becoming addicted to football all Sunday every Sunday for instance.

I believe in this situation the problem is not the activity itself, it's the impetus for the activity. With the impetus being a direct result of a psychological disorder. If just anybody could simply cold turkey quit a psychological disorder, therapists worldwide would be out of business. The truth is, it's not that easy. And I hope a truly empathetic spouse would suggest therapy for the disorder, before choosing divorce for the symptoms instead.

[jp1]

But see that analogy is poor. The proper analogy would be would you give up gaming or your games to save your wife's life? We would all say yes.

The issues we are talking about are different and is more involved with respectful relationship dynamics.

You got me there. I guess my logic is flawed on that one. The "until death" part gums up the works in my thought process. That is the only way I see ending a marriage, but I concede that doesn't apply to everyone.

It's hard for me to separate the emotional and the logical on this issue to be honest.

[marurun]

The only solution in that case, as painful as it may be, is quitting completely.

Well Sarge that assumes the only trigger would be video gaming. But then again, who's to say someone with the psychological disorder type that falls prey to obsessive behavior in gaming, would not simply find a new trigger after swearing that one off? Maybe becoming addicted to football all Sunday every Sunday for instance.

Sometimes those folks DO find a new addiction, but sometimes they don't. The thing about addictive behavior is that it varies greatly by individual and circumstance. There are some people who just can't do certain things, and as long as they avoid those things, they are just fine. The trick to treating addictive behaviors is to try to figure out the surrounding characteristics to determine if moderation is possible, or if the activity really does just need to be halted. None of our navel gazing will help nearly as much as someone who has a problem seeking professional help.

[jp1]

Navel gazing, man, way to drop a bomb. Ice cold. Truth, but just...cold.

[Sarge]

Well Sarge that assumes the only trigger would be video gaming. But then again, who's to say someone with the psychological disorder type that falls prey to obsessive behavior in gaming, would not simply find a new trigger after swearing that one off? Maybe becoming addicted to football all Sunday every Sunday for instance.

I believe in this situation the problem is not the activity itself, it's the impetus for the activity. With the impetus being a direct result of a psychological disorder. If just anybody could simply cold turkey quit a psychological disorder, therapists worldwide would be out of business. The truth is, it's not that easy. And I hope a truly empathetic spouse would suggest therapy for the disorder, before choosing divorce for the symptoms instead.

Yeah, I think marurun captured my sentiments. It varies from individual to individual on obsessive behavior. Sometimes they find something else, sometimes they don't. The triggers can be unpredictable. I mean, a lot of times obsessive behavior is not divorced from particular actions. I'm sure it has to do with what activates pleasure centers in the brain and whatnot. Some activities may trigger it, some might not, and it could be just one specific thing that brings a person down. I mean, I recognize that I could have that potential tendency in myself. It's why I don't allow myself another "addiction", as it were. Video gaming probably comes close enough for me.

I agree that it's hard to quit cold turkey. Incredibly so. It's why a lot of marriages decay to the point where ultimatums are issued, and the fear of losing someone you hold dear as opposed to something will often snap them out of their reverie. But sometimes it just results in a failed marriage. I've got lots of respect for psychologists, and it's definitely worth seeing if there's some sort of compulsive disorder underneath... but you have to get rid of the compulsion in many cases.

I think sometimes it's psychological, and sometimes, it really is just that someone values video games more than they do their wife and relationships. Sometimes, it's the significant other's fault for brow-beating, sometimes it's our own. Kinda why I say it's not a hard and fast rule with any of these cases. Either way, it's worth stepping back and taking a long, hard look at oneself. Not that it's really any easier. Guess that's what the psychologists or pastor can help do.