Have some of the usual members left Racketboy forums ?

[Exhuminator]

About this matter we're suddenly discussing... In 2014 I wrote a 4 part essay on the "adult gaming stigma" concept. I called it Grown Ups VS Gaming. The essay was part of a blog I was doing. It can still be read here:

http://ardentexhuminator.blogspot.com/2 ... unted.html

Something I didn't talk about in that essay, I will take a brief stab at here though...

Some folks fill personal holes in their lives by over-obsessing on an activity, later feeling shame for the obsessive behavior, and then displacing that shame on the activity, rather than taking personal responsibility for their own obsessive behavior instead. "It's video games' fault that I don't have a girlfriend or a decent job." That's the kind of illogical thought process that often occurs. The activity (AKA hobby) itself, no matter what it is, is not the actual problem. It's the person's own inability to moderate their behavior with said activity that is the true issue. If someone is obsessive about video games to the point of life detriment, and they then quit video games out of spite, they are more than likely going to find something else to over indulge in as escapism instead. Rather than just face their own inner conundrums and fix the actual problem. An avoidant personality often harbors an addictive streak straight down the middle, unfortunately. But that's not, and never has been, the fault of video games.

[Forlorn Drifter]

I think that a portion of the stigma with gaming, and the reason I know of why some people have left it, is that it can be much harder to share with others than books, music, movies, etc. Yes, there's multiplayer games. I don't know the best wording to use, but it is hard to share gaming. A decent portion of people get nothing out of watching another play. It isn't like a movie where I can sit down and watch it with my family, because the story isn't constant enough in many cases. The amount of time sinking is part of this, especially in very hard or very long games. I might find someone who is cool with watching me play games, but how many will sit through my 80 hour playthrough of the Mass Effect series?

Gaming often becomes a solitary activity during a time of day when it would often be expected to spend time with others, generally family. Ideally, someone should be able to find a right balance of time to get everything done, but some don't have the ability, and in many cases I've seen, they honestly just don't have good timing with the options.

TV availability is an issue. I know many who don't want to game in the bedroom, their spouse won't let them game in the living room, and they don't have any other rooms to set up in.

There's just a whole mess of possibilities of why.

[Exhuminator]

Gaming often becomes a solitary activity during a time of day when it would often be expected to spend time with others, generally family. Ideally, someone should be able to find a right balance of time to get everything done, but some don't have the ability, and in many cases I've seen, they honestly just don't have good timing with the options.

This is yet another topic I covered in my 2014 blog. The article was called Time Out For Fun:

http://ardentexhuminator.blogspot.com/2 ... un_12.html

TV availability is an issue. I know many who don't want to game in the bedroom, their spouse won't let them game in the living room, and they don't have any other rooms to set up in.

What gamer marries someone who won't let them game in the living room? Really? But if the living room TV is tied up, and the bedroom is creepy, that's where the glorious world of handhelds come into play.

There's just a whole mess of possibilities of why.

It all just sounds like excuses to me.

[MrPopo]

TV availability is an issue. I know many who don't want to game in the bedroom, their spouse won't let them game in the living room, and they don't have any other rooms to set up in.

What gamer marries someone who won't let them game in the living room? Really? But if the living room TV is tied up, and the bedroom is creepy, that's where the glorious world of handhelds come into play.

That sort of thing isn't just restricted to gaming, but any hobby your spouse doesn't share. if you are in a relationship with someone who keeps you from one of your favorite hobbies then that's not a healthy foundation. You don't need to marry a gamer girl, but she should respect that it's an important hobby to you. Similarly, you don't need to enjoy all of her hobbies but you should respect they're important to her.

And I didn't click your blog link, but I'm guessing it talks about how sometimes it's useful to take time out for yourself. Which is another thing that's healthy in relationships. Feeling like you need to do EVERYTHING together can lead to problems down the line.

[Exhuminator]

how sometimes it's useful to take time out for yourself

I agree that's useful. But the article has a lot more to it than that.

[Forlorn Drifter]

This is yet another topic I covered in my 2014 blog. The article was called Time Out For Fun:

http://ardentexhuminator.blogspot.com/2 ... un_12.html

What gamer marries someone who won't let them game in the living room? Really? But if the living room TV is tied up, and the bedroom is creepy, that's where the glorious world of handhelds come into play.

It all just sounds like excuses to me.

I understand what you are saying in the blog, but it isn't always that simple. What if your spouse expects part of your "together time" or what have you to be watching TV? I see this quite often among people my age, despite the commonality of netflix and on demand TV. They still want to see it live, and you not also watching can be an issue in some relationships.

Many gamers marry people who won't let them game in the living room, especially if kids are involved. I grew up seeing violence and sex on TV and such pretty early, so it seems somewhat odd to me, but I know many who can't game in the living room because the kids might see something too violent/sexual for their parents preferences. Maybe they don't like having all that gaming paraphernalia in the living room. Maybe the spouse isn't a fan of gaming at all, or actively dislikes it. All depends on what crowds you run with and where you live, but it can be surprisingly hard to find someone to date who will put up with your specific style of gaming habits. I know multiple gamer couples who broke up because one played too much for the others liking, or played in the living room, turned out to be a shut in, one was way to engrossed in MMOs, etc.

The handheld suggestion is great, IMO.

[Key-Glyph]

Oh my goodness, fascinating points, all. I love this discussion. I'll also have to read your blog posts, Exhuminator.

Ivo, I wasn't pointing my question at anybody, so I'm sorry if you felt like I was swinging a spotlight on you. I have a habit of reading lots of posts at once, pondering on some general concept that was brought up therein, digesting it all into a question, and then putting that question back into the thread to encourage multiple perspective to weigh in on it.

It's like chewing a forum cud!

You're right to point out the difference between "personal life" and "real life" though. The cud often changes form as I chew on it.

I'm always surprised that more people don't like watching other people play games, though. I love it. It's like someone else doing the research for me.

[noiseredux]

I don't know what all this "let" talk is about. My wife actually is a gamer as well. Yet, I've never played a solo game in the living room on the main (shared space) TV. My wife has never said I'm "not allowed," but I'd personally feel rude tying up the TV when it's unnecessary to do so. Even before I had my own game room, I would play consoles on my PC monitor instead.

[Exhuminator]

What if your spouse expects part of your "together time" or what have you to be watching TV?

That's fine. But a respectful spouse has to be willing to make time out in the day for their partner's personal hobbies too. If a spouse is trying to monopolize all of their partner's free time, that's just not healthy for a relationship. Popo was on the money about that one.

many who can't game in the living room because the kids might see something too violent/sexual for their parents preferences

Well that sort of censorship goes beyond gaming. I'm sure there are TV shows and movies the parents want to watch that they won't let the kids see either. That doesn't mean later at night that a parent can't play mature video games after the kids are asleep though.

Maybe they don't like having all that gaming paraphernalia in the living room.

Then put it in a media cabinet that closes shut and hides it. I know lots of people who have that sort of set up in their living room. Like myself for example. (However my situation is to help keep dust and pet dander off the systems when they aren't being used, as opposed to social stigma or whatever.)

Maybe the spouse isn't a fan of gaming at all, or actively dislikes it.

That's fine, but if they're trying to force their partner to share the same opinion, that's not okay. For example, my wife loves college football, and I don't give a damn about it. But never once have I tried to stop her from watching it, or get mad that when she's watching a game it ties up the living room HDTV for 3 hours. That's her thing and I let her have it. Any reasonable spouse should feel the same way.

but it can be surprisingly hard to find someone to date who will put up with your specific style of gaming habits. I know multiple gamer couples who broke up because one played too much for the others liking, or played in the living room, turned out to be a shut in, one was way to engrossed in MMOs, etc.

What you're saying there falls more in line with the obsession angle being discussed earlier. If you're doing any one hobby (gaming or whatever) so much that it interferes with your real life needs and obligations, it's time to moderate yourself better. But again, that's not the fault of the hobby, but rather the person.

Also to get this thread back on track for a minute, where the heck is Ack? I haven't seen him around in a while. Did Atlanta finally eat him?

[MrPopo]

I'm guessing he's on break for the holidays. They don't have internet in the deep south, or so I'm told.