Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Vant3c]

We would both go to bed around 9.30pm or 10. I will wake up at around 5am every mourning to get ready for work and so on.

[Vant3c]

Some people want to monopolize their significant other's time as they just aren't comfortable or don't like doing things alone. I have some friends that have spouses who are like this.

It could also be an insecurity thing. The he would rather be playing games than spending time with me. Or the well when we first got together he played games, but I thought he would 'grow out of them'.

Have you considered she may want kids but feels like you are too wrapped in games to comfortably head in that direction?

We have talked about all of this and more I have explained that bring a child into this world is a important responsibility. I would not allow gaming to get in the way of taking care of a child ever. She does not feel that i would step up and take care of the child but want to play games instead. I love my wife but i have always said that I would like to enjoy my hobby in a reasonable fashion and the same for her hobbies as well. But I will say this about the expense of my hobby that I mentioned. She bought lots of high dollars make up items and would barely use them and throw them away. She wasted lots of money that it straight up made me pissed off. That is why i brought up my spending habits and I hope this give context as to why.

[Exhuminator]

Based on the schedule you laid out, you might go in your man cave from 7pm-9pm, then go to bed with her around 9:30pm. That sounds like you are averaging 2 hours a day gaming. I don't think it's unreasonable for a man to have 2 hours a day to decompress by himself. Especially after you did chores, ate dinner together, and watched TV together. And you do stuff together on the weekends as a couple often as well.

I think you two need to have a direct discussion about relationship time management. The issue isn't "video games", because you could be into reading or painting or any other solo activity hobby. The issue is you need time to yourself, and she has to be okay with that, given that you are spending equal amounts of time with her. That's only fair. It's not your job as a husband to keep your wife entertained and occupied all the time. That's just unreasonable and totalitarian on her behalf.

[retrosportsgamer]

As I understand it, the problem she's raised is the time you spend with games, not the money.

This.

And not just playing games, but time spent collecting, talking (online) about the hobby or generally appearing invested in it rather than paying attention to her needs or your marriage.

Now, that's what she's thinking (most likely) and it probably isn't fair in your eyes. But if you love her and want to make it work, then I think you work out a compromise and lay out a plan so you're both on the same page.

[Luke]

Let me show you what your wife might be hearing:

I work a good job that pays well with lots of over time. I work a 50 hour average week from 6.30am to 4.00pm M-F only with a occasional weekend. I work in a office environment and deal with lots of administrative work. I work in a aggregate and construction company called the Rogers Group Inc. Good company to work for. So when I get off work it takes less then 10 min or so to get to my house " lucky I know".

So I will get to the house around 4:10 or 4:15. I will take out our dog, then pick up cloths, dishes or what have you. She will come home around different times based on her job then she would either cook dinner, go out or maybe have left overs. We will sit down to eat then depending we would watch a show together like the walking dead, house or cards or things that we both liked. Watch a movie or so or do "other" enjoyable things. Around 6.30 or 7:00 I will some times head back to the game room of mine and enjoy whatever game i was playing at the time. Some times I would stay with her and watch back to back episodes of whatever show we was enjoying at the time. Now there are some shows that she likes that to be honest I do not care for but I encourage her to enjoy what she wants to do. Be it reading books, shows or anything really.

Now on the Weekends we will go do lot of things together from shopping, movies, going out to eat or other actives that we plan out. So to me I have felt that i have spent time with her and done things with her not to just do it for her but to be a part of a married couple. I know that she feels differently about it but I never saw an issue with it and it was never brought to my attention that it was a problem.

Count the "I"'s compared to the "We"'s. Not trying to be a jerk, just pointing out that again you seem defensive and try to rationalize your behavior.

Yes, you are new to the forum, but let me tell you, I get, ahem, "stuff" from other members because a lot of my posts begin with "My wife and I...". That's because she's almost always a part of everything I do that's worth mentioning.

Perhaps next time you sit down with your wife ask her "Do YOU feel like we spend enough time together? What would YOU like to change, and how can I make YOU happier?".

[Jmustang1968]

Ehh counting out his usage of I there is feivolous as he is mostly discussing his work schedule and his own behavior.

[Key-Glyph]

... while I need to kill badguys aswell as Ack and Noise.

Which is the closer sentiment:

"I need to kill bad guys, just like Ack and Noise do."
or
"I need to kill bad guys... and Ack and Noise, too."

[prfsnl_gmr]

I hate to be blunt, but...

You are already separated, Vant3c, and I think you may want to consider calling it on this relationship. I am picking up a lot of resentment from your post - "She spends too much money on make up and expects too much of my time!" - and I think that your wife probably feels a lot of resentment toward you as well - "He spends all of his time playing video games, doesn't make time for me, and wouldn't make time for our children!" At this point, you do not have any children, and it will be easy to untangle yourself from this relationship. It will be very difficult at first, but in the long run, I think it will be better for both of you.

But...

I must note that you have approximately five hours of free time each day. Assuming your wife gets home between 5:00 PM and 5:30 PM, you are only spending an hour or so of your free time with her each evening, and by your own admission, your time with her is spent eating and watching television. In contrast, you are spending two to two and a half hours each night playing video games by yourself. Your wife would probably prefer that you spend additional time with her, and she would probably prefer that you spend more time actually engaging with her, rather than just eating and watching television in silence.

If you are serious about salvaging this relationship, I suggest that you: (1) put aside your resentment of your wife's habits, purchases, etc.; (2) cut down your gaming to two or, at the very most, three nights per week; (3) restrict yourself to handheld gaming so that you spend your gaming time with your wife (rather than in a different room by yourself); and (4) make a very strong effort to spend more time actually engaging with your wife (e.g., talking, playing a board game - or even a video game - together, exercising together, going for walks together, doing projects around the house together, etc.). These efforts might not be sufficient to salvage the marriage, but I think that they are absolutely necessary if there is any hope of doing so.

[ninjainspandex]

OP's situation is the exact reason I have no remote interest in getting married best of luck to you sir, better you than me.

[Ack]

... while I need to kill badguys aswell as Ack and Noise.

Which is the closer sentiment:

"I need to kill bad guys, just like Ack and Noise do."
or
"I need to kill bad guys... and Ack and Noise, too."

The second one. Even when we're on the same team, he goes out of his way to get everyone killed.

...of course, we're doing it too, so...yeah...